Quotes

I found a perfect quote today. Reminds me of one person of the past.

Really sick of people making stuff up just to try and get to me. Just because I have what you will NEVER have doesn't mean you need to be a hater.

That is epic and relates to my past. No our past. There is a reason friendships die. Blame can only go so far. Before growing up happens.

Losing weight and feeling great

Loving my new hair!

Death

In 2005, I was working at the fair. I was a parking girl. It was the end of the day and I was waiting for my boyfriend to get off of work. I was sitting with the other parking people teasing and playing with each other. While were sitting there, I was looking at the gravel path on the way out of C gate. I watched a bigger woman fall face first. We knew something was wrong. Chris and I ran all the way to F gate to get the paramedics, 2 other men helped her trying to get her to breathe. In essence, this woman died. She went to the fair and died. Heart attack. How is it life works that way. One day enjoying yourself next minute....their gone.

"Life has certainly had its downfalls and its tragics and black moments but it also has its great times you know."

This is Captain Phil Harris..He was 52 when he suffered from a massive stroke. Watching everyone go through that. Makes me think of my parents...they smoke, dad drinks occasionally. We went to see the taxidermy people at the imagination station and seeing first hand the damages of smoking. Which I already knew, I just dont think I want to deal with it. My parents are in their early 40's. Davids parents are in their 50's. I have only lost my Great Grandpa and Great Grandma and both were very hard on me. Lost them when I was 17. Dustin is easily, a reminder.

Dead is a scary impressive thought with me. I believe in the Christian way of Heaven. But sometimes the thought of being here and then not scares me. Paralyzes me. Its even like my brain goes to what if I forget everything about this life and I am just nothing. Nothing at all. Just a void in time. Scary ain't it. I think of my children and how my heart skips a beat when a nother child gets hurt. I pray my children never get hurt or worse. I think this starts to come up...because we are going on vacation. THe drive is long and anything could happen.

I pray for a safe journey. I pray we are surrounded by our lord. I hope everyones family...has a happy holiday.

motivation

To prove some things. TO say no matter the weight you can can can do it! I pushed my friend of 342 pounds ( I say her weight because she IS losing weight). Its been collectively two weeks of starting out with one mile. One mile this week has turned into two miles..which includes a huge hill. But this week we went up and down the hill 5 times in a row, it was hard. I knew when she got to the hill she would be like I cannot do this. We did this. Then continued the half mile. She did great. Also adding 10 squats and 10 jumping jacks. Next week I will not be in town so she is doing a walking dvd to keep on track. So well see how she does. I have so much faith in her. She keeps me motivated and I keep her motivated.

Falling into pieces

To dedicate my life to something I love in that different direction. I love weight loss, I love transforming people, I love motivation. I hate...no Loath laziness, complaints, bitching and anything associated with the word lazy. My friend of about seven years asked for my help. With my love and information I do. I am doing an "Experimental of sorts" I am putting my body to the limits and proud of it. My friend is in the three hundreds. I think her with this journey will complete her life and she will be so much happier. With me by her side. We have started walking one mile..this is the second week we have added 2 miles..plus an uphill experience and a bit of fast walking plus 10 squats..or at least to try them. I am really glad we have each other. Plus she put some weight on me got the complete stories and poems of Edgar Allan Poe. It is lovely and between kids, husband, romance, exercise, cleaning and reading my other books. I am slipping time in. My day starts at 5:30 and will continue to be that early.

I plan on getting my cherry blossom tree to lace my body in beautiful blossoms. To show the uniqueness and my blooming into my old body. It will be on my hips around my breast and up to my scars of my past. David and my best friend are also getting a cherry blossom. I dont expect him to ever get my name but he will even if in the past separate have a piece of me forever. I also want my kids name and stars on. Beautiful. I have a long way to go but when I reach my 20 pounds I will be ecstatic. I get to run on the beach in 7 more days. We are ditching our phones and laptop for complete family time. Ahhh!!!! I cannot wait.I love just our time. It is lovely. Heck, today my son ran from the park daddy chasing and ran into someones back yard. Into a grandparents yard that were on their back porch and was very sweet and nice. Even talking to David and giving the kids fudge sickles Yumm! I love knowing there are still nice people in this world.

Time for sleep Early day for sure!!

Crashed and Burned

So as of today I crashed myself. WHich is great a huge weight lifted off a daily routine burned and I couldnt be happier

Stay at home mom?Lazy? Yeah right

Lately, I do not know where my head has been. This feeling is becoming ever stronger inside my head and in my very soul.. I do not get it at all. I feel so much confidence, expecting too much of people, urging to exercise til exhaustion, Negative, Egotistic, Abating life, Original Sin, provoking people, Being selfish, and so much more. Lately I have called this Second chance a Disaster of a relapse. I have no idea what has brung this on. Everything is going so perfect. Everything. I love my life yet something is filling my brain with these destructive Egotistical Thoughts. Which I guess is okay with some of them, because a lot of people do get down on themselves and doubt their ability.

Why? Seriously doubt yourself. You have one life to live. Live it to the fullest. I think the ominous weather is being destructive on my thoughts. Rain has always had a huge part in the destruction of my mind. Fall is ever uplifting and Winter is a sparkling wonderland. That ever sound is amazingly amplified. I love it.

Lately, facebook or rather people on facebook are pissing me off. Mostly people who claim to be stay at home moms. It just fucking pisses me off that people think being a stay at home mom is boring, were lazy, nothing to do, or I guess Poor because only your husband is working. I don't know what kind of mother they are but the only time I get free time is morning, naptime, and oh yeah when my husband is home.

My day starts at 5:30 a.m. Yes kiddos I am awake with the sun. I go for a 30min to an Hour of running/Walking my Alaskan malamutes. I make my husbands lunch. Kiss him goodbye. I then do some start of cleaning. We in my house refuse to have messes, including kid toys everywhere. They have two bedrooms to keep there toys in. Then at about oh...10:30 the kids wake up. I make then some eyes, pancakes, french toast, or anything else they want. Cleaning dishes, sweeping up fur, taking care of my bird, exercise. Play with the kiddos til lunch. Make lots more food. THen play until 2:00 naptime. They sleep maybe two hours which is me finishing everything, starting dinner, phone calls, and more exercise. Then they wake up and then daddy may be home. Then its time for the kids to eat and then if its nice the kids play at the park and I go on a 1-2 mile walk with my best friend. Home finally at sometime and my bedtime is like 2 am. Hmm...yup I am so lazy.

Not only that but we have enough money for me to be a stay at home mom so In that case I dont have to fight with my husband. I get what I want.

No amount of money would make me quit my favorite job. Stay at hime mom

Natural?

I have become obsessed with taking care of myself. I have even started to evolve my life around exercising.Never thought I would love exercise and I would have to say my favorite food is a turkey wrap w/wheat wrap and a salad with tomatoes, eggs, and a smidge of Cottage cheese. Oranges have become a horrible addiction, due to the fact the Citrus acid can rot your teeth. Pregnancy already gave me 18 cavities...that are nicely porcelain fixed. I would also like to say Depo-Provera is the worst thing in the world by far. Tons of people have gained weight or not been able to lose weight due to this birth control. Plus it can cause osteoporosis. Then moment I got my 6 months of withdraw from it. I have lost almost 15 pounds... I mean I am at 13 but whoo need tons more lost.

I have also started becoming a product queen. For some reason, I have started having breakout. My face is not a zit breeding ground. So i decided to get some stuff. First I bought, morning scrub + Clean and Clear + Pore Dimishing. I got the pore thing just because the smaller your pores are the less likely you will get zits. So then I have a Zap Gel plu since I feel like I have black circles under my eyes. Got some natural aveeno eye circle crap. Then over all the some pore cream so my face dosent get all dried out from the constant washing. Its all working which makes me think the 100+ dollars I just spent on them was worth it.

The makeup I use every once in a while is Natural Minerals. I do not want to be orange and I love to tan. So because of those things I like natural or no makeup. I love Straighting my hair. Its my favorite past time that and dying it. People have liked my hair a lot better blond. You just have to be careful so it doesn't soak in too bad. Minerals also feel so light. I even use natural hair shampoo and conditioner.

As I watched my brother who is roughly 7 years older than me grow up and go to high school. He also used acne creme and took a shower every morning. Got screamed at by my mom for walking outside in cold with wet hair. My brother is someone that I value his opinion more than anyone I know. I mean come on a Honor student and A West Point Graduate and 2 tours overseas. WHew. I think because my whole family strives to be perfect I am now following. I remeber when I was little and my mom spending hours in the bathroom to get her hair perfect and everything else. She is and was beautiful to me no matter if she just woke up or not. Shes my mom. In fact, I wasnt allowed to wear makeup until I was almost 17 let alone dye my hair. Painting my finger nails was a no too haha. My daughter is already a girly girly. I was when I was little then I grew into a tom boy then to a prep..

Funny how life changes so much. ... Its funny when I think of Natural Even both my kids births were without any medicine besides when I got my stitches. Even though to be honest it didnt really hurt too much.

Weddings

These were my wedding cups. We were married September 14th 2010. A beautiful Wedding at my grandparents house with our closes relatives. In front of a beautiful white brick fireplace. Surrounded by the people we cared about the most. We were together for five years before we got married. So it was well worth the weight. True love. We do just about everything together and we have had our fallouts but I love this relationship. Every changing. No strings to hold us down and support each other.

In 2 more weeks we will be going to our first wedding. Davids brother, Levi is getting married to an amazing woman. I cannot wait for this vacation. To be lazy on the beach and have nothing to do but be with my children and husband. Next wedding our best friends, Lauren and Will will be in Mansfield and it by all standards has been a long wait. Third is My brother, David and Ashley. I have been waiting 22 years for my brother to get married. He deserves the world and he found it in her. Lastly, is Davids cousin Amanda and Brad. So many weddings in 2 months. My brothers is in Minnesota a very long drive but for sure I will say I cannot wait for theses people to get married. See how there marriages unfold whether it be beautiful or horrid. I wish them all the best and Dammit kiddos. Need more kids.

I finished our will today....

Lestat....Twilight?

As a person who is infatuated with Vampires. Growing up with Anne Rice Vampires. Interview with a Vampire and Awesome books of the series. I have loved the entire Vampire thing. It turns me on to be Frank. Underworld is the darker side. But I started to watch Twilight New Moon and actually enjoyed the story line. Maybe not so much the sparkle sparkle, thats a little much. By far, Alice and Jane are my favorite characters. So as I need to go get the books now, I have read the forth book and probably the gayest thing ever written. I mean for like 3/4 of the book shes pregnant with a Vampire baby while shes human. Go baby go eat her. I would, I mean if I was a baby Vampire lol. Lets just see how the other movies are and such. I will not become obsessed. Lestat is still my best vampire.

Yay!

So today has been so much fun. We bought so much for the kiddos and next week it is our time to shop plus shoes and such. Cape Cod I am so excited for. Okay very overwhelming, and excited. 1 of our 4 weddings.. Davids brother is First, Will & Laurens, Amanda and Brads and My brothers in Minnesota. Excited yes. Have a house babysitter and I am almost done with routes. Excited.

Tonight is going to be so much fun to. Thatcher requested Margaritas. So Tequila it is. Me I need it. So bring it drunkin steph

Weight loss imposters

I have been newly re-energized as of lately. Found a new show that I love. Its called X-weighted. It amazing people that have the goal of losing weight. That takes time to put a goal and lose weight. I love people who lose weight. They can stay committed to a long term goal to make them healthier.

Losing weight takes one hell of a person. As one of the trying to loss weight. There are times were you are exhausted, in pain, cannot take any more. So during that moment you go outside and go for a run. While your body screams in pain. Oh yeah, been there. People who are serious about losing weight, do not make excuses. Or how Jillian says it " Your going either die or get on this treadmill" I hear too many people have excuses. From kids to vacations. Its like who are you kidding. Yourself. Your only hurting yourself. Also the people that say oh...Diet Pepsi I am gonna put in my body and then lose some weight. Are you kidding me? Me. For the last 6+ months, I have cut anything thats unhealthy out of my body. Natural is way better. Added a multi vitamin and has even on my vacation made sure the place we were staying at had an exercise room. I will lose weight that is for sure. But its for me. Just for me.

Ahh..had to go there...people are imposers in the this weight loss world. Or another thing.. statement.. Okay we get it your fat..either do something about it or STFU.

Aquarius...I am definatley you

A typical Aquarius has the attribute of intense desire to communicate. You are a bit tactless and rude if you don't learn to moderate your constant broadcasting around those whose opinions may be a bit more on the conservative side. You are interesting and attractive. You can be shy, sensitive, gentle and patient or enthusiastic and lively with a tendency to be exhibitionists. Both types are strong willed and forceful in its own way. You are very opinionated with strong convictions and fight for what you believe. You are farsighted and innovative. You are generally without prejudice and quite tolerant of others' point of view. They are good listeners, and care deeply for their friends. To people they are not close to however, they can be somewhat detached. The Aquarius sun sign is true blue and loyal. They are one of the first to sign up to server their country, and will give their lives defending her.

You are truly humane and known to be frank and outspoken. You are refined and idealistic, romantic and practical, personable and likable person. Being quick in mind and responding, you love activity and are quite reasonable in that. They can be counted on to come up with original ideas. They make good designers and inventors as well as musicians. These intellectuals excel in the arts as well as the technical trades. You cherish and guard your independence and are a strange mixture of caring concern and cool detachment. You will go out of your way to help when needed but will never get emotionally involved.

Aquarius...I am definatley you

I can fully understand myself. I am NOT a forgiving person. I can be the best friend you will ever have or I can loath you. Loath is the best word to describe how much I hate maybe one person in this word. I canbit accept someone who back stabs another person. So for me when these people talk its like okay go die in a hole somewhere. Mean, I never claimed to be nice. Even when I see them I'm like god, can't you just move out of the universe. I have never tortured anyone in my life, in that respect I am a nice person. I do not care how other people perceive you. You are your own person and do not deserved to be bullied. I still remember my first fight. A girl made fun of my glasses in Delta. I gave her two black eyes and a broken nose, for myself I had to give myself a bloody nose. SO it looked like she started it. Yes I was a little shit.

I had lots of friends from one corner of the spectrum to the other. Two of my friends I protected with all I had. The one and only guy who dumped me I slammed a metal door in his face. Revenge maybe I like that a little too much. Plus I had an anger problem, that was beyond bad. It all stopped when I was a sophomore and I threaten to kill a girl in very descriptive manner. As I sat in that office with a cop and the prospects of being expelled. I grew up. It was scarier having to face my mom then a police officer. I do not get in this word how people can get stabbed in the back and turn around " Were best friends" WTF. Or woman in bad relationships, abusive, or even the been dating a week "I love you" Blah. I think honestly the last decent group of people were born in 1989. Thats giving a year younger than me credit. That maybe it doesnt deserve but oh well.

Another thing lacking in character, I love attention. Good attention. I love talking. Probably because I use to spend 12 hours a day or all night on the phone. I love being touched, I love talks, walking and just plan being with people. I am an alcoholic, I cannot be around alcohol unless I am getting drunk. I even limit myself to going to places with Vodka or Tequilla. Its sad, but I understand who I am. I am becoming obsessed with changing my body. Losing weight, I have two tattoos planned..Cherry blossom tree on my back, hip, boob and down my arm into my scars. Second one is my childrens names and I want their foot prints on me. Piercing go as followed snake bits, which I already have one side and then I am really interested in getting my clitoris pierced. Mmhmm..eye brow raised. Love it. I do not want to be anyone else..because honestly I am way to awesome and people lives are a sticky not compare to mine. I am egotistical but that because I am Steph. Then I read my sign...Explains me Exactly...

Aquarius
"Traits"
Good communication skills
Sociable
Idealist
Tactless
Desires change
A utopian
Friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual

All the time all of these explain me


Likes...
change for its own sake,
Fame
Themselves
Privacy
Dreams
Magic
Change
Eccentricity
Surprises
Living within their means

Negative
Intractable and contrary
• Perverse and unpredictable
• Unemotional and detached


Once again so me...now for the dislikes...
Emotion
Intimacy
Show-offs
Taken for granted
Being 'pinned down'
Violence
Senseless extravagance

Yup so me. Hmm..this is me. I am very much like all these

Commit

Lately, I have been having a horrible itching to change even more. The weight is coming off and it is exciting. Jillian Michaels, Denise Austin, Bob harper, Jessice, and Jackie are people I strongly look up too. I am currently just trying to get my water intake adjusted. It is considered a gallon a day. I am a little under a gallon by like an ounce. I am really enjoying my new videos. They really burn your arms out. Which I enjoy very much. Okay, if I don't have to pick up two kids all day. It would be a little easier if I didn't have kids. But I make time to throw it in. Two kids and a full time mom. At least I have a great husband who is nice enough to take them at night so I can go on my walk/run or do my exercise videos//I do two a day. Soon it will be 5:30 a.m. and bed at 11:00p.m. I hope my body adapt to at least 5 to 6 hours of sleep compared to 3 hours. I drink an Ensure everyday. Which I love my Strawberry one..That's my morning love. Or my TlC bars. I am doing my eating healthier, no diet, and portion sizes. My body would commit suicide if I ever thought about starving it, lol. Maybe that is an overstatement.

But all that matters is weight loss. 100% whether it be gaining water weight, losing pure body fat, inches, or losing that pound. I adore this journey and seeing the changes..and oh yeah buying new worrkout clothes.

I am getting a Quaker!!!

So I have been busting my butt of all day today. Well I had a bit of fun. We all went to the zoo today. It was perfect weather, sunny and beautiful. It wasn't that crowded. It was my idea since I didn't wanna just go outside. Anywho, had a great time and visited the cockatoo that I so dearly love. Which got me on my subject, but first. I have my trips all plotted out and hello St. cloud and Cape Cod I am ready. SO very ready. But anyway back to the birds. I have been thinking a lot of what birds I should get. I have 4 parakeets.

This is slate he is slate colored and a peach.

These are Jazzy(shes the multicolored one), Champagne (the all yeallow one ) and Aquamarine(Yellow with azure.

THey are the best birds ever so I had to make up my mind of what kind of bird I want. First I thought cockatiels. I still love them. I eventually want two. But I decided against it and contacted a local bird farm. First I was interested in an Indian Ring Neck

They are beautiful. But I found out they are quiet big and may accidencely hurt my poor budgies. Which that cannot happen. Then I found a Parrotlet.

They are little but the lady decided that I should get a Quaker a bird for my needs. I have only met two Quakers and now after learning so much on them and David agreeing. I will be getting a beautiful Blue Quaker. THey love other birds. So I cannot wait to get one. They are handraises and in a very lovely place. 3 hours away. Oh well.

So can all this wedding stuff get out of the way. So I can get me a new Bird. I cannot even express how much I love this. I plan on making most of its toys. I really hope its a boy. But a girl is always nice too. Good night to a long day

Running

So lately I have been attempting to run? This brings up things in my head. Even my friend who has bee "running" even says I would not call myself a "runner". According to everything I read you start out slow. As in my case, 2 minutes of running/4 minutes of walking for a week. Then it gets higher every week 3/3, 4/2 and etc. You build up. Does that mean at this point you aren't a runner. No, you are considered a runner. Dosen't matter if your just starting out or on that 26 mile marathon, you are considered a runner.

Running is exercise that burns calories like nothing else. Interesting fact about 60% of runners, run just to manage their weight. It burns your legs out, tightens your stomach, and burns your arms down. It helps you clear your mind, put yourself to the test, and even build up your lungs. My brother had asthma when he was younger and now he is running 26.4 marathon runs. Just amazing. Hes of course been running for 10+ Years. So he has well, a lot more experience than I do. In my exercise/weight loss journey I have been pushing myself up to the next level every chance I get. Maybe just to prove to myself I can do this. I strive to do this. Even when my calves feel like they are screaming from every direction or my biceps are dying. I still get up and do it. Even after my workout partner quit last month. I wasn't going to be like her.

I have heard from countless people that I am going to loss the weight. I feel gross, disgusting and etc. Then you watch them shove fast food and more unhealthy stuff in their face. All you can wonder, really you feel horrible about yourself but your eating that. Well then. I gave up pop, fast food(just subway, anything with corn syrup, high frutose, bleached stuff, and traded it all in. For water a gallon a day, working out for an hour a day, salads, wheat, and so much more. Seems know anything packed full of sugar makes me want to barf. Blah, seriously. This road is not being taken easily. But thats the fun in life.If everything was the same and normal. Life would be amazingly boring. Well off to do my exercise.

Personal Trainer, as a career

So I looked my Husband in the eye told him " I have decided what I am going to do in life and you can't laugh" He looked at me and was like what is it. "I think I want to go to school to be a Personal Trainer." Surprisingly he was wow, that makes sense your really good at motivating people and getting them to work harder. Of course, I wouldn't do it til after the kids go to school but I took a test and got 99% right. It was easy things, muscle injuries, muscles, what exercises build up muscles.Honestly easy questions. I cannot wait to go to school for it. Unlike what most people think you have to be fit to be a personal trainer. Myth. You do not. Me personally I want to be fit. Amazingly fit. I want to be able to be the greatest motivation to people that were stuck in my position. Something I would love to do to people. Be motivation, a rock and personally anything else they would want from me. This is something that can never fail. THis world is every growing in well weight. People will always go for a gym and look for help.

I have been working out like crazy the last week. Stubborn pounds I tell you. That Damn scale is only budging in my body fat % going down and water going up. Okay which yes is good. I celebrated my weight loss with 2 new outfits for losing weight. Love it. I am not sure if I love the money spending or the out fits more. One is blue and has a flower on it, the Capri and darkest blue with flowery top. Then the other one is just purple. Debating on buying the other two. Ones Red and the other is Yoga looking. I love me some yoga. I have been in search for girley workout clothes. I hate working out in just black and white. Its boring. That boost of confident in matching workout clothes. Now I just need to find matching light hoodies. That would make me ecstatic. I know. I am a workout nerd. But I guess that means I am healthy.

I hear so many people say they dont know where to start. All I did was go to the store..grabbed a dvd. Started my journey. I saw what I like and what dosent do shit. My take. Then go get a piece of equipment. Right now I own 10 pieces of workout equipment. Nice. Different sizes too. I am hoping to get ankle weights to bike in. Know to start my day!!

Help me understand who you are

You're so beautiful
But that's not why I love you
I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you, is you
Being you, just you
Yea the reason I love you
Is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you

lala, lalalala, lala, lalala

I like the way you misbehave
When we get wasted
But that's not why I love you
And how you keep your cool when I am complicated
But that's not why I love you, hey

I adore this song by Avril Lavigne. One line sticks out so much. " And you keep your cool when I am complicated" Every time I think of how calm David keeps me. In 2007 we went to Kings Island and got on a ride. Leaving my tinkerbell purse in the bin, which had 60$, my card, earrings,card,glasses, and much more. We got off the ride. Everything was gone. While we are waiting for the Cops. I was throwing up. Ended up being my red slushy they thought it was blood. I had to go on the little med. thing. Really annoyed. David was so calm. 2 weeks later I got all my stuff back except the money and our cell phones. Bummer. But he kept me so calm. He spent that night cuddling and telling me it would be okay. How much he loved me. It was amazing.

"You said hey whats your name"

Last night after all my friends "Drama" not with me but boyfriend problems. I had to clear my mind..and soul. I took a three hour walk until midnight. Destroyed my fears of walking down the pathway and down county road 13. Pitch Black. Honestly, I dont think half the time I saw anything. Not even my arms. Sometimes my brain needs utter isolation and darkness to clear up. It makes me feel so safe. " Sometimes I don't understand whats going on inside my brain" That is an understatement. It feels their are destructive layers, passive layers, anger layers, music layers, and many more. It like oh, a great day, what can I do to destroy it. Any dreams I have are probably the most adrenaline packed dream`s and scariest movies you have ever seen. I don't even know why. I have seen ghosts or apparitions they don't even terrify me. Put me in my dreams and watch me suffer. Most gruesome, horrid things. Sometimes a lot of it takes in the past medieval times. It is like I am having memories from a past life. Weird as that is, it feel true. Regardless if it is or not Creepy dreams.

I have worked so hard the last couple days..and let me tell you my back upper back is feeling some burn. Okay really bad Omg burn. I decided This month I am training for 30 day shred. If I complete 30 days of that next month I am buying insantity. Why else I am Insane lol. My sister- in law did it and she looks great. Whoo! Hard work!!!