" I planted my mustard seed today"
Faith is an aspect of consciousness. Today as part of my exercise, I imagined my body filled with light and surrounded by Angels. I surrendered my body to God. As I breathed in and out I felt Gods love for me. A huge burden being released as I draw closer to week 4 I feel this was really needed. I loving this experience. I plan to pray before and after I exercise. God is not my judge but he is my healer. I have realized that the real me is not the fat me or the skinny me but I am a spirit..a energy..an idea in the mind of my creator, God. But the human side of me wants to be skinny, again. But with his help God will push me in the right direction. Beauty to be embraced. "Yes, damn it I want this" I have learned to hate the fat me due to being skinny for well most of my life. But hatred does not bring me piece of mind. So I am learning at this time to love myself.
Not see the physical attributes that I hate. They always say Love produces miracles. I am surrounded by love. Not only of God, but my friends, family, kids and my husband. I have a great support system.Actually in reality I do not hate my body, I dislike my size. Even though some people when I was skinny put me in the stuck up position. I really was not. But as I am learning I will forgive the ignorant people. Isn't it funny when we are children. We didn't judge our bodies. We just played and really just as innocent and fun. Honestly, I Have never been jealous of anyones body. I know people had been of mine. But I do not want to be anyone else. I want to be MY skinny. I like my personality and everything that I have. I would not trade any of it for the world. I do admire beauty. But to be jealous is stupid. In this world, There will always be an ugly person and Beautiful people. But ugly is only a term, a person I think may be ugly may be beautiful to others. But as I have learned from my friends beauty is only skin deep, it is definatley who you are when nobody is around and how you treat others.
If I recall a story from when I was younger. There was a spirit who transformed into 3 woman talking to three different girls. She was a poor needy person. The first two just turned the spirit away and the Youngest daughter gave the woman almost all the food she had left and water. The spirit rewarded her. Why? Because It is really how treat people that gets you the ultimate way you want to be.
As i read my friends paper, he lighted my eyes up. He wrote a paper on forgiveness. One of his lines is " Whatever it was that happened to you in the past, It is over. It happened in the past; in the present it does not exist unless you bring it up. Nothing anyone ever done has permanent effects unless you hold on to it permanently. I wish i would have read this in 2007. I wouldn't have struggled so much when I was pregnant. I feel a lot of people need to learn to do this. Take responsibility for what they had done. Seriously, not play victim. But I guess I am expecting too much. People who rather play victim then actually bring themselves to admit they played a part in something. Anyways, I have a lot to do today and short on time.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Losing weight is the best feeling
I reached 3,184 calories on Ea Active 2. Oh and I reached 2,000 calories with elliptical and dance workout whooo!My pants were falling down which is a great sign and my coat is feeling better.
Chisel, you are my only friend.
Fighting a lot of things right know. I am in so much pain at the moment. Or at least all day. Nausea and soreness is creeping upon me more and more everyday the physical exhaustion has hit. It is a weird feeling to be at this creepy exhaustion point. Of course I will continue as I progress in this. In hope on day I will wake up normal. My body has to get use to how much I push. Eric told me to stop pushing my self so hard. All I did was look at him." Are you serious, me stop pushing myself. You know me best. I better be dead" He laughed at this. He is my oldest friend and dearest. He use to run 3-6 miles with me. We equally challenge each other. Usually his comments when we ran." why do you have to be so mean, luves" I just would say" Nobodys listening, Honey"
We lightly teased each other. I cannot express how excited I will be to run with my best friend again. It was so fun. I would love to run again. He has proposed an elliptical or treadmill challenge. Dually noted! I push myself already this just makes the competition greater. Why am I blessed with such great friend. Oh yeah that tight because I am me. Arrogant, much. Yes. Twist of fate in a way. This chapter of my life is getting a whole lot better. Seriously, nothing else I could ask for. Because this chisel is working out great. I will push myself til there is nothing left. I got the tools and now I will scream the loudest. Muscles scream til there is so much pain. I am a little much but I feel this way all the time. I am so strong. I lost more inches. Fuck yes. I am stronger than the fat.
Fat you are an arrogant son of a bitch.That is only here to ruin people life. I will bring my chisel out and fight you with all I have. You will not get the best of me.
We lightly teased each other. I cannot express how excited I will be to run with my best friend again. It was so fun. I would love to run again. He has proposed an elliptical or treadmill challenge. Dually noted! I push myself already this just makes the competition greater. Why am I blessed with such great friend. Oh yeah that tight because I am me. Arrogant, much. Yes. Twist of fate in a way. This chapter of my life is getting a whole lot better. Seriously, nothing else I could ask for. Because this chisel is working out great. I will push myself til there is nothing left. I got the tools and now I will scream the loudest. Muscles scream til there is so much pain. I am a little much but I feel this way all the time. I am so strong. I lost more inches. Fuck yes. I am stronger than the fat.
Fat you are an arrogant son of a bitch.That is only here to ruin people life. I will bring my chisel out and fight you with all I have. You will not get the best of me.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Exercise is a journey, not a destination
Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps. ~Author Unknown
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author Unknown
What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day
Exercise is a journey, not a destination
Our conversation: " Nuh huh Plenty of people have fun exercising" " Yes those are the people that are more fit then us and are past the stage of aches and pains. And why the hell is that hurting. God, why did you create fast feet, jump rope and anything with the world mountain in it"
This is like the conversation we have everyday. We have come to the point in ea active that it has became a sweaty painful exercise. Very painful. When you cry because your calves want to fall off not good. I am surprised I have not gave up. In fact, Okay I am not surprised I am utterly determined to lose the weight. Motivation comes from the inside. Other people can help you but really in your mind YOU have to be the one who wants to change. Or you will just give up.My motivation is wanting to fit in my single size pants. 8 or lower. I want this every single second of everyday. Hell, I am even considering giving up meat. I have to keep seafood, I love that too much. But the only thing I eat now is really chicken.I eat fruit religiosity. Apples have become a comfort food for me. I never really ate chocolate, it always made me feel sick.
Elliptical I pushed myself so hard. I thought I was going to get sick. My abs were in so much pain. 10 minutes into it I thought I was going to instead I pushed myself. Pushed myself so hard. I burned more calories yesterday and hit my goal. Heart rate steady at 176. Which that is the point you can barely talk and gasp for air. I got up to 181. My highest ever heart rate was 198. I got that by running. Its a task called out running. You lightly jog then get close to the person and sprint and beat them. This is phase one. Yesterday it was 180 fast feet, 65 skipping(jump rope) 55 mountain climbers, running and much more. It makes you definatley work it all. I think it was like 46% thighs or hells on Stephs calves.
Exercise is my journey in life. Just as much as motherhood, wife, and marriage. There is never a Destination just sections that are harder than others. I value my friendships, motherhood, being a wife, marriage, and exercise is my voyage. There will never be an absolute destination. Only sections, little breaks, but all in all in continues for a lifetime.I do not give up very easily on anything. Any one who know me, knows this. I get obsessed, involved entirely, emerge myself and all who I am in it. But I do not get hurt easily. Growing up with hard parents makes you stronger.Like I told David once can you defeat the great wall? I am losing inches and pounds. Isn't that the ultimate goal of all this effort. I love it. My workout pants have started to easily be falling off after a few stride jumps. I absolutely cannot wait to buy clothes and get ride of all of my clothes. Start over fresh.
Fresh a word I need. Fresh, energized, begging for forgiveness, starting over, and going back to the old me. The way nicer than I am now me. Gotta get control of my anger again. Actually exercising everyday has got me in a happier mood. A natural pick me up. I will admit there is a point when you see your life going downhill and you have to put the breaks on. I have done that. I was not happy. I was letting it affect my life. But I am actively changing it. As I told David" Hold on tight baby, this is going to be a crazy ride" Change is inevitable, you try to stop it, you will be destroyed. I am not changing anyone but myself. I can only change me. Nobody else. I have been at my frustration point with people. But I let forgiveness flood over me for them. I will not stay trapped. I am too much of a free spirit. Lingering is not one of my strong traits.
I figure lately being a full time mom, wife and exercising with my best friend has taken a majority of my time from me. My day is as of lately is waking up at 9:00a.m. to my son going mommy wake up. So then at 9:30 i make breakfast. Tons to choice from. Then we eat lunch at 1:00. Naptime is always 2:00 til well 4 or 5. I workout my first workout Ea active 2. 30-40 minutes of non stop sweat session. Then they wake up then David gets home and anywhere between 8-2am. I exercise again on the elliptical for 30 minutes. Then bedtime is 2:30-5:00a.m. I have insomnia so it is harder to sleep. No sleep for the wicked. Time for myself, hell I barley get a shower to myself. Somebody has to come in. Unless I take a shower at 2am. Lol quite sad. So my day oh...not to mention cleaning, taking care of the malamutes, birds,and dinner. I am a busy active person. And sometimes we add our dance routine into it. Committed, yes. I think I just like overworking myself. I am exhausted at night yet I push myself the hardest.
I am going back to church again. One of the hardest things for me to do. I disagree with about half the bible. My stance is I would rather stand up for what I believe in, and let God judge me at those Golden gates. I cannot have people trample over what other people do in their lives or what the believe in. It infuriates me to the point of no return. I quit church due to the hatred of the church. Here your suppose to be a Christian, but you act more on the devils working.I can only control me. Human beings are the definition of ignorant and I guess they want to be that way. My way is I believe in God, I believe Jesus died to forgive our sins. In a sense, back stabbed by his best friend. But the bible was written by man. Who says they did not change it. Yes it was written in Gods word. But it is kind of like telephone..it get skewed and things get added. Just my opinion but ONLY GOD can judge me. Fighting over it is an endless cycle. You just put your hands up and walk away.
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author Unknown
What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day
Exercise is a journey, not a destination
Our conversation: " Nuh huh Plenty of people have fun exercising" " Yes those are the people that are more fit then us and are past the stage of aches and pains. And why the hell is that hurting. God, why did you create fast feet, jump rope and anything with the world mountain in it"
This is like the conversation we have everyday. We have come to the point in ea active that it has became a sweaty painful exercise. Very painful. When you cry because your calves want to fall off not good. I am surprised I have not gave up. In fact, Okay I am not surprised I am utterly determined to lose the weight. Motivation comes from the inside. Other people can help you but really in your mind YOU have to be the one who wants to change. Or you will just give up.My motivation is wanting to fit in my single size pants. 8 or lower. I want this every single second of everyday. Hell, I am even considering giving up meat. I have to keep seafood, I love that too much. But the only thing I eat now is really chicken.I eat fruit religiosity. Apples have become a comfort food for me. I never really ate chocolate, it always made me feel sick.
Elliptical I pushed myself so hard. I thought I was going to get sick. My abs were in so much pain. 10 minutes into it I thought I was going to instead I pushed myself. Pushed myself so hard. I burned more calories yesterday and hit my goal. Heart rate steady at 176. Which that is the point you can barely talk and gasp for air. I got up to 181. My highest ever heart rate was 198. I got that by running. Its a task called out running. You lightly jog then get close to the person and sprint and beat them. This is phase one. Yesterday it was 180 fast feet, 65 skipping(jump rope) 55 mountain climbers, running and much more. It makes you definatley work it all. I think it was like 46% thighs or hells on Stephs calves.
Exercise is my journey in life. Just as much as motherhood, wife, and marriage. There is never a Destination just sections that are harder than others. I value my friendships, motherhood, being a wife, marriage, and exercise is my voyage. There will never be an absolute destination. Only sections, little breaks, but all in all in continues for a lifetime.I do not give up very easily on anything. Any one who know me, knows this. I get obsessed, involved entirely, emerge myself and all who I am in it. But I do not get hurt easily. Growing up with hard parents makes you stronger.Like I told David once can you defeat the great wall? I am losing inches and pounds. Isn't that the ultimate goal of all this effort. I love it. My workout pants have started to easily be falling off after a few stride jumps. I absolutely cannot wait to buy clothes and get ride of all of my clothes. Start over fresh.
Fresh a word I need. Fresh, energized, begging for forgiveness, starting over, and going back to the old me. The way nicer than I am now me. Gotta get control of my anger again. Actually exercising everyday has got me in a happier mood. A natural pick me up. I will admit there is a point when you see your life going downhill and you have to put the breaks on. I have done that. I was not happy. I was letting it affect my life. But I am actively changing it. As I told David" Hold on tight baby, this is going to be a crazy ride" Change is inevitable, you try to stop it, you will be destroyed. I am not changing anyone but myself. I can only change me. Nobody else. I have been at my frustration point with people. But I let forgiveness flood over me for them. I will not stay trapped. I am too much of a free spirit. Lingering is not one of my strong traits.
I figure lately being a full time mom, wife and exercising with my best friend has taken a majority of my time from me. My day is as of lately is waking up at 9:00a.m. to my son going mommy wake up. So then at 9:30 i make breakfast. Tons to choice from. Then we eat lunch at 1:00. Naptime is always 2:00 til well 4 or 5. I workout my first workout Ea active 2. 30-40 minutes of non stop sweat session. Then they wake up then David gets home and anywhere between 8-2am. I exercise again on the elliptical for 30 minutes. Then bedtime is 2:30-5:00a.m. I have insomnia so it is harder to sleep. No sleep for the wicked. Time for myself, hell I barley get a shower to myself. Somebody has to come in. Unless I take a shower at 2am. Lol quite sad. So my day oh...not to mention cleaning, taking care of the malamutes, birds,and dinner. I am a busy active person. And sometimes we add our dance routine into it. Committed, yes. I think I just like overworking myself. I am exhausted at night yet I push myself the hardest.
I am going back to church again. One of the hardest things for me to do. I disagree with about half the bible. My stance is I would rather stand up for what I believe in, and let God judge me at those Golden gates. I cannot have people trample over what other people do in their lives or what the believe in. It infuriates me to the point of no return. I quit church due to the hatred of the church. Here your suppose to be a Christian, but you act more on the devils working.I can only control me. Human beings are the definition of ignorant and I guess they want to be that way. My way is I believe in God, I believe Jesus died to forgive our sins. In a sense, back stabbed by his best friend. But the bible was written by man. Who says they did not change it. Yes it was written in Gods word. But it is kind of like telephone..it get skewed and things get added. Just my opinion but ONLY GOD can judge me. Fighting over it is an endless cycle. You just put your hands up and walk away.
Friday, February 11, 2011
The mirror maiden
I dream of a happier time
With less mirrors
Seeing the secrets
They hide tangled within the corridors of life
They ivy wraps around
these secrets to keep them in
they hold tight.
They mirror maiden is trapped inside
She sees all but no avail
They mirror wraps her inside
Hugging her tight
She tries to scream
But it echos in the corridor
the soul reached out
Nobody is there
The hold is stronger
It is tighter
There is no one
The pull in indefinate
Leading to nowhere
The soul screams
Secrets to enfold on each other
She is tangled.
She struggles she loses the battle
lays lifeless everything taken from her
With less mirrors
Seeing the secrets
They hide tangled within the corridors of life
They ivy wraps around
these secrets to keep them in
they hold tight.
They mirror maiden is trapped inside
She sees all but no avail
They mirror wraps her inside
Hugging her tight
She tries to scream
But it echos in the corridor
the soul reached out
Nobody is there
The hold is stronger
It is tighter
There is no one
The pull in indefinate
Leading to nowhere
The soul screams
Secrets to enfold on each other
She is tangled.
She struggles she loses the battle
lays lifeless everything taken from her
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Yoga for the warriot
So I accomplished today the bird of paradise today. Pushing my body to a limit like no other. I have Yoga for the Warrior. Let me tell you some of his poses are intense. Today my hips are killing me. But alas I have moved up to starting tomorrow. Yoga for the warrior 15 minutes. Then Yoga for the warrior for an hour. They have two workouts.Then Pilates before bed. I am working my whole body out.
This is the bird of paradise. You have your arms clasped behind your back and you hold this for a whole of like 5 minutes. It burns like hell. But It is an accomplishment
Meet my friend for the next month. I have 4 wedding to go to this year and I want to look amazing. Maybe not to my former self but lets just say 30 pounds down and i will be a happy girl. Time to take my multivitamin. Just writing that makes me feel 40. But to make myself feel tons better. I got this. I get my hair died soon. Cannot wait.
Meet my friend for the next month. I have 4 wedding to go to this year and I want to look amazing. Maybe not to my former self but lets just say 30 pounds down and i will be a happy girl. Time to take my multivitamin. Just writing that makes me feel 40. But to make myself feel tons better. I got this. I get my hair died soon. Cannot wait.
Friday, February 4, 2011
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