Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saying goodbye is Sweet Sorrow....

Today I am saying goodbye to one of Dearest, Beloved Guy Friend. He has just about all of the affection one guy can have and not be married to me. He is moving quite a bit away. At this point having him hug me and tell me he will be close, Sounds amazing. But as life is ever-changing, I am seeing him move away again and it rips my heart out of my chest. He is someone I love being around, with or even having a random non-conversation with.

We met in 9 years ago and have had an extreme connection. When I was cutting all the time, just to feel pain. Not to kill myself or what not. Nobody really knew I did it. He was the one person that didn't freak out. In his words everybody that knew was, and it wasn't doing any good. He got me to stop, my addiction to the pain and blood. He made me stronger. We walked everyday together, before and after school. Countless Hours of laughter. Also, he got me away from the hell I called my home life. We got along with the same people and he tolerated my friends. We have one of those connections no matter how long we haven't talked or how far we are apart we still love each other. He knows everything about me no strings attached and through the worst times in my life he was there for me. Friends like these are the ones everyone should hold on to. Nobody could ever replace him. We have a complete history on every level and without him I would fail. He helped my marriage more than he can ever comprehend. He helped me and I hate that he's leaving. I want to curl up on my bed and cry.

But since I can't do that. I will accept change and know he is some sort of technology away. David is my every lasting rock and he will help me through this like everything else in life. Speaking of my Life Day 27/90. Almost to that first 30! Its been a tough feat. Alas I think my Pelvis is having a bit of a problem. So I need to make a dr. Appt. to see what I twinge while doing side planks. One of those quick shoots of pain while doing them ...But what the heck I can work my butt off and nothing hurts. Then Side planks leave me with nothing. Seriously. Makes me so upset.

To put things in better light....Today is Saturday and it is 3:34 am should really go to bed. Hate my brain and its destroying capabilities.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Is it just me?

"No one is harder on me than myself, I inspire to be something truly above and beyond. No matter the things holding me back, I will bust down these gates and push though. No excuses, No Boundaries. Just Go for it and let nothing stop you. Only have one life to live, so MAKE it remarkable. If I died today, I would never Regret anything I did ♥ It all had a purpose. "

I live by this everyday. If I can't achieve my goals or be me than why even go on living. I am far from one of those weak woman who depend on their husband for everything emotional. In fact, I can tell my husband anything that comes into my head and well no matter what I say he is not surprised.I am glad to have such support from him and everyone else surrounding me.

Last night I was doing exercise 23 on Supreme 90. It was called Core Dynamics and being part of this. You look at the time 18 min....well damn this is going to be super hard...We start doing it and it was like wow this was easy. I felt my abs and how strong they had become. Feeling almost a washboard effect. Which was amazing. There were planks with putting your hands on your thighs, planks lifting your legs, jumping planks...as you get the point tons of planks. I am loving this workout so much Day 23 is a huge 'feat. Having a workout partner that we both complain how sore we are to each other is great. We have started doing Burpees on a regular basis too. A burpee in my definition is like hell...You squat pull your feet back into a plank and the jump up hands raised. So everyday we add on another one. We are on day two of that so nothing spectacular. On top of this we walk 4 miles every night...or ten like last night. We are sore but mentally capable of overcoming the physical failure. I think I have been sore for at least 24 days in a row :( I should be use to waking up and going damn..

I am really loving myself...I have defeated a lot to get here and sulking isn't part of my life. Plus since my bestie lives with me it is hard to not talk to her about everything. Oh yeah the best news of today we will be moving as early as February 10th! :) I am excite. My husband and I have worked so hard to get where we are and this house is our eternal prize. Finally to live in a house, that we have earned, all hard work! I will miss this trailer in the sense of this is where so much has happen. Married...2 kids...animals...surreal.

My birthday February 3rd is almost here. Next Friday...I am pretty sure I will be drunk. Of course, I like alcohol and it is my extreme weakness. But I do my toast in Vodka :) To another year of a new life and a new start. Full of confidence and hope. Because to be Cliche...I put my mind on something and it is happening. I will not falter..

In Tv news I am missing American Horror story even though the finale was pretty crappy. Next season they will be in a new house with new characters. Being Human is a pretty good too..Vampires, Ghosts, and Werewolves can't beat it. Once upon a Time a world of forgotten fairy tales strung into a real world. Lost Girl..I am really liking the premises of Fae..whether Light or Dark. House M.D. of course..havent missed an episode. Parenthood and Fringe are easily my favorite. Fridge is just like the x files and Parenthood goes on ever aspect of well..parenthood. If it wasn't for Dvr I would never watch Tv with all the time I exercise..

But Have a good week everyone. Reach for the Stars :)

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Life

Welcome to The Snow!

Does this stop me nah...we walked 4 miles in mounds of snow. Exciting was so worth the Pumpkin Spice...
I was as Red as my hair...
At the end I thought the cold knives stabbing us would stop us but we prevailed!

We are also on Day 21/90 of Supreme 90 I am currently well aware of every muscle and tendon that I have. We will beat this but it is not easy! We are not crazy just motivated! But it is so worth it every minute! I do not want to be fat the rest of my life..I already sit pretty on knowing I lost 30 pounds :) Somedays I don't want to do it and then Fawn pushes us. And sometimes she doesn't want to do it and I push her. Its Push and pull thing!

This is me! This is my life! I love working so hard for it...this is me.

I

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Sanity has been Preserved!

Have you ever had that moment where your best friend's pug is snoring so loudly that you want to do things to the dog that Peta would frown upon. Welcome to my life.

I have recently figured out I do not want 4 kids ever. Let me explain. David originally wanted 4 kids. (Like his mom) Insane, right? I was happy with my 2 year old little Girl and 3 year old little Boy. One kid for each parent. They get as much attention as they want because Face it I am not the Duggards. 19 and counting I would probably have to be contained and put in the asylum. True Story. Anywho, my friend who moved in has a 2 year old boy. Seriously, we are going crazy from the word Train. So my life, 2 year old (Fawns kid) who is getting ready to potty train, picks on the kid I babysit, loves train, cries all the time, and oh yeah...we have agreed he needs help some days. 2 year old (Lorilye) who is a Princess she is spoiled more than most children, has a temper of the devil, you mess with her she will yell at you and punch you(poor boys) and likes her dollies. 3 year old (Ezeckial) is getting use to crying Colton usually screaming Shut Up Colton, cleaning up after Colton, Protecting his little sister, selfish at times(mine) and being my cuddle bunny. Then not to mention the one year old I babysit, but hes a baby so he does baby things. You know. So yeah, 4 kids usually most days...always 3. Its still amazing I can still take care of 4 kids, a Cockatiel, parakeets, 2 alaskan Malamute, Schnauzer/Pek./Shit-zu, Pug, clean the house, laundry, and workout! And Have a life...jesus yes I am amazing.

I will be first to tell you...Kids are amazing! But on those horrid day...ugh.....Celebrate Vacant Wombs! I hate people that always talk about how great they kids are...I imagine them having those bad days(they never talk about) and having a break down. Puts a smile on my face...we all know it happens. Its like one day or days they wake up as devil children and we wonder where our angels went. Been there ...try it with 3! Sex in the City says it Best...we love our children we just need to get away to stay sane.

Having a workout Partner is amazing! We are 15 days out of 30 today! I have seen so much improvement and hoping to move to 10lbs soon. It is hard, we are sore, stairs suck! But alas we are surviving and walking, exercise, more walking. Last year I lost 30...this year I want to hit 50 or 60...Just being under 200 will be the best experience of my life. I may never be 119 pounds(Before Pregnancy raped my body) like I was in 2007 but you know what I am alright with that. Hell, I cannot even call myself fat..too many people in my life give me the WTF you are not fat. Plus shopping is my addiction and I love my husband for his hours at work to give me my life. I am working on my appreciation of him everyday <3

Finally also, we got snow. Jack Frost has been in frickin lala land this December. So I had to throw snow at David!

Well off to go to Bed....

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bring it 2012

It is 2012. We are here Zombie Apocalypse, Right? Just being silly.

New Changes in my life.

First Change! We bought a house and we are closing this week! I am above and beyond excited. This is our house that we have bought together and our kids have already been there. They love it. It will be nice to be out of a trailer and not worrying about what the neighbors are dong or hearing them. 5 acres for our Alaskan Malamutes to run as far as they want.

Second Change! My best friend moved in with her son. It is exciting to have a roommate that can workout basically whenever and we get to enjoy soreness together. Ironically I have hooked her up with our best friend David. So the word David is scattered around our house. But its nice to have friends so close. We are so much alike and playing Just Dances all the time. We also know have a pug(her do) gosh Pugs are so ugly.

Third Change: I am destroying the things that prevent me from change. I am so lucky to have what I have. Sometimes I forget that and I shouldn't. There are times I get mad at my husband when I should not. I love him so much and he is my everything. With out him I would be lost. I am going to show him everyday that I appreciate him. He already comes home to a clean house and everything pretty much done. But I love the fact he tries to keep me so happy and when I am happy he is happy. We are perfect for each other. My kids are amazing and even on their bad days. They are my angels. This year I am becoming a vegetarian. My friend is going to do this with me. Just to say I did it for at least a year. I am losing the rest of my weight this year. Dedicated and with 5 acres and a 3/4 acre pond I have no excuse.

I am learning to appreciate my family, friends and distance Family more and more. I kinda distance myself when it comes to my immediate family. I love them but I feel like we are on two different wave lengths. I want to make them a priority but when something happens I kinda just shrug off calling. This year that is changing I am going to push the issue so much better. I really am close to my parents and Grandparents it is just hard when they live an hour away, work, and travel so much. But that is changing for Ezeckial and Lorilye to know there family as well as I do.

Welcome 2012 I say Bring it. :)