Beauty Inside and Out

The 100 workout

So for the last two days, I have tried the 100 workout. I never thought that would be easy..
Consists of :
180 jumping jacks
140 crunches
120 squats
100 leg lifts
20 push ups
10 min of jogging

I did it. That is one fit woman at the moment. This is now my morning routine. I hope to add much more to it. Like Deadlifts or Jump Squats.

Incredible

IS it Sunday yet? Or Monday for that matter?

Not that this week is going bad! It is going perfect, Perfect! In fact, the emotions I am feeling are absolutely insane. I am incredibly happy, in fact so happy I could just burst into tears. Tears of happiness. My emotions feel like a huge roller coaster. None are bad just all different degrees of insanity and happiness.

1. I bought a pair of Capri earlier this year to set me on track..I could not zip them up at all. Then are on the hips. Tried them on today! They fit a little muffin top but they still Zip Up! That shows progress...cannot wait to try them on in 30 days.

2. I finish Slim in 6 in 4 more days. I have graduated kiddies. Burn It Up is extremely incredibly intense. I have completed Start It Up (30 minutes, 1 week) Ramp It Up (45 minutes,2 weeks) and Burn It Up (60 minutes, 3 weeks)I am so proud of myself :)

3. Sunday will be going on a 16 mile hike with my husband. Am more excited than I can ever ever describe. This will be the first time in a while it will be just him and I doing what we love the most. He may not workout with me but he is willing to walk or run with me :)

4. I weigh in Monday! I do not even care if it is 5 pounds lost...because I have already gained so much...pus 20 pushups and lifting 5 pound weights

5.Start Supreme 90 Monday! End Date December 31st! Great end to an amazing year!

After 3 years I am finding myself again!!!!and this is big. Incredible journey

Just Boredom I guess

So as I look at the Shipping date of Supreme 90...It is suppose to be here October 3rd. Which means that will be the day I start it. Provided that the shipping date is correct. That means I would end December 31st..Talk about ending the year right. By Halloween I will be on day 60 Thanksgiving DaY 83. Which I am pretty excited to mostly complete this before Frey's Christmas Party then I can go buy a cute dress and such. I like shoes more than I like actually dressing up. I have a feeling this will go so much faster than SLim in 6.

Slim in 6 breakdown:
Start It Up (30 min) 1 week
Ramp It Up (45 min) 2 weeks
Burn It Up (60 min) 3 weeks

I cannot really remember anything other than Burn It Up because it has been the only thing I have been slaving on. 30 minutes of cardio burning squats and such. It packs so much into 30 minutes...I hate the entire part and your heart barely drops past 160. Than comes the easy resistance band and I used my 5 pound weights..Than floor exercises and crunches..Cannot explain this exercise any other way due to just do it. Just try it. I have noticed changes everyday..plus I can do 20 push ups. So I call that pretty accomplished. I am just dying to know what my fat ratio and my water content is. My weight of course.

Slim in 6 has let me fit into a shirt that hasn't fit right since pregnancy with Lori in 2009. That is to me a huge reward. Most of my tank tops are falling off of me and my pants look baggy because I am losing weight in my thighs..My back is showing definition and my shoulders are coming back. I am also back to larges :) I would recommend it to anyone..who is not a beginner. I am lifting 5lbs with ease.

Cannot wait til Sunday to do 16 miles..than start Supreme 90 :)

Balancing all the right things

There is a common question I seem to be getting asked lately.

1. How do I do it?
2. How do I find time?
3. How do I balance wife duties, working out, animals, toddlers, friends, and family?

Well I am doing it because I use to be 119 pounds. Use to be and will be again..that was 2 1/2 years ago. When I got Pregnant I slept all the time and threw up. Not really sure how I gained about 81 pounds...Well awesome do not feel bad I gained weight. Because in fact I got blessed with an easy labor. Natural, no epidurals. An hour and a half. My daughter got a little more intense gained 43 pounds with her..all hard back labor and the medicine the gave me to lesson the pain made me throw up. So 2 hours of back labor. I would rather gain weight anyday than have a c-section or long labor. I prolonged this journey because I was breastfeeding my son. I stopped at 3 months when I lost my milk due to pregnancy and by the time my son walked 9 months..my daughter was about due. Once again stuck to doing the important things. Breastfeeding my daughter. 8 months...she started walking at 12 months.

So I did not and was not able to do this with a toddler and newborn. They had all my attention and at one point I babysit a 3 year old, along with my kids 2 and 1. So when they slept I slept. We were co-sleepers so when it was bedtime mommy followed. SO I did not have a lot of time to start my journey. Hated not fitting into my clothes, hated being the "fat" girl in the family. Going from skinny to obese...yes obese is rough.

I hit my point...It was February 13, 2010. Earlier this year. I was off Depo for 6 months. I was in a state of uproaring emotions. Depo-Provera Messes with every emotion you have. Also helps so you gain or is harder to loose weight. I was crying on the couch, basically asking my husband why he even love me. I am fat and ugly. My husband held me and told me" I created our family and how amazing I was" He became super protective toward me. I decided that Day I would Lose this weight in 2 years...and be happy again. My friend and I picked up a copy of Ea Active 2...I completed that for the whole 9 weeks. That was my start up point. On top of that walking my puppies, and using an elliptical or treadmill for 30 minutes. That was my starting to get my body moving. Just that simple.

Then it moved to losing my workout partner. She had only enough motivation until things got hard. Then since this wasn't her number 1 goal she quit. Then it was all up to me...I probably own easily every Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels workouts. Plus tons more and I can tell you I have at least done each one for a week at a time.

Then it came to Weddings. Our June and July we had four weddings. Know sure if we stayed at home for any of them it wouldn't have matter. First one was Cape Cod, Massachusetts..we lived in a hotel room for a week. Not many healthy choices either. One good thing gained no weight on any of these vacations..Next came Mansfield..3 hours away. 2 days wasn't that bad. Next came one in July but it was 30 minutes away sadly we didn't even get to enjoy it because...we had to bring my son to the er.Last one in St. Cloud minnesota..for I think we stayed 4 days. I sadly was so much on the run..it was hard but while we were in Minnesota we would walk around the parks and stop and go walking. So those were my horrid months.

But I decided starting in August nothing was stopping me. Nothing! Riding bike for an hour a day and then I got Slim in 6 and had been conquering ever since. I am on Week 6 about to finish. I am seeing great results..

But let me tell you I could do not, Could not do this without my husband. My husband, my best friend, father of my children...he has so many titles. He eats healthy like me and he give me the time needed for me to workout, he understands what I need to do. Plus it makes our relationship so much better.

I find all kinds of time to workout. Any one can make up excuses why the cannot do it here's my secret...haha.

I do not drink pop..nope not even at Restaurants . I always get water.
I did whole milk..I just cannot drink 2% I think it takes too watery.
I drink water all the time.
I take Immune multivitamins and Multivitamins.
I am not on a diet. I eat portions and in moderation
I learn as much as I can about losing weight.
I like programs that seem if you want results than do 6 days a week
---Slim In 6-----Supreme 90
I find all kinds of time...while my husband is still asleep in the morning before work I walk the dogs for an hour
Naptime Zeke has quiet playing time in his room with his tv and Lorilye naps. I clean the house and workout for an hour
David gets home at about 5ish. I ask him if he wants to go on a walk..then we go on 3-5 mile walks together with the kids.
Or this weekend I told him lets do 16 mile hike while the kids are at grandmas..He agreed.
Or I wait til 9 and go on a run after the kids are in bed.

You can always make time it just takes commitment and motivation. Effort is key word. Monday is coming close for my weigh in..was 23 ponds 6 weeks ago cannot wait to see the hard work..

These emotions are...

Gasp are those shrunken hips...and stomach..ohh gasp! Wait my boobs are the same size...dammit!

I am dreading that scale....so so so so much. I do not know what I am scare of...I have accomplished making xl look huge on me. Large is the size I am at. My boobs haven't shrunk any but I still have hope. The shirt above I haven't wore in over a year! It fits...It fits...It Fits. Things in my closet I haven't seen since pregnant with Zeke are fitting. Why am I letting this plastic expensive piece of insignificant scale..control my thoughts. I am scare of this number...more scared than I have ever been about anything in my life....One thing is last time I weighed myself...I was 219. A number 23 pounds lost signified. For me that made me cry for an hour. I sat on my bathroom and bawled my eyes out. Crying is rare for me. I just couldn't believe that I ...me did this.

I cannot imagine...what 210 pounds could signify..or putting my hopes up high..to 200. I don't expect to lose 19 pounds in 6 weeks but just that thought boggles my mind...Even 5 pounds I will be excited for. My arms are getting stronger and this shirt use to be tight on my arms..it is not anymore. It is not tight anywear.My pants are looking huge and falling off. It is amazing. Amazing that I am doing this.

I may be doing this for myself. But I dedicate this to every one making this journey with me, or just starting. I also do this for my husband he met me when I was skinny and I am giving him that. I will prove to be a fit mom for my children. I am starting to tear up writing this. This journey is so emotional for me. This is me! THIS IS WHO I AM! This is me! By the end of this I will be losing over a 100+ pounds! When I hit my goal weight..I will put this journey on my body...a tattoo along with my scars to remind me where I am not going to be again. I will never never never..be this big again..I can guarantee it. 5 more days of Slim in 6 and lots more walking on the trails we hit another 3 miles!

The past can always be used for greatness

You know it is funny last year someone that is part of my past wrote how I was Morbidly obese.Just to make herself feel better, she attacked me and my weight. I write this because she is not a skinny person and in fact she is bigger than me at the moment.She attacked me purely because she is jealous of me and always has been. Specially, since her boyfriend was hitting on me constantly. That comment gave me the most motivation toward my goal. As that person has attacked my very being and tried to destroy my life. In all attempts made me much stronger. I took someone who is purely a bully and knocked her off her high horse. I have been working my butt off to prove her insignificant comments wrong. Of course, It hurt thats what it was suppose to do. I am beautiful Inside and out and Honestly I will always be more beautiful than her.

Because truth is I do not treat people like crap or make them feel like crap.Maybe these seem like very contradictory comments but I feel justified. She is part of my past.But taking up from 2005-2007 of being the most immature, meanest, rude commented, high horsed person I have ever met in my life. By the time everything came to a crashing halt..I was sick of it. The boyfriend was constantly hitting on me and much more. Ugh. I did not want him I was perfectly happy with my man. Still am. I will tell you just for the time we were together I was the nicest person I could be and I respected their relationship. We all have our ups and downs. Every relationship is different.

I went through so much crap because of those two people. Things I care not to relive ever! Or even talk about. Let's just say they did not care about David as a friend, they cared about their themselves and what they liked. Not once did the think about David. With any friendship if it makes your friend happy then leave it be. Because if not you will lose that friend. Is you being happy really worth losing a close friend?

With the pounds leaving, I feel as though that nightmare is finally disappearing. Of course, I should not think of anything. But when a relationship of friendship fails, it still lingers. Always. It has teached me that even when I do not like someone it is better to be nicer to them for the whole fact that they should never be treated how I was treated. I have had friends with boyfriends that my friends deserve better, but I will treat them as a friend. No matter what.Because its not my feeling or my life in fact, I care what is best for them and what makes them happy. I always keep the positives in my life and strive to achieve perfection. I have been there 100% for my friends and many of my friends tell me how much I can make them feel better. I pride myself in being a loyal friend...because in fact it is so worth it. Doesn't matter what makes me happy, it is what makes them happy.

This blog I pondered. I deleted most of the negative and tried not to bash into the ground. It comes to it has been 4 years..give or take and honestly I wish them the best. Always. Not that I would ever ever ever put them in my life again, but they can be happy together. I recovered my husband from that downward spiral. We have moved on and hopefully they "she" has too.

The past will always be there but why are her comments going to mean a thing when I am back down to my original weight? It won't matter one bit. Not that it should matter now, I have an amazing husband, two beautiful toddlers and surrounded by the best of friends and family. Just have to let those comments saturate into the base and ground of all my weight loss efforts.

I am working on Week 6 of Slim in 6. Week 6..that is 6 lovely weeks of 6 lovely days of working out. I get to see the scale Sunday and weigh in Monday morning and hopefully start Supreme 90. Thank You "you know who you are" for being part of my motivation. I know you don't want to hear that. But thank you, so much.

You have dragged me through hell and back but also achieved throwing me into the best journey of my entire life. I do not want to be this weigh this for even one year more, I will chisel and kill this. I am almost rounding a year of my weigh loss journey. I have done so much stuff this year and personally achieved so many accomplishments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the best people of my life, who have been there through thick and thin. I love you guys.

Almost Weigh In Time

When In doubt eat mac and cheese? yes, I believe this in everyway possible. Today I sat down with my mac and cheese. Looked at my wonderful family and put a plan together. We were going on a walk. We decided on a national Park. My husband, Zeke, Lori, the wagon, and I decided to go on a 5 mile walk. Perfect. Even helps mommy (me) closer to losing weight. Excited to be off on our journey, sippies in hand and smiles on our faces.

I grew up in a family that every year we walked this place. All day just enjoying time with each other or as we got older Mom and David would walk while my brother and I went a head.Found creative ways to tell them which way we went. We may have not done a whole lot of things together but this was one of those things I loved. David's family had never been there together. I went there for as long as I could remember back in the day there was a very scary bridge. Rope holding on either side and wooden planks...ugh so scared of heights and while I walked across my brother shook the bridge. I went and started screaming crying I was 5...this bridge disappeared when I was like 10. Thank God! I would probably still slowly cross it today.

It was fantastic day to walk fast across the walking trail. We were almost in what we called Lord of the Rings Land..you expected to see a nymph or elf...for how green and breathtaking the view is. The White tailed deer with fawns were everywhere! Zeke was saying "Deer Deer, Mommy. DEER!" Adorable. Lorilye was so excited to be surrounded by nature. The last 2 miles we let them out of the wagon to run and just be themselves. Lorilye picked up a stick and would use it as a walking stick...but If David walked to far a head of her. She would cross her arms and stand there angrily until he can back for her. Zeke and I would run(while he pulled the wagon) down the lane. He has so much energy and loves being so active!

So this brings the big picture..my goals! Still in full force. Next week, in fact Next Monday is weigh in time. This time bring so many emotions. Not knowing whether to cry or jump up and down in excitement. Hard work has paided off I already know that but this week is going to be extreme. Every day will start easily at 5ish dog walking time! Get home see the hubby off to work. Then there will be nothing bad in my body this week. Nothing besides healthy portions, fruit and veggies..Working out Burn It Up for an hour and then.....David and I have Saturday and Sunday off as working parents! I will be worried out of my mind but we haven't had an official break since Junish...for wills wedding. So who knows what Saturday will bring...but Sunday we will be going to a national park and walking the longest trail 16 miles...straight no stops Hopefully some running...Lots of water and nutrigrain :) Great finish to be a graduate in Slim in 6.

Supreme 90 is on its way here....I cannot wait. 90 days of full commitment. 90 days of full on changes! 90 days of pushing myself to somewhere I know I will be. Changes that are 100% worth it! Slim in 6 was commitment for 42 days. <3 <3 <3

New Birdie

Day 9: Starting Saturday

5:30 a.m. : Going for a run 30 min. with Kaya 30 min with Mailee
6:30 a.m. : Take Multivitamins and Immune vitamins
7:00 a.m. : Do Burn It Up! (an hour)
3:00 p.m. : Ride Bike for an hour

No fast food, Ice cream is my weakness...unless a salad...but not a filled with shit salad gross
No sweets, nothing sugar...which is okay..

Bed by 11:00pm

Tons of vegetables and fruit.

Next 2 weeks to finish Burn It Up...which lead to Week 7!

Crazy Hair!

Day 8: Whenever I lose Motivation

I always doubt myself when things get too overwhelming for me...doesn't mean I give up just means I get a little depressed and then workout harder.Yes, apparently punishments for me equal tons of hard work. In the last 3 years I have done amazing things.

I have carried two children. Went over my due date by 2 weeks. Naturally Birthed both kids and went through labor.(Kids being 8lbs 6oz 21 in and 8lbs 9oz 21 in) Breastfeed successfully both kids, one for 3 months(milk went dry due to pregnancy) and then 8 months with my daughter. Have lost 23 pounds or more..just because I put my mind to it. Am only 23 and I own my own house, car, got married, had kids and that is like half the battle in my 20s. I have some amazing friends that never let me forget who I am. I am there for my friends and help them through difficult times. Motherhood is pretty amazing in itself and keeps you always on your toes. I am pushing toward my goal of being a personal trainer. I do not really know what other things I can become in the next 6-7 years of my 20's but knowing me it will be anything less of amazing.

I may not be perfect but my life is falling into what I could have never imagined at 16. I didn't plan this, but it has giving me so much more valuable information in this life. This weight loss journey is a huge one! The inspiration and motivation is just plain amazing. Last night I was watching Biggest loser and probably teared up half the show. When Anna ran to the team I was crying! She didn't just stand there and judge. She wanted to help them. Plus the black dude looks like he is going to kick ass this season.

Week 5 is sucking. Yesterday, my son was getting sick all night so that opted out of that workout...Doing an hour isn't feasible when kids are more important. Last night got an hour of sleep. But any workouts that I miss go on my Week 7. That is because I am doing all the exercise! I will complete this.

Day 8: Believe in Yourself

I am so proud of my best friend. She is starting a workout program and I will be there for her 100% and even workout with her, when she wants me to, even if I have already worked out. That is a real friend.

I had workout partners and they failed. They have been skinnier than me and failed. Disappointed not only me but themselves. I have flung workout partners to the wind and depended on myself. With much motivation from friends and family it is amazing. Plus my Sparkpeople Friends I love your comments they go on my motivational board and make me always remember everyone encouraging me.

One of our conversations..included thinking that a workout is hard. Then regretting why didn't start sooner or thinking how did I let myself get like this. Stop! Right there. That kind of negative talk gets you no where. Absolutely, let those negative thoughts go and strive to get it right, right now. It should be hard, if it was easy we would all be skinnier! You are trying now and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Many people cannot even get to the getting up part.

There is a wall in exercising. It the wall you hit when things get hard, and you cannot grip the motivation for it. This wall is the toughest thing to get over! Trust me once you hit that, you want to grab the nearest sugary food and sit on the couch and mope. During this time, you also think how it is not working and you will never be able to do it. I hit this wall after my calves were in so much pain...I cried myself to sleep at night. Tons of Icy hot slabbed on it. I looked at my scale and I said I will get you down. Took some long walks(5 miles) and meditated and I have never looked back!

Never compare yourself to others in exercise. We are at so many different levels that it is hard to compare. Just look up to and believe that someday you will reach that level. I do all the time. People that have lost so many pounds, specially people that have went from 240 to 125...I smile everytime. If they can do it I can to. If I can do it anyone else can do it.

Just remember do this for you, not others. Don't let others problems and anger bring you down. Do not Give up losing 20 pounds isn't easy, losing 40 pounds isn't easy, 60 pounds isn't easy, but It can be done and people do it all the time. Plus It is so worth it when You try on those smaller clothes and feel great!

Hope this inspires someone to start a journey they will not regret!!!

Day 7: Changes are coming

So the leaves are changing colors as they leave their branches. Covering the ground in their wonderful colors. September is here..bringing its cold nights and beautiful sunny (or here rainy) days. Which with September coming and soon to be ending. I am on Week 5 of Slim in 6.

Week 5..of working my butt off. For what? To have thinner thighs, to see the fat shrink off, to fit into better clothes....okay all good reasons...

But...I do it because I want to be normal again. Pay attention...to the I. I do it for myself and only myself. I only have to men to impress in my life and I think both of them are pretty happy. It is easy to keep a Toddler and a husband decent. I also have a daughter that is looking up to me and she sees how hard mommy is working. But still all for me! My husband has physically restrained me from exercising when I was sick, and most time thinks I am crazy.

I do not feel comfortable in this body. I was 119 pounds my entire 18 years. I loved wearing Jeans and dressing cute. Being Emo that was me. The day I started gaining weight when I was pregnant...I got a stretch mark on my hip..my body knew this wasn't suppose to be happening. In the last 3 years after 2 pregnancies I gained just about 124 pounds. I will say Depo- Provera did not help matters. My body, seeing pictures of myself, smiling...I just see a person I do not recognize...that person is fat. Weighing in on February 14th 2011 I weighted 243.3 pounds, 53% fat, and 34.3. I hit that point of what am I doing, I got off Depo and started my journey.

On August 20th, I weighed 220.8, was 46.3 % fat and 39.2% water. Due to the fact so much traveling, weddings, and workout partners quitting over the past 8 months. I am on full force destruction mode and nothing is stopping me...

Why..
Because I want to wear Jeans again! It has easily been two year
I don't ever want to see the word xlarge again
I deserve a better body
I want to make my kids proud of me
I want to feel at home next to my husband.( even though he loves me unconditionally)
I dont ever want to be said to me You use to be the fit girl! Ugh
I want all the feelings to go away towards, clothes, mirrors, others, past
I want to inspire others.
Personal trainer I want to become.
I want to be the person I was before...because that person is me

Goals:
Finish Slim in 6 on week 5
Supreme 90 start on October 10th will complete until January 7th!
Finish completely 30 day shred

My goals for the rest of this year and next year

to lose 110 pounds..if I lose more awesome..
A “healthy” BMI ranges from 18.5 to 24.9.
Get my water up to a "normal level"
Become a tough Mudder
Run a 5K marathon

Short Term:
Get under 200 pounds
Finish Slim in 6
Keep Active
Start Supreme 90
Keep a positive attitude
Read the Spark

Never Give Up! Fighting for your dreams!

Rinoa: Gosh, you're such a pessimist. There are no guarantees in the future. That's why TODAY, the time we have now, is important. Squall, we wanna help you, as much as we can, for as long as we can. We all love you. There, I said it. Please don't freak out. We just wanna live, y'know, live through this time with you, together.

Day 6: Perception

I have had so many mixed emotions about working out while I am sick. I mean I am seriously sick Puking, Fever, Runny nose, sore throat all equal feeling like Crap! I have had so many views on it. My husband has restricted me, on working out on Wednesday, so I did an hour on my stationary bike. Yesterday, I slept enough to feel a little better(plus some Dayquil) and did Burn It Up! The workout is an hour long! max heartbeat 169, average 130. Finish with like 3 pauses and drank 6 water. Oh and did 20 pushups.

Anyone that knows me! Knows I hate to be restricted. Even If my body is screaming at me. I push myself til I am blue in the face. It funny I dare someone to call me fat for the simple fact I would love to see you work out as hard as I do. Doesn't matter if I am sick or sore, the FACT is I am finishing Slim in 6! With flying fricking colors. I have 2 weeks and 2 days left. It is kind of amazing that next week is Week 5. Already? I haven't missed any days. Yesterday I took as my rest day. You have only one rest day a week. So It will be 10 days til rest.

The Perceptions of other people are quite interesting. I have inspired some to continue their own journey, Others have been telling me to watch my body, and others have completely said your crazy. Well that is a duh! I am crazy in all ways speaking. Who while sick would want to work out, Seriously, a nice bed with some Minestrone Soup. As good as that sounds...How about no? Anyone in my position knows You do not get better with Two toddlers!

I think its because I may have a fat shell...but it has only been 2 years since I gotten bigger. So I am still a skinny girl on the inside and she is dying to get out :)

Day 5: Get away from that Scale

Why is it that this $32 piece of plastic and metal rules are daily life. It controls our mood from destroying months of hard work to celebrating.Why? Because we let that single number control us.

I am not far from its mind controlling ways. My scale tells me how much fat I have, water weight, and my weight. Its the lethal kind. Something is bound to make you sad. For me gaining weight while trying to lose it was motivation to try harder. But when I didn't lose for a week I got pretty pissed off at the thing. Even replacing the batteries or moving it. So I decided to disconnect myself from the scale. I quit cold turkey.

Started Slim in 6 and it said 6 weeks of this program. I said fine, scale say your goodbyes and off it went to stay with my friend for 6 weeks.Also I told my friend I have to finish this in order to get if back. Can I say what motivation it has gave me? I will not be disappointed by that small significant number. You will not intimidate me! Even if I lose no weight at all I still rule over you, stupid scale. I know I have got new clothes and without that scale I see the progressive changes in the attitude, the new clothes, the smile, the stomach, and most of all the people around me.

It should be how YOU feel when losing weight and what YOU see! Not what that stupid invented thing is telling you. Let it remind you that maybe you fell off track. But DO NOT let it control you or your emotions. So do not beat yourself up if that number isn't what you use it as motivation to get it where you want.

I dare you to start something new and give the scale up. The first few weeks I wanted to call my friend and beg for it back...Yes, BEG. Then I realize It will be six week before I know it. And it has been October 1st is smiling at me :)

Smiling at me and saying Congratulations you have reached your 6 weeks now work harder.
Remember this is the rest of your life, not just a destination. It is a journey to better who you are forever.

*I fell apart, but got back up again*

Day 4: Because You are going to get sick

This is my medicine of choice! Ugh of course when you go through a large program you are bound to be sick... Plus drinking lowers the immune system so...Of course I got sick

I have a fever which makes it very hard to workout with..

I am still working through it I told my husband unless I am pucking blood or died, I will not stop working out. If I stop I have to start all 6 weeks over again. My blood sugar is low which makes me dizzy so as much Ensure as possible to stop that. To carry on is hard...But at least I may be dying while sick but I am oh so motivated and looking good doing it....Notice the circles under my eyes..

I don't recommend working out while sick. It sucks...but If your motivated like me I will not let this stop me and working out for an hour and then sleeping for 15 plus hours is nice... :) Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Ps..sorry about all the boobage..since I dont have small boobs this is what happens.....Sorry if it is offending. See what comfy....happens makes your boobs look huge..ugh

Day 3: Inspiration

No one is harder on me than myself, I inspire to be something truly above and beyond. No matter the things holding me back, I will bust down these gates and push though. No excuses, No Boundaries. Just Go for it and let nothing stop you. Only have one life to live, so MAKE it remarkable. If I died today, I would never Regret anything I did ♥ It all had a purpose.

If you are unhappy with how you look or strive to be better! Try just try! Lose all those pounds and make your life something you want it to be. I realize it is hard! Never said it would be easy, In fact it will be the hardest thing you will ever go through. Will make you sweat buckets, lose balance, give you sore muscles, and make you lose up to an hour a day. A pound is equal to 3,000 calories so do not be discouraged! Takes almost 2 months to get use to a schedule. Can take almost 4-6 weeks to see a difference in your body(inches). Surprise! You should only lose 1-2 pounds a week. It can be done with a little persistence.

Their are no magic pills to help you with this. We all go here somehow..now either take back your life or live in misery. Its up to you. If you want to be jealous of the skinny, then take that and go achieve that body!

I am inspiring people, not to say wow, you look great, have you lost weight, but to have people go I am so inspired by your quest, I am working my butt off.

I want to say this one more time..stop complaining, stop calling yourself disgusting, Stop getting down on yourself, even stop being disappointed by the way you look. If you are unhappy do something about it! Keep it up to all the girls that are working for a better you :) *I dare you to tell me walk through fire, I dare you too*
Hard workouts that push you beyond your limits will BREAK YOU and that will CHANGE YOU into a BETTER STRONGER PERSON!!!
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ~Bob Moawad

It already has begun:

All your exercise posts make me feel like a slacker... making a resolution to use my StairMaster every morning that my hip isn't too sore to allow it. :)

you push threw being sick to stay with your workout i haven't moved

guess what?!?! you would be so proud of me. i bought a jillian michael's dvd yesterday...... haven't started done the work outs yet, but its a start i bought it! lmao

V_V sometimes people need to find a reason to be motivated, sometimes it takes awhile to click in their minds that they have to get up and go

You have to choose to change your life both when life is breezy and when things aren't going your way <----so true no excuses

Lindsay: honestly, i wouldn't want you to either
i know how you push yourself
in my perception you are killing yourself

To everyone in the last 3 weeks, that have told me I inspire you! I love you all know lets take back this obese world into a healthier world!

Day 2 : Water

Water

I used to be highly allergic to Water. No joke, One drink and my insides would knot up. Ended up feeling sick all the time or throwing it Up. It was horrid. Now my body gets to the point I can enjoy a gallon and feel amazing. I do not have to understand it, I just know my body has moved on.

Water is the best drink you can drink. No calories and cleanses the body. I personally drink 121 fluid ounces a day. It is amazing to feel it all going into my body. I do not drink any pop. The benefit of Diet you better get your facts right! It is not better for you, in fact, diet contains aspartame. Surprise, Aspartame causes Cancer! I would rather stay in shape. I drink V8 occasionally and Whole milk. In my opinion, 2 % tastes like water downed milk..Blah.

I am staying at my goal of drinking 121 fluid ounces a day! I love drinking water and when I work out if is a life saver. I would probably die without it. Try it!

There is an engine in my body
With every beat it lets me breathe
There is a machine within my body
If I could keep up with that machine that's in my body
I could do anything, be anything, see anything
I can feel the beat within my body
If I keep up with it could I catch myself?
No one is telling me the speed I should be travelling
So watch me take the lead (Watch me take the lead)

Motivation:Day 1

Day 1: Motivation

It is a little late...since I am on week 4! Whoo. Of course we all do not have a T-Rex trying to run us down to keep us motivated. My motivation is deeply ingraved inside of me. I never wanted to be bigger..but since I am might as well make the most of it and lose the weight. Cannot just sit back and play the my kids made me gain weight, I am always busy, have no time. We all know those are excuses because it is harder to start exercising than it is to sit and do nothing. Making time is the most difficult task. Even ten minutes on an exercise bike can eventually produce results. Just 10 minutes a day..even doing squats, jumping jacks, and any other cardio workout you can do. Even sitting in front of the tv, punching it out.

My motivation is:

Is the old me! I love seeing Pictures of myself from the past. It motivates me to get that body back. That is truly me. The pounds are shedding, and it is unveiling the real me.

My husband and friends motivate me so much. David gives me the time to exercise, and my friends are full of compliments. The people I inspire on Sparkpeople give me the "I am not going to fail"

My kids because I do not want them to remember their mother being bigger. But then to show them the pictures would be a huge inspiration.

So far 8 glasses of water a day, Exercise(finish Slim In 6), Learn Rollerblading again, Ride my bike for 30 minutes.

It may be hard but I am doing my best to prove myself. 3 more weeks til I get to weigh myself! Cannot fight the results. My stomach is even more tightening, stomach is flattening. Hips are shrinking. My shirts are now at a large! :) Big Results and lost of sweating.

Dont resent me when you feel empty

Spent 4 hours just bawling my eyes out. Why? Well, my husband bought me new clothes that are my style. I am one of those woman who like to dress very very sophisticated and sexy. The shirts that cover the breasts but you know they are there. I leave the man up to some imagination instead of you know all of your boobs practically falling out. Maybe because I have e(ddd) that I feel the struggle everyday with them every single style I have. I am losing weight :)

Crazy, They thing I am Crazy. "The Trial, Pink Floyd" I am on Week 4 of my exercising! I love great. Compliments abroad. I am addicted to the feeling it gives me.

I had great fun this weekend.More achol than my body like to take credit for. My new friends, husband acts just like our old friend Rob! Just doesn't have a jealous wife! SO I LOVE THEM. They stayed with them and there 2 children :) Zeke now knows, Blue, One and Two!!!!

I got bad news that my everlasting friend is moving back to Ohio....I threw a temper tantrum. Maybe a story for another night. Roller blading is going great

Every Pound is a part of the Past

My motivation is bound deep inside of me. Today I fit in a pair of pants that I had while I was pregnant with Zeke. That makes me excited as hell. My ring that I got for our anniversary, is starting to fall off my finger. Shocking. Progress has been made! Well the pictures show that know don't they. Working my butt off and proudly doing it. I may not be able to see my damn scale, but currently I am seeing the results.

Once skinny and working my butt off to be the person I was before. On Sunday it will be the start of my 4th week! 4 weeks of sticking to my workout. The 4th week starts the incredibly hard next 3 weeks. Even in the video, her back up workout people are stopping to wipe themselves off and taking water breaks. It is bad. But the last 3 weeks have prepared me for it. Ramp It Up was hard before, but now it was easy. So Burn It Up, Ironically the name explains it all.

I think this is so much easier for me because I remember what it felt like to be skinny. I crave it, I want it, I want it so bad. It is like a drug that needs to be satisfied. Nothing will stop me in this quest. The adventure, the journey is too strong to let go.

Last Month I hit my rock bottom, I did something that broke me. Broke my values and Morals with just a single hand gesture. But my friends understood and my husband forgave me. I was gave a clean slate to start my life over again. Have a beautiful marriage, lovely friends, and Perfect(absolutely far from it) life. Its been a month with my due over and I am adoring it. Positive attitudes, lets the past melt. I have acquired a new taste for being the best I can be. I am attracting new friends and starting to like who I am. My clothes are fitting better,and my personality is coming back.

It took "me" to hit rockbottom. It took me 5 years to destroy my hard work to understand myself. I let go and grew stronger. Clear mind and free of the closet monsters. The losing weight has made me let go of so much. Every pound I imagine is a part of the past. I am destroying it all. October 1st is a lot closer than I keep believing.

Julian Casablanca:

I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
All I know is that Santa Claus
Don't care about breaking or applying laws
I wish it was, wish it was,
Wish it was, wish it was, oh

Roller Blades

So my journey continues:

I bought myself some roller blades. Am excited to get out and use them! I pick them up tomorrow! Cannot wait to use them, I haven't rollerbladed since 8th grade! Cannot wait to start.

The compliments I have been getting are amazing! Even the people I have never met are giving me compliments. I adore the attention especially toward my body!

Watching Hall Pass: The beginning is put as the kids and dad looking at a photo album. That's Mommy. Why doesn't mommy where bikini's anymore? Is it because of her fat ass! I got a kick out of this.

One of my best friends mom, had two kids are got huge because of it, after walking tons of miles, and tons of workout videos, you could barley tell that fat person was her. She looks great and skinny. She did this all before my best friend or her brother could remember her being bigger.

So that is another goal! I do not want my kids to ever remember me being bigger. But when they look back at the past pictures be surprised and shocked that their mother use to look like that.I cannot wait for that.

Another way to add for motivation. I love it! Lorilye and Ezeckial you are my motivation to be better.

Every little moment is closer to my goal :)

Goal Rest of the 2011

Thinking a lot about who I am and where I want to be:

I have been thinking about joining the airforce, David hates the idea

Heard of a thing called Tough Mudder, I signed up for one next year! Looks fun and challenging. I am really not the marathon person, would be bored doing it. Am doing a 5K at the end of the month :)

Goals for the rest of 2011:

Lose at least 20 pounds

Drink more water (is that possible?)

Keep taking vitamins everyday(Gummy Vitamins! doesn't make me throw up)

Keep Up my energy, Even though I think it will never leave.

Be the best mother I can possibly be

Be the best wife I can possibly be

Finish remodeling the hallway and Zekes room

Take time for ourselves

Oh and cannot wait for my Thanksgiving and Christmas Parties!!!!

Of course:Finish Slim in 6! 3 1/2 more weeks to go.

I never said I was perfect but I strive to be something more. I will reach for the stars because the sky is too close.

Search and Destroy :30 seconds to Mars

Grab your gun Time to go to hell I'm no hero Guilty as charged
A million little Pieces weve broken into..a Million little Pieces

Never Giving Up! I will Conquer you 108 pounds or 85 left!

I am becoming stronger as a person. It is crazy this journey I do not know why anyone who give up or quit. I have such a high everyday. Every single day...

My pictures make me stronger to continue. 3rd Week Started! Have not took off a single day but the rest day. Conquering this with such a passion. Those pictures will not resemble me in a few more months. That is exciting! It is less than 4 more days til Week 4! October 1st, scale time. For know these pictures will motivate me. Today I ran, biked, worked out, and played Just Dance 1 & 2 for two hours! Whew, didn't feel like anything!

Fun things: Found my Wedding Ring after almost 7 months!! That is a great sign. Something Huge happened last month. Hubby and I are so strong, He is the one for me and I am for him. Our love is pure! We have mistakes on both sides, but It doesn't change how perfect we are for each other. Tattoo Rings in February! The only persons opinion that truly matter to me is my husband, he loves the attitude I am sporting. He cannot keep his eyes or hand for that matter off of me. I should shut up, everybody can brag about there love. Special in each of there own ways!

You can either be miserable your whole life or you can make it something worth wild. Hatred never got anyone anywhere but alone!

Found my Front shots! MMMHMMM to working hard!

June 2011

August 2011

I may not be skinny but Damn am I working on it cannot wait to compare these to pictures in January :)

Hard Work is Paying off!!!

Hard for me to post Pictures of my body! But since everybody starts from somewhere

June:

:

August

i am not done yet!!!

Exercise! Is amazing!

It is amazing to me, how many people get governed by their scale. Ridiculous in fact, a thing can define how we feel. Yes, I was the girl who every morning, went to the bathroom and jumped *maybe not jumped I would have rocked its world* on the scale. If my weight went up..which was rarely, It promoted me to work harder for the day. If the number went down I was beyond excited, even id it was like.4. Still any weight lost is a exciting moment.

But As of August 18th, I gave up my scale. Of course, I am on Week 3 of giving it up. IT IS NOT EASY. The defeat of the scale is pulling me to my knees. I know I cannot cave in and get my scale. Its the curious that is killing me. How have the numbers changed? But in retrospect, I know the best motivation is to see the change. I have already seen I am doing more pushups, things are getting baggy! I know I am changing, its just a scale cannot lie. Well It can if you cheat? But me, I am not cheating.

I am now a leader on sparkpeople and I LOVE IT. I have noticed in my Slim in 6 group. 50% of the people have stopped off and on. That for me is another defeat. I am working on Week 3 when most people get to Ramp It Up they give up. Whether it be too hard or something comes up.

Slim in 6 is NOT easy, but It is not impossible. Building and slimming is something you must get use to. Start It Up is first, I have conquered it. Ramp It Up is second, much harder plus resistance bands 45 min, and finally Burn It Up (60 min). How you do it is, 1 week of Start it up. Since I got mine on a Wed, I did a week and 3 extra days. Figured it would pay off. Then Ramp it Up you do for 2 weeks, I am on week 3, final week of Ramp it Up. Then, Finally Burn It Up is for 3 weeks and nobody in this group is on this one. I have heard it is difficult but I say bring it on! I also have the Slim series which is after this set. So glad the lady had 4 more extra. Both sets run at about $60 each. I got lucky and purchased it for $30. I really like selling sites! Needless to say Ramp It Up went from sweating buckets...maybe the 100 degree weather...to finishing it with little effort.

I am seeing my body go back to Previous me. Its amazing how proud my husband is of me, I have for the last 2 weeks..made sure Exercise was my 2nd Priority. It was always getting done. I have 1 rest day! Sunday or this week it was Saturday. But Still ONE rest day. He is always telling me how beautiful I am and always being so concerned with everything! I LOVE MY HUSBAND! So far it is running and Slim in 6. Exercise and Kids are my life.

Cannot wait for these 6 weeks to be Up! Then on to Turbo Fire! Working my way up to P90X! I will say this is my FIRST workout video that I will be completing with flying colors.