I am a Phoenix

So life has been a rush...lately I have been asking myself what do I want. I have hit that lovely fork in the road. The one that is so godforsaken painful and world shaking.

I am 24 and I have no idea what I want. I feel like a 2 year old in a horrible temper tantrum. One hand I get the world and the other hand I get to restart my life. Which honestly, desperatly feels right. People rarely get do overs.

I am in the mist of divorce with my husband. Who claims to have finally found himself and he can finally give me the love I deserve. How many second, third, fourths times can you forgive someone. That relationship was a lot of hard work and a lot of painful memories. Hence it has ended this way after 8 1/2 years. I want to believe he changed..but part of me doesn't want to be stuck in the whirlpool of pain over and over.

Secondly, I am in love with my best friend and always have been. He has always picked me up through the low points of my life. We have seen the best of times and the worst of each other. He doesn't try to change me or even pressure me into the norms. I am still changing and he isn't stifling that.He also gets along with my kids so well. They are the most important people in my life. Plus he is also into fitness and being healthy. Which is so important to me.

Can I give up a second chance to finally be happy for a past wrapped in hell? I don't know. I do know I am going to school for Exercise Science Concentration. Every Saturday 8-5 I spend in school, do my online classes and get ahead.

I recently got surgery. Tubal Ligation. I made the big decision to never have children again. All I need is my two angels. So I am slowly getting back into exercise. The stress on the muscle is a bit much and you are sore a little bit. So I started out last week. .. with 6 miles on the bike...I was sore let me tell you. So this Monday I thought lets do this again. Monday I did 6 miles in 30 minutes. Today I did Tuesday- 1 minute of 5 and then today 7 miles of 35 miles.

Life is insane at the moment and keeping up with it is so hard...but as always it will keep going. Restarting my life.