Thursday, April 26, 2012
Update...Thursday
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Goal Achieved.
So about the below post...I'm not quite sure...where I was in my mindset. But Today is Thursday . Today was Tabata. Which just to push myself a little further 10 pound weights and i achieved Walking Planks. Yeah, I am that awesome. Closer to fitting in my GIR hoodie which means then Tattoo time.
Time to start drawing I havent decided if Gir mushing his face full of Cupcakes under it no excuses or Gir all bloody.
Decisions, Decisions.
Time to start drawing I havent decided if Gir mushing his face full of Cupcakes under it no excuses or Gir all bloody.
Decisions, Decisions.
Just a little observation ..Ramblings
Sometimes life is crazy. Sometimes you realize country sucks so bad, it can give you brain damage. Sometimes Rap is just a bunch of insane words put together and at the end you are like what the hell was that. Shakespeare your still trying to understand.
We have found the monsters that we always thought hide under the bed, are really in our head. The nightmares pull us into a world of reality. The frighting things are really human beings.The world is getting worst but better at the same time. Human beings are becoming impatient and resorting to more and more violent. What are we letting our children grow up in. To the point where Collar Bones and Hip bones have to be sticking out to be beautiful. Men getting woman pregnant and then walking away becoming a Child Support Parent, if that at all. Single mothers are the new standard. Marriage is almost non-existent. Giving up is the favorite word for Marriage. Divorce. We forgot what it is too live life instead of just to earn money. Friendship is becoming something that should be valued because their are a lot of backstabbers. Abbreviations such as lol and lmfao are being used while speaking...College is becoming way too much to handle. Autism and Asberger's are becoming more and more common. ADHD and ADD are becoming more of a reason to dose our kids full of medicine. This coming from an AdHd person and my son has it. No medicine. Parents are losing control of their kids. Spanking is now a form of abuse. But for some reason the previous generation were better than the swag, wiggers, lack of respect for their elders generation of now.
Just a little observation
We have found the monsters that we always thought hide under the bed, are really in our head. The nightmares pull us into a world of reality. The frighting things are really human beings.The world is getting worst but better at the same time. Human beings are becoming impatient and resorting to more and more violent. What are we letting our children grow up in. To the point where Collar Bones and Hip bones have to be sticking out to be beautiful. Men getting woman pregnant and then walking away becoming a Child Support Parent, if that at all. Single mothers are the new standard. Marriage is almost non-existent. Giving up is the favorite word for Marriage. Divorce. We forgot what it is too live life instead of just to earn money. Friendship is becoming something that should be valued because their are a lot of backstabbers. Abbreviations such as lol and lmfao are being used while speaking...College is becoming way too much to handle. Autism and Asberger's are becoming more and more common. ADHD and ADD are becoming more of a reason to dose our kids full of medicine. This coming from an AdHd person and my son has it. No medicine. Parents are losing control of their kids. Spanking is now a form of abuse. But for some reason the previous generation were better than the swag, wiggers, lack of respect for their elders generation of now.
Just a little observation
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sick again.
I feel it inside my body. The attack of a sore throat. Dry and full of film. The constant clearing of my throat. Today is my rest day Day 10 of Supreme 90. Which tomorrow is followed up by Tabata Inferno (jumping) Which is hard enough not sick! I have been dosing up with the master of medicine DayQuil. I decided to dedicate myself...no immerse myself in finishing this workout all 90 days with no stopping. Just in time to go to cedar point with some friends. So in reality I may not quit even if I am puking :) Which I have done before puking and working out not fun, not good for the body, but it made me feel better.
So I really had a moment yesterday. Sometimes I think I don't really appreciate being a Stay at home mom (SAHM). Yesterday the 2 year old I babysit at about 9:30 pm started crying for his mom. I mean crying and throwing a fit. I put his coat on like he wanted. Put his Shoes on and held him. He kept going to the door thinking if I open the door she will be there. He cried in my arms. Putting his arms around my neck and cuddling with me. It took him 30 minutes to fall asleep. i was tearing up at the situation. Its hard being a working mom and having to drop your kids off with a babysitter. This girl works 2 jobs and 2 different Babysitters. Rough.
Goals: Day number 10 of Supreme 90. 8 hour lawn to mow. Potty train Lori. Zeke teach to write better (Hes left handed like his grandma)Biking 10 miles a day on average. Getting gardens finished. Roses watched. Baby birds whenever they hatch taking pictures. Black and red hair keep for at least a month!
So I really had a moment yesterday. Sometimes I think I don't really appreciate being a Stay at home mom (SAHM). Yesterday the 2 year old I babysit at about 9:30 pm started crying for his mom. I mean crying and throwing a fit. I put his coat on like he wanted. Put his Shoes on and held him. He kept going to the door thinking if I open the door she will be there. He cried in my arms. Putting his arms around my neck and cuddling with me. It took him 30 minutes to fall asleep. i was tearing up at the situation. Its hard being a working mom and having to drop your kids off with a babysitter. This girl works 2 jobs and 2 different Babysitters. Rough.
Goals: Day number 10 of Supreme 90. 8 hour lawn to mow. Potty train Lori. Zeke teach to write better (Hes left handed like his grandma)Biking 10 miles a day on average. Getting gardens finished. Roses watched. Baby birds whenever they hatch taking pictures. Black and red hair keep for at least a month!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Pure Boredom Questions.
Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
Nope! :]
Ever had a near death experience?
Live on the edge ..nope...but I had a near life one once though..
Where’s your cell phone?
Lying on the table
What is the last thing you thought about?
Dinner need to make some pizza
Do you regret anything?
I don't regret anything, all the "regrets" form the story about myself.
If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
My best friend and be like hope its a girl
What are you going to do this weekend?
Probably work outside some more and babysit
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
On Saturday
Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
Neither...its a waste of time and effort.
Who would you like your next “fling” to be with?
you :)
Would you curse in front of your parents?
All the time. They get use to my mouth
Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
Both are fun! But I like in town cuz I have a pool
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
Yeah ..but we always find ourselves again
When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
Yesterday walking around the property of my house
Who can you tell everything to?
Amber, Lindsay, David...my secret keepers
Can you play guitar hero?
Of course..I have it for Wii know
Is any part of your body sore?
My lats, chest, abs, and about everything.
Are you missing someone right now?
My best guy friend
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
..........
When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed?
Hes right in front of me.
Do you like your phone?
Out of 16 phones this is my favorite Htc Rhyme Loveee it. Even has a charm that lights up and a base that is a speaker.
Last alcohol beverage?
Smirnoff Ice
Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
I sure hope so
Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
Not any of my best friends
If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
Lindsay or Amber
What’s the seventh text message in your inbox say?
I want to take you out to a movie. Fully paided for.
When is your next road trip?
Summer for my nephews birthday
What did you do last weekend?
Family Reunion
Met anyone new in the past week?
I always meet new people
What does your bestfriends call you?
Steph, Honey, Luves
Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
Zekey
Are you currently fighting with someone?
not that I care about
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Everyday my kids learn something new
Who/What would you like to see right now?
my friends.
Are you mad at someone right now?
Nope
What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
Ha wouldnt know
Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
Dont have a home phone
Is there an empty place in your heart?
Nope its ever growing
Do you count down the days till anything?
nope. cause I'm not retarted =]
Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
Tonight!
Have you ever been called a tease?
lol all the time..actually...
What are your chances of getting with your crush?
Haha not good!
What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
Oklahoma or maybe cape cod
Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
Most of my best friends
Anyone told you a secret this week?
Nope Im crushed lol
Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
nope
Do you hate anyone?
I dont hate anyone just tend to dislike them and they arent in my life
Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
Like senior year
What do you want in your life right now?
Ha!
When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
I laugh so hard I cry all the time, lol
Did you tell someone something today?
uhh...yeah. I communicated with people on a daily basis
Do you trust people easily?
nope, Im aquarius
What were you doing at 9pm Friday night?
Babysitting :)
Nope! :]
Ever had a near death experience?
Live on the edge ..nope...but I had a near life one once though..
Where’s your cell phone?
Lying on the table
What is the last thing you thought about?
Dinner need to make some pizza
Do you regret anything?
I don't regret anything, all the "regrets" form the story about myself.
If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
My best friend and be like hope its a girl
What are you going to do this weekend?
Probably work outside some more and babysit
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
On Saturday
Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
Neither...its a waste of time and effort.
Who would you like your next “fling” to be with?
you :)
Would you curse in front of your parents?
All the time. They get use to my mouth
Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
Both are fun! But I like in town cuz I have a pool
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
Yeah ..but we always find ourselves again
When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
Yesterday walking around the property of my house
Who can you tell everything to?
Amber, Lindsay, David...my secret keepers
Can you play guitar hero?
Of course..I have it for Wii know
Is any part of your body sore?
My lats, chest, abs, and about everything.
Are you missing someone right now?
My best guy friend
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
..........
When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed?
Hes right in front of me.
Do you like your phone?
Out of 16 phones this is my favorite Htc Rhyme Loveee it. Even has a charm that lights up and a base that is a speaker.
Last alcohol beverage?
Smirnoff Ice
Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
I sure hope so
Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
Not any of my best friends
If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
Lindsay or Amber
What’s the seventh text message in your inbox say?
I want to take you out to a movie. Fully paided for.
When is your next road trip?
Summer for my nephews birthday
What did you do last weekend?
Family Reunion
Met anyone new in the past week?
I always meet new people
What does your bestfriends call you?
Steph, Honey, Luves
Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
Zekey
Are you currently fighting with someone?
not that I care about
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Everyday my kids learn something new
Who/What would you like to see right now?
my friends.
Are you mad at someone right now?
Nope
What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
Ha wouldnt know
Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
Dont have a home phone
Is there an empty place in your heart?
Nope its ever growing
Do you count down the days till anything?
nope. cause I'm not retarted =]
Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
Tonight!
Have you ever been called a tease?
lol all the time..actually...
What are your chances of getting with your crush?
Haha not good!
What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
Oklahoma or maybe cape cod
Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
Most of my best friends
Anyone told you a secret this week?
Nope Im crushed lol
Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
nope
Do you hate anyone?
I dont hate anyone just tend to dislike them and they arent in my life
Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
Like senior year
What do you want in your life right now?
Ha!
When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
I laugh so hard I cry all the time, lol
Did you tell someone something today?
uhh...yeah. I communicated with people on a daily basis
Do you trust people easily?
nope, Im aquarius
What were you doing at 9pm Friday night?
Babysitting :)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Is it really Saturday ?
It has been insane since Thursday...here are my learning curves.
So I have learned to exercise around my babysitting schedules. Since my husband works from like 7am til 5 or later it is all me. Exercing at night just doesn't get the same amount of effort as morning does. I mean one night I exercise Tabata Inferno (Tons of jumping) at 12:44 ending at 1:30. Yeah I was kicking its butt, but I was whooped.
Learned also how do people have 5 kids? It is ridiculous the amount of personalities and different characters they are. I had my nephew (4), 2 kids I am babysitting (17 month old and 2 year old), and then my kiddos (3 and 2). I cannot imagine it at all. Yes for 8 hours I can do it but 18 years...that is crazy. 2 kids are awesome because since there is two of us. One for each kid...nobody gets excluded. Boy and Girl for us perfect. I love all of them but I am glad they are just visiting.
I am sore but going by the words No Excuses. I am finishing Supreme 90 not missing a day. No matter how sore, No matter how late. I finishes Slim in 6 without a hitch. I can finish this with a little motivation.
I went to the twitter world. Wish me luck.
I learned the word Why? is a horrid word. I cannot even describe how much I hate it. 4 year old shouldn't learn the word why.
Friday 13th came and went. Love the date.
Still thinking of things to do to my daughters room. In between a lot of different ideas. She is a tinkerbell fan. Purple and pink are most likely going to be her colors. I am also redoing her table so she can have a tea cup table. I love her :)Two year olds are so dramatic
I have really learned that I love small dogs but couldnt live without my malamutes.
Pruning trees has been a learning experience but I do love mowing my yard for 8 hours. Gives me that alone time. Me and music.
So I have learned to exercise around my babysitting schedules. Since my husband works from like 7am til 5 or later it is all me. Exercing at night just doesn't get the same amount of effort as morning does. I mean one night I exercise Tabata Inferno (Tons of jumping) at 12:44 ending at 1:30. Yeah I was kicking its butt, but I was whooped.
Learned also how do people have 5 kids? It is ridiculous the amount of personalities and different characters they are. I had my nephew (4), 2 kids I am babysitting (17 month old and 2 year old), and then my kiddos (3 and 2). I cannot imagine it at all. Yes for 8 hours I can do it but 18 years...that is crazy. 2 kids are awesome because since there is two of us. One for each kid...nobody gets excluded. Boy and Girl for us perfect. I love all of them but I am glad they are just visiting.
I am sore but going by the words No Excuses. I am finishing Supreme 90 not missing a day. No matter how sore, No matter how late. I finishes Slim in 6 without a hitch. I can finish this with a little motivation.
I went to the twitter world. Wish me luck.
I learned the word Why? is a horrid word. I cannot even describe how much I hate it. 4 year old shouldn't learn the word why.
Friday 13th came and went. Love the date.
Still thinking of things to do to my daughters room. In between a lot of different ideas. She is a tinkerbell fan. Purple and pink are most likely going to be her colors. I am also redoing her table so she can have a tea cup table. I love her :)Two year olds are so dramatic
I have really learned that I love small dogs but couldnt live without my malamutes.
Pruning trees has been a learning experience but I do love mowing my yard for 8 hours. Gives me that alone time. Me and music.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Rest Day..?
Today is one of those days that I wish I can craw back into bed and go to sleep.
Not that anything is wrong with the day. It is beautiful day outside. The house is spotless. So what is up.
I am sore sore sore. Today Is Rest Day Number one! I instead decided. Let me throw in some running, walking, 30 jumping Jacks, 30 push ups and 30 sit ups. I feel like my boobs are going to fall off. When you have bigger chest and I have since I was 17. DD. Know I have Triple D's/E and jumping around, any kind of exercise will murder that muscle. Even with a sports bra, regular bra, and a supporting tank top. Plus every time I do a close exercise they are in my face. Today they feel on fire. Plus doing a whole workout on a Workout Ball really kills your abs. I can bitch/complain...but luckily I will still get up the next day and do it. I feel great after I do it. You feel great in bed...until you start moving. Then your like yup still alive.
Tomorrow is Tabata Inferno. This is the jumping/killing activity :) Cannot wait to finish that tomorrow :) You cannot come soon enough.
Not that anything is wrong with the day. It is beautiful day outside. The house is spotless. So what is up.
I am sore sore sore. Today Is Rest Day Number one! I instead decided. Let me throw in some running, walking, 30 jumping Jacks, 30 push ups and 30 sit ups. I feel like my boobs are going to fall off. When you have bigger chest and I have since I was 17. DD. Know I have Triple D's/E and jumping around, any kind of exercise will murder that muscle. Even with a sports bra, regular bra, and a supporting tank top. Plus every time I do a close exercise they are in my face. Today they feel on fire. Plus doing a whole workout on a Workout Ball really kills your abs. I can bitch/complain...but luckily I will still get up the next day and do it. I feel great after I do it. You feel great in bed...until you start moving. Then your like yup still alive.
Tomorrow is Tabata Inferno. This is the jumping/killing activity :) Cannot wait to finish that tomorrow :) You cannot come soon enough.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Ooh Yeah it was easter...
We went to my parents for Blue berry Pancakes and Sausage...Yum! Then to my Grandparents for Coloring eggs :) Then came home by 2 to babysit..the only job you get thanked for multiple times a day for. Also got my lip rings :) I really am digging the spirals.
Diets ...thumbs down....Exercise...Yes
Woke up today and exercised my bum-bum off. Supreme 90! I will finish you I stopped at 30 days last time...due to the move and such. I have been doing 10 minute trainer...but honestly I would rather do Supreme 90 for 30 minutes, then have to keep changing Dvds..for up to 30 min. I am determine to get it done. What will be my reward...Cedar Point. I did Slim in 6 a while a go and even got it done while sick! SO what this makes and targets all kinds of muscles that burn. It reminds me everyday that I am alive. It also reminds me how big my boobs are. Mostly chest pains that remind me of that.
I am one of those people that do not believe diets work. As soon as you go back to what you eat. Bam you gain the weight. I changed my lifestyle a year ago to eating as healthy as I could. I literally never ate healthy, and had never gained weight. Pregnancy does wonders that is for sure. It changes your body forever. I expected that. I earned my stripes. Healthy I eat so much Fruit its almost horrid. But not Bananas or oranges due to Sugar levels and Citric Acid is horrid for your teeth. I had 18 cavities last year. Due to not being at the dentist since I was 7! All Porcelined capped and very well taken care of. They blamed my pregnancies for draining my calcium down in the teeth as well. Sweet. Thank you to Pregnancy it only adds to the reasons I do not want another lovely bunch of joy. I don't drink pop, do fast food, candy...and pizza on occasion. It does bad things to the body if you go back to high fat levels. Bad Bad things!
Back off my rant onto Supreme 90. Supreme 90 is one of those exercises that promotes muscle failure. If you aren't going shit I can barely finish this set. You need heavier weights. I am on 8 pounds..just about to switch to 10! Being a woman doesn't mean you can't go to a higher weight number. I say that because a lot of woman are afraid to go higher because of gaining unsightly muscle mass. We are not men :) I actually personally know someone who lifts 20s and she looks awesome. It is an exercise that test all of your muscles and then you move onto another part. After Tabata you feel like a truck hit you and then you exercise with that encouragement.
To the Rant Diet...will not help you firm up skin. Often times Diets you are still weak and you also have the effects of untoned body...Exercise helps sculpt the body and gets it to where you can actually see some slender muscles. It has also been proven that exercise keeps the results longer compared to just a diet. They work together. Diet..is a sad sad word. Lifestyle change is much better. You can always eat something in moderation. It also means this Fall starting school to be a personal trainer. Yay!
It may not always be easy, in fact it is the most difficult thing you will ever do...but just live by my motto...NO EXCUSES.
I am one of those people that do not believe diets work. As soon as you go back to what you eat. Bam you gain the weight. I changed my lifestyle a year ago to eating as healthy as I could. I literally never ate healthy, and had never gained weight. Pregnancy does wonders that is for sure. It changes your body forever. I expected that. I earned my stripes. Healthy I eat so much Fruit its almost horrid. But not Bananas or oranges due to Sugar levels and Citric Acid is horrid for your teeth. I had 18 cavities last year. Due to not being at the dentist since I was 7! All Porcelined capped and very well taken care of. They blamed my pregnancies for draining my calcium down in the teeth as well. Sweet. Thank you to Pregnancy it only adds to the reasons I do not want another lovely bunch of joy. I don't drink pop, do fast food, candy...and pizza on occasion. It does bad things to the body if you go back to high fat levels. Bad Bad things!
Back off my rant onto Supreme 90. Supreme 90 is one of those exercises that promotes muscle failure. If you aren't going shit I can barely finish this set. You need heavier weights. I am on 8 pounds..just about to switch to 10! Being a woman doesn't mean you can't go to a higher weight number. I say that because a lot of woman are afraid to go higher because of gaining unsightly muscle mass. We are not men :) I actually personally know someone who lifts 20s and she looks awesome. It is an exercise that test all of your muscles and then you move onto another part. After Tabata you feel like a truck hit you and then you exercise with that encouragement.
To the Rant Diet...will not help you firm up skin. Often times Diets you are still weak and you also have the effects of untoned body...Exercise helps sculpt the body and gets it to where you can actually see some slender muscles. It has also been proven that exercise keeps the results longer compared to just a diet. They work together. Diet..is a sad sad word. Lifestyle change is much better. You can always eat something in moderation. It also means this Fall starting school to be a personal trainer. Yay!
It may not always be easy, in fact it is the most difficult thing you will ever do...but just live by my motto...NO EXCUSES.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Its just one of those Vents...
Thinking is always one of those bad things. At least for me. Let me tell you the story of my little melodrama. It may get a bit blunt. Ironically the girl shares my middle name as her first. For God sakes.
In 6th grade I went to this one school for one year. Honestly, I can tell you after going to a certain school from preschool til 5th grade. I was one pissed off 6th grader. I was a pain on the bus, Flashing people, finding guys attention (never had sex), went to counselling, Broke a girls nose and gave her two black eyes. Yeah I was a tad bit anger. I did however love art and got many of my pastels into competitions and won ribbons. Btw Side note I hate pastels, I am so good at it, yet it seems to get everywhere, like Charcoal. I didn't have a lot of friends because I didn't want them. I knew we would be moving so I isolated myself. I have people I talked to. One week I couldn't go to Camp Palmer due to being so sick. So this Girl and I became friends Mostly because we shared the same name. Fawn is actually quite rare. Anywho, when I moved I didn't have any relationship with her.
So comes to this summer. This summer was insane crazy in love summer. To be hones, In all regards was completely in love with my husband but in love with my best friend. Side Story: He has been there 9 years for everything, hes the one that got me to stop cutting, he was there through every fight, he helped me through every emotion, We got really close my Junior year and then I broke his heart. Needless to say My husband has always been Jealous of this man. So as you can tell some bad ideas. I ended up this summer walking/running 6 miles a day and meeting up with my friend. Which David knew about. The story gets worst. I ended up kissing him a lot. When you are so incredibly close to someone it is bound to happen. Kissing him was like one of those exhilarating things.
Ended up pushing my husband and I away from each other. I was destroying the guy that I loved the most. With David I think there was a lot of frustration. I was feeling pretty shitty about my body. The whole two kids does mass murder to my body. He hadn't said anything about the change but I was beautiful. I just saw different. I saw why would he want to be with someone who is bigger. I don't even like this person. I see myself in a different style and cannot do that due to my weight. My friend has always made me feel my body was beautiful no matter what size I wanted or pretty. I wasn't feeling very appreciated. Even though the man did everything for me. The one phrase that always stuck with me with my friend Was me saying I am fat. Him going "We all change, you are still beautiful" 9 years of untamed love for me...sigh
*When you cheat you create a reality one where everything is perfect. It isn't really reality. You have variables but not the real ones. You never fight because well it is perfect. So not having responsibilities or kids seemed pretty nice but really not reality*
So with that knowledge I would always tell him to Find a girlfriend. He told me about Fawn a girl he knew from a friend he was talking to her. Everytime we would be together I would tell him "Get a Girlfriend and I won't get into trouble" He would always tell me that "Girls are trouble". See the trouble was right there. Anywho, I connected with Fawn on Facebook. She told me she had a son and he basically lived in a hoarder room in a doorway. I took Pity and she moved in with us.
Btw the whole friend thing, ended up with her confronting him and him treating her like shit. Me I went off on him how he attacked her and he was sweet as pie. Yeah, 9 years does that. I ultimately felt so bad. I told my husband anything. He left went with his friend Thatcher. He came back that night. We talked more than we have ever talked. He forgave me....I mean seriously, never has brung it up, never says a damn word. He understood and forgave me because he loved me. I understood a lot of his mistakes through my own. I was really beating myself up for what I had done. He said it was punishment enough at what/ and how I was treating myself. I don't even recommend cheating.I feel a lot of guilt but Had to move on. Broke my friends heart yet again. Yay, me...not. I only cared about the one person who had to give me a second chance. I even looked at him said this is what I did, If you want to leave me I am okay with that. Needless to say, it works out and being happier than ever. Mistakes as bad as they are seem to actually turn out good sometimes. Not saying everyone should cheat...I have been with this man 7 years and it turned out good. Fixed a couple cracks we had...Okay back to Fawn moving in with us.
So she moved in with her son...Basically with nothing. She started dating our friends Thatcher. But she is way too emotionally detached..Needs attention and gets jealous a lot. She even got jealous of me because he had helped me up the stair when I was wasted. Thats because we have been friends for so long! It wasn't because he secretly loved me, he was looking out for a drunk like he does everytime we are together.So there were more issues but they broke up. Then the whole Friend thing she just couldn't get over it. It was my fault she was rejected but obviously he wasn't right for her. Let me tell you she brung it up all the time...Fml. Its like yea ...I made a mistake know since your not my husband stfu.
She was a horrid mom! On her phone literally all day like it was going to run away. She would ignore her son or won't discipline him. The would want to do more for men than her own son. No..that isn't right. She was a great workout partner and she would stay up as late as I. Did her one chore of dishes. Help out more than needed. With that being said we were helping a friend and she watched our kids for 3 days. They were angels for her! She just said she wanted to kill her son. Nice. Not only that when she got cut off from her phone she was completely shut down. Started calling her son a Prick and being a lump on a log. To the point I finally had to talk about it with her. This story is about to get real bad.
Anywho,we were about to move in with his parents for a week. Gave up our trailer and waiting for the loan to close on the house. I hated it there. When I moved in when I was 18 I got treated like shit due to I was a girl. We got in a lot of fights. When I was pregnant, he ignored us for 8 months and didn't even pay attention to his grandson. Which my sister in law went off on him because of their son. Also, even attacking everything about me. Needless to say His dad and I have never got along. So much I can't even write about that situation. To even the point when Zeke had a Amocicillian Rash, he wouldnt give me a ride due to the fact I was a woman. Lol don't think so highly of yourself.
I told Fawn all of this, thinking my friend you know why not. Jim even showed his true colors ripping the cable box out of the wall while we were all watching tv. She even complained about the goat smell (goat farm) how gross it was. When we moved there she became a shitter person. Her dishes skills were failing to the point I asked her to put them away and she told me it wasn't part of dishes. Have you ever walked away from someone that you knew you were going to punch...Oh yeah. She wouldn't yell at her kid and go back on her phone. To the point where we had got a kitchen for lorilye and new parts to it. The kid was chewing on it 2 inches from her on the phone. Can I make this crap up? My dog chewed up the carpet and she found it funny. My daughter walked down the stairs with bubble wrap and her son pushed my daughter down. Then Fawn tore it in half because her son was playing with it earlier. Wow. Wow. When she babysit all the kids during the move...her son (potty trained), my friends (4 year old (potty trained) & 2 year old, and my kids. So only had 2 diapered kids and both of them had gone through ....seriously.
That night she went to my Father in Law and Adam talking about how we always bring up how she needed a job and we were forcing her to do things because she didnt have a job. *Lies actually I always said you'll get one when you get one. The one time I did she freaked out on me and I apologized because I was joking! We were paying for everything her son and her used(and her dog). The only job she actually had was to do dishes! Which all of my friends have Renamed her Backstabbing Bitch. They all saw how I treated her. Nowhere near that and even the Guy that lived with us like that is a bunch of bs. Then also told them how she wasnt allowed to go to their church...I looked straight at my mother in law and went ...NO NO if you are going to tell the TRUTH tell it right...I said I didn't feel comfortable at your church because you picked a subject that attacked David and I. She also complained how the kids didn't get along. David looked at her and Said because YOU don't know how to discipline your son and always on the phone. Shes like well its because He is a single child. Well he hadn't been for 2 months! He did just fine til we moved and she wasn't punishing him. He picked on my friends kids, my kids, and the kid I babysat. God I hate people like this. You try to help and they are shit utterly shit.
I got told by so many people not to let her move. I just saw I am being nice. Idiot. So know she lives with my Mother in law. Which as my friend Eric says "You are a mucher when you can say I live with my ex-friends Husbands parents" They can't even afford her. Her friends keep her phone on, no ged, no licence, and no car. What a life. She constantly makes me out to be a bad person...which I am about to the point to pack her up and move her ass back to her parents. My father in law apparently can also drive her places but not his own grandchild. Its probably because I was going to have sex with him...Yea right disgusting. Shes a woman yet he has no issue...maybe her ugly face...who knows. Oh, and my kids arent allowed to see their grandparents due to this situation. Because if she yells at my kid or her son picks on my daughter I will snap! It is that bad. I have made it so I can't even go over there because seeing her face may make me break it.
Why lie to people you don't even know does it make you sleep better at night.I already dealt with someone lying about me before and I am sure having somebody else play this game just pisses me off. If people really want me to be mean I can be. Its only the people that are jealous of you that create these lies. If not they wouldn't say a word. Plus the people you dislike the most, you just don't have to make this stuff up. It gently falls into your lap.Actually the people I dislike the most...have the most failing mistakes :)
I can actually say I am really glad I have great friends that always supported me in whatever decisions I have made..We are only human...We learn from our mistakes and go toward the future.
Time heals all wounds, live long enough you may believe such cliches are true, its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can accomplish the cuts it can close the imperfections it can smooth over, but in the end it comes down to the size if the wound, doesnt it, if the would is deep enough there might be no way to keep it from festering even if you have all the time in the world.
In 6th grade I went to this one school for one year. Honestly, I can tell you after going to a certain school from preschool til 5th grade. I was one pissed off 6th grader. I was a pain on the bus, Flashing people, finding guys attention (never had sex), went to counselling, Broke a girls nose and gave her two black eyes. Yeah I was a tad bit anger. I did however love art and got many of my pastels into competitions and won ribbons. Btw Side note I hate pastels, I am so good at it, yet it seems to get everywhere, like Charcoal. I didn't have a lot of friends because I didn't want them. I knew we would be moving so I isolated myself. I have people I talked to. One week I couldn't go to Camp Palmer due to being so sick. So this Girl and I became friends Mostly because we shared the same name. Fawn is actually quite rare. Anywho, when I moved I didn't have any relationship with her.
So comes to this summer. This summer was insane crazy in love summer. To be hones, In all regards was completely in love with my husband but in love with my best friend. Side Story: He has been there 9 years for everything, hes the one that got me to stop cutting, he was there through every fight, he helped me through every emotion, We got really close my Junior year and then I broke his heart. Needless to say My husband has always been Jealous of this man. So as you can tell some bad ideas. I ended up this summer walking/running 6 miles a day and meeting up with my friend. Which David knew about. The story gets worst. I ended up kissing him a lot. When you are so incredibly close to someone it is bound to happen. Kissing him was like one of those exhilarating things.
Ended up pushing my husband and I away from each other. I was destroying the guy that I loved the most. With David I think there was a lot of frustration. I was feeling pretty shitty about my body. The whole two kids does mass murder to my body. He hadn't said anything about the change but I was beautiful. I just saw different. I saw why would he want to be with someone who is bigger. I don't even like this person. I see myself in a different style and cannot do that due to my weight. My friend has always made me feel my body was beautiful no matter what size I wanted or pretty. I wasn't feeling very appreciated. Even though the man did everything for me. The one phrase that always stuck with me with my friend Was me saying I am fat. Him going "We all change, you are still beautiful" 9 years of untamed love for me...sigh
*When you cheat you create a reality one where everything is perfect. It isn't really reality. You have variables but not the real ones. You never fight because well it is perfect. So not having responsibilities or kids seemed pretty nice but really not reality*
So with that knowledge I would always tell him to Find a girlfriend. He told me about Fawn a girl he knew from a friend he was talking to her. Everytime we would be together I would tell him "Get a Girlfriend and I won't get into trouble" He would always tell me that "Girls are trouble". See the trouble was right there. Anywho, I connected with Fawn on Facebook. She told me she had a son and he basically lived in a hoarder room in a doorway. I took Pity and she moved in with us.
Btw the whole friend thing, ended up with her confronting him and him treating her like shit. Me I went off on him how he attacked her and he was sweet as pie. Yeah, 9 years does that. I ultimately felt so bad. I told my husband anything. He left went with his friend Thatcher. He came back that night. We talked more than we have ever talked. He forgave me....I mean seriously, never has brung it up, never says a damn word. He understood and forgave me because he loved me. I understood a lot of his mistakes through my own. I was really beating myself up for what I had done. He said it was punishment enough at what/ and how I was treating myself. I don't even recommend cheating.I feel a lot of guilt but Had to move on. Broke my friends heart yet again. Yay, me...not. I only cared about the one person who had to give me a second chance. I even looked at him said this is what I did, If you want to leave me I am okay with that. Needless to say, it works out and being happier than ever. Mistakes as bad as they are seem to actually turn out good sometimes. Not saying everyone should cheat...I have been with this man 7 years and it turned out good. Fixed a couple cracks we had...Okay back to Fawn moving in with us.
So she moved in with her son...Basically with nothing. She started dating our friends Thatcher. But she is way too emotionally detached..Needs attention and gets jealous a lot. She even got jealous of me because he had helped me up the stair when I was wasted. Thats because we have been friends for so long! It wasn't because he secretly loved me, he was looking out for a drunk like he does everytime we are together.So there were more issues but they broke up. Then the whole Friend thing she just couldn't get over it. It was my fault she was rejected but obviously he wasn't right for her. Let me tell you she brung it up all the time...Fml. Its like yea ...I made a mistake know since your not my husband stfu.
She was a horrid mom! On her phone literally all day like it was going to run away. She would ignore her son or won't discipline him. The would want to do more for men than her own son. No..that isn't right. She was a great workout partner and she would stay up as late as I. Did her one chore of dishes. Help out more than needed. With that being said we were helping a friend and she watched our kids for 3 days. They were angels for her! She just said she wanted to kill her son. Nice. Not only that when she got cut off from her phone she was completely shut down. Started calling her son a Prick and being a lump on a log. To the point I finally had to talk about it with her. This story is about to get real bad.
Anywho,we were about to move in with his parents for a week. Gave up our trailer and waiting for the loan to close on the house. I hated it there. When I moved in when I was 18 I got treated like shit due to I was a girl. We got in a lot of fights. When I was pregnant, he ignored us for 8 months and didn't even pay attention to his grandson. Which my sister in law went off on him because of their son. Also, even attacking everything about me. Needless to say His dad and I have never got along. So much I can't even write about that situation. To even the point when Zeke had a Amocicillian Rash, he wouldnt give me a ride due to the fact I was a woman. Lol don't think so highly of yourself.
I told Fawn all of this, thinking my friend you know why not. Jim even showed his true colors ripping the cable box out of the wall while we were all watching tv. She even complained about the goat smell (goat farm) how gross it was. When we moved there she became a shitter person. Her dishes skills were failing to the point I asked her to put them away and she told me it wasn't part of dishes. Have you ever walked away from someone that you knew you were going to punch...Oh yeah. She wouldn't yell at her kid and go back on her phone. To the point where we had got a kitchen for lorilye and new parts to it. The kid was chewing on it 2 inches from her on the phone. Can I make this crap up? My dog chewed up the carpet and she found it funny. My daughter walked down the stairs with bubble wrap and her son pushed my daughter down. Then Fawn tore it in half because her son was playing with it earlier. Wow. Wow. When she babysit all the kids during the move...her son (potty trained), my friends (4 year old (potty trained) & 2 year old, and my kids. So only had 2 diapered kids and both of them had gone through ....seriously.
That night she went to my Father in Law and Adam talking about how we always bring up how she needed a job and we were forcing her to do things because she didnt have a job. *Lies actually I always said you'll get one when you get one. The one time I did she freaked out on me and I apologized because I was joking! We were paying for everything her son and her used(and her dog). The only job she actually had was to do dishes! Which all of my friends have Renamed her Backstabbing Bitch. They all saw how I treated her. Nowhere near that and even the Guy that lived with us like that is a bunch of bs. Then also told them how she wasnt allowed to go to their church...I looked straight at my mother in law and went ...NO NO if you are going to tell the TRUTH tell it right...I said I didn't feel comfortable at your church because you picked a subject that attacked David and I. She also complained how the kids didn't get along. David looked at her and Said because YOU don't know how to discipline your son and always on the phone. Shes like well its because He is a single child. Well he hadn't been for 2 months! He did just fine til we moved and she wasn't punishing him. He picked on my friends kids, my kids, and the kid I babysat. God I hate people like this. You try to help and they are shit utterly shit.
I got told by so many people not to let her move. I just saw I am being nice. Idiot. So know she lives with my Mother in law. Which as my friend Eric says "You are a mucher when you can say I live with my ex-friends Husbands parents" They can't even afford her. Her friends keep her phone on, no ged, no licence, and no car. What a life. She constantly makes me out to be a bad person...which I am about to the point to pack her up and move her ass back to her parents. My father in law apparently can also drive her places but not his own grandchild. Its probably because I was going to have sex with him...Yea right disgusting. Shes a woman yet he has no issue...maybe her ugly face...who knows. Oh, and my kids arent allowed to see their grandparents due to this situation. Because if she yells at my kid or her son picks on my daughter I will snap! It is that bad. I have made it so I can't even go over there because seeing her face may make me break it.
Why lie to people you don't even know does it make you sleep better at night.I already dealt with someone lying about me before and I am sure having somebody else play this game just pisses me off. If people really want me to be mean I can be. Its only the people that are jealous of you that create these lies. If not they wouldn't say a word. Plus the people you dislike the most, you just don't have to make this stuff up. It gently falls into your lap.Actually the people I dislike the most...have the most failing mistakes :)
I can actually say I am really glad I have great friends that always supported me in whatever decisions I have made..We are only human...We learn from our mistakes and go toward the future.
Time heals all wounds, live long enough you may believe such cliches are true, its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can accomplish the cuts it can close the imperfections it can smooth over, but in the end it comes down to the size if the wound, doesnt it, if the would is deep enough there might be no way to keep it from festering even if you have all the time in the world.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Monday
Saturday was a blast. Went to a bar, that is someplace that I have been at least 5 more times. It just one of those regular bars. But It is actually pretty big bar wise. Our friend is in a band called 'Tis and we go to almost every show. I love the music. But of course I also like to drink. I like all types of alcohol. Seems like every time I go I find something new I like. The bartender names Shane actually is one pretty cool guy! Last time I was there I got him drunk.
Our friend played a pink Floyd tribute. It was utterly awesome. Comfortably numb is easily one of my favorite songs. While I was getting drunk, I had my friend Jaren there because the whole thought of being drunk and unsupervised kinda scares me. My husband doesn't drink because he is the DD. So because of that he watches the show and I bring a friend with me. This time I easily became friends with people around us, giving them a hard time. But of course pretty much everybody is drunk so It works. Got 3 free drinks from guys I didn't know.
I tried Kracken, Washington Apples, and A lot more that I do not remember purely for the fact. I would point at an alcohol and go make me something with it :)When we left Howards for a little bit, to go to a club. We actually found a drunk girl that was scared and lost. She was crying and barely could walk. In fact my friend and I had to keep pulling her dress down and helping her find someone she knew. When she was safely in the arms of her cousin, we could finally go back. Its times like that I am glad I am with people that watch me. I wouldn't ever want that to happen.
The night ended with a screwdriver and then I blacked out once we got to the car. Only the second time I have ever blacked out and I hate the feeling of waking up going what happened. But anywho woke up after 4 hours of sleep feeling drunk as hell. It would come in waves...so glad I do not get hangovers. That is for sure.
Back to reality this morning. It is monday. I have already welcomed it in by dancing while straightening my hair and blaring tons of music. I have been working on my daughters room more and more. The dresser is done! Pink and white! Next it is the fan blades, they are some cheap wood and white fan blades. So I decided to take them to the next level sanded, primed and painted them light pink. Then after that dries splattering them with Lilac. She already has new curtains in her room. I cannot wait to paint her room Pink and white strips.So it wont be too over whelming with pink but girly enough for my little girl. Tinkerbell is her theme but she loves pink.
Next I found an idea with Abc flash card I am going to take a set and burn the edges...Spray paint some and then put in frames with all of the letters. Found that on one of the blogs I subscribe too and I love that Idea!
Its also becoming inside my womb Baby Fever. I only want too but for some reason I am getting baby fever bad! A little Girl named Ginger or a Little boy named Hunter. We also have an extra room...I just don't know maybe somethings in the water. Plus I babysit 2 kids. Oh well..
Happy Monday Everyone,
Our friend played a pink Floyd tribute. It was utterly awesome. Comfortably numb is easily one of my favorite songs. While I was getting drunk, I had my friend Jaren there because the whole thought of being drunk and unsupervised kinda scares me. My husband doesn't drink because he is the DD. So because of that he watches the show and I bring a friend with me. This time I easily became friends with people around us, giving them a hard time. But of course pretty much everybody is drunk so It works. Got 3 free drinks from guys I didn't know.
I tried Kracken, Washington Apples, and A lot more that I do not remember purely for the fact. I would point at an alcohol and go make me something with it :)When we left Howards for a little bit, to go to a club. We actually found a drunk girl that was scared and lost. She was crying and barely could walk. In fact my friend and I had to keep pulling her dress down and helping her find someone she knew. When she was safely in the arms of her cousin, we could finally go back. Its times like that I am glad I am with people that watch me. I wouldn't ever want that to happen.
The night ended with a screwdriver and then I blacked out once we got to the car. Only the second time I have ever blacked out and I hate the feeling of waking up going what happened. But anywho woke up after 4 hours of sleep feeling drunk as hell. It would come in waves...so glad I do not get hangovers. That is for sure.
Back to reality this morning. It is monday. I have already welcomed it in by dancing while straightening my hair and blaring tons of music. I have been working on my daughters room more and more. The dresser is done! Pink and white! Next it is the fan blades, they are some cheap wood and white fan blades. So I decided to take them to the next level sanded, primed and painted them light pink. Then after that dries splattering them with Lilac. She already has new curtains in her room. I cannot wait to paint her room Pink and white strips.So it wont be too over whelming with pink but girly enough for my little girl. Tinkerbell is her theme but she loves pink.
Next I found an idea with Abc flash card I am going to take a set and burn the edges...Spray paint some and then put in frames with all of the letters. Found that on one of the blogs I subscribe too and I love that Idea!
Its also becoming inside my womb Baby Fever. I only want too but for some reason I am getting baby fever bad! A little Girl named Ginger or a Little boy named Hunter. We also have an extra room...I just don't know maybe somethings in the water. Plus I babysit 2 kids. Oh well..
Happy Monday Everyone,
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Our Date Night!
Cuz we all need to have a night away :)So we went and partied it up. Watching our friend do a Pink Floyd Tribute Band! It was worth it. Even spending half of the day today drunk. So worth it!
My best Friend !I love this man!
Meeee!
Jaren and some drunk Guy!
All done.
My best Friend !I love this man!
Meeee!
Jaren and some drunk Guy!
All done.
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