Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Self Motivated
So I have been traveling in my journey mostly alone so far. Inspiring as I go. With questions on facebook, How are you doing it, You look great, How did you start and so much more.
Then I also get said by the people saying How did you start? Then they are still doing nothing to change it. Kinda just makes it a waste of breathes. So I joined Sparkpeople a place that is purely for people who keep you motivated and want to lose weight. Not just talk big about it and "DO absolutely nothing" I kinda get sick of the same questions, I like people who are truly going to use it for their own personal gain. I love finding out how people are doing it and sprinkling in my knowledge of what has worked for me. Sadly, I still will say for all my workout partners that have gave up because of the physically demand or just laziness. People who have asked me yet seek no solution for their unhappiness. When I get to my goal weight, I won't have to say a single thing. Because they are just going to do it to themselves.
Being very secure in my decision, because I am self motivated. Intensely proud of my 23 pounds and it will only grow and grow. I am proud of myself because most people just stay unhappy and learn to live with how they are. I do not want to let my kids or husband down. I am selfish in my own glory. But I keep seeing people proudly putting there lost 100, 120 pounds and I am inspired by them to keep going.
I may be sore, in pain, limping sometimes but every morning I get up and push myself. Always for myself :)
Make Your Life Remarkable :) Because you are the only person that can !
Keep striving to be great
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Guess What?
Freeze this moment a little bit longer, make each sensation a little bit stronger......Rush (Time Stand Still)
This was the conversation between my workout/best friend and me :
Me:My standards for myself are so killing you would never want me to put it on you
Lindsay: honestly, i wouldn't want you to either
i know how you push yourself
in my perception you are killing yourself
Hmm..take it either the horrid way or the I am 100% self motivated. Even this morning woke up in the most extreme soreness. I had 5 minutes to recover and Bam! I got up and worked out for 45 minutes! Second level of Ramp it up Pilates, Arms, and Legs. Blah crunches and such are easy.
Then this night I walked down our main street 2 miles. (Approximation) Then on the way back I ran a mile! I didnt think it was in me, but boy was I wrong. A mile again! I use to easily run 8 miles..before kids but I did a mile! I was so excited that can home in a sweaty loving mood told my husband what I did and he took me a my sweaty self and hugged me :) Which is a lot for me, practically hate sweat.
But Still I RAN A MILE!!! A WHOLE FRICKIN MILE ! Sorry I am excited
This was the conversation between my workout/best friend and me :
Me:My standards for myself are so killing you would never want me to put it on you
Lindsay: honestly, i wouldn't want you to either
i know how you push yourself
in my perception you are killing yourself
Hmm..take it either the horrid way or the I am 100% self motivated. Even this morning woke up in the most extreme soreness. I had 5 minutes to recover and Bam! I got up and worked out for 45 minutes! Second level of Ramp it up Pilates, Arms, and Legs. Blah crunches and such are easy.
Then this night I walked down our main street 2 miles. (Approximation) Then on the way back I ran a mile! I didnt think it was in me, but boy was I wrong. A mile again! I use to easily run 8 miles..before kids but I did a mile! I was so excited that can home in a sweaty loving mood told my husband what I did and he took me a my sweaty self and hugged me :) Which is a lot for me, practically hate sweat.
But Still I RAN A MILE!!! A WHOLE FRICKIN MILE ! Sorry I am excited
Your like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.
I have defeated my day. Got my children to be exhausted and my nephew to almost fall asleep before Grandma showed up to take him <3 I think I was always destined to be a mother, it just feels so natural. Even a Aunt for that matter. I love doing everything with the kids, but sad thing is every night I have to exercise and leave them for 1 to 2 hours. It rips my heart out.
But I have been enjoying the little breaks I get just because I have been seeing results that make me be an even better mother. I have also been noticing, the only place we eat at is Subway. 6 inches is getting too much for me. Greasy food of any sort makes me want to barf. I didn't eat a lot to begin with but now it is just getting worst. My body is just craving all kinds of fruit, all the time. To the point meat is making me just want to become a vegetarian. Of course, I still eat honey, hard boiled eyes and tons of seafood. The name is escaping me of what they call that. Oh well, my best friend is a full-on vegetarian and eats tofu all the time. Tofu turkey? Not my kind of things. But Veggie Burgers are pretty bitching. All I drink is Whole milk or Almond Milk.
But I have been enjoying the little breaks I get just because I have been seeing results that make me be an even better mother. I have also been noticing, the only place we eat at is Subway. 6 inches is getting too much for me. Greasy food of any sort makes me want to barf. I didn't eat a lot to begin with but now it is just getting worst. My body is just craving all kinds of fruit, all the time. To the point meat is making me just want to become a vegetarian. Of course, I still eat honey, hard boiled eyes and tons of seafood. The name is escaping me of what they call that. Oh well, my best friend is a full-on vegetarian and eats tofu all the time. Tofu turkey? Not my kind of things. But Veggie Burgers are pretty bitching. All I drink is Whole milk or Almond Milk.
"There is a fine line between being intrigued and obsessively stalking.
When you are intrigued, you want a little more, you want to know more about the person, you want to learn from them, you want to be their student. But when you stalk someone, you are breaking the boundary rule. You are invading their space, their life, their career."
~ Josefina, You’re Up To No Good
Monday, August 29, 2011
Make Your life worth something
My days have been getting more and more...just plan lovely! Yesterday, I walked for 6 miles, not worrying about a single thing. Just enjoying the path ways of nature trail and walking with an amazing friend. We noticed in the place we live there is no need for any overweight. We have what like six parks, we have a huge track, our park has a mile long track and a huge hill. Oh plus about a two mile long nature trail. Honestly, no reason.
I also have done my week long of Start it Up. Graduated to Ramp it Up with flying colors. It was easier than I expected and I have already saw differences. My pregnancy pants that I LOVE are getting so much loose on my thigh. So nice. I haven't had my scale for a week and I have been more in tune with my body. Haven't measured and haven't cheated on the whole thing. I looked in the mirror today and was like I see so many differences and feeling better and better. In the whole journey of mine. In my mind I have lost 23 pounds...but I do not know how much at the moment. Drive me crazy :)I have overcome any shyness that use to exist and pretty much let my outgoing side out. Which at times can be overbearing, but worth the laugh :)
5 MORE WEEKS! Lets see where this takes me! Bike riding, walking, running, and my Workout. It is fun and entertaining and getting encouragement from my husband makes my life so much better. It is a highly active life at the moment, but it is oh, so fun.
Operation Preschool is going great, and all week I have my nephew! Today I will have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and a 2 year old. Makes me miss babysitting Violet :(. Well off to continue my 'venture.
By the way, Jonah Hill looks Amazing. I love him even more now..
I also have done my week long of Start it Up. Graduated to Ramp it Up with flying colors. It was easier than I expected and I have already saw differences. My pregnancy pants that I LOVE are getting so much loose on my thigh. So nice. I haven't had my scale for a week and I have been more in tune with my body. Haven't measured and haven't cheated on the whole thing. I looked in the mirror today and was like I see so many differences and feeling better and better. In the whole journey of mine. In my mind I have lost 23 pounds...but I do not know how much at the moment. Drive me crazy :)I have overcome any shyness that use to exist and pretty much let my outgoing side out. Which at times can be overbearing, but worth the laugh :)
5 MORE WEEKS! Lets see where this takes me! Bike riding, walking, running, and my Workout. It is fun and entertaining and getting encouragement from my husband makes my life so much better. It is a highly active life at the moment, but it is oh, so fun.
Operation Preschool is going great, and all week I have my nephew! Today I will have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and a 2 year old. Makes me miss babysitting Violet :(. Well off to continue my 'venture.
By the way, Jonah Hill looks Amazing. I love him even more now..
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Invincibility
Sometimes, I doubt how strong I am. Seriously, I am only human as much as my brain tries to fight that little detail. I am invincible, in reality I am far from it.
I am fighting off schizophrenia, I know it is a failing battle. Very failing in fact but the drugs help. Not Invincible, someday I will be talking about "they" and convincing myself I haven't lost it. My grandmother had Paranoid schizophrenia. She ended up being sent to the mental asylum after she left my mother in a crib for three day. No diaper changes, no food, and all alone hiding under her crib. My mother was saved by grandpa and needless to say grandma went into shock treatment...stupid stupid stupid. Seriously, who goes lets put electricity through you and you will be normal for a bit, but oh yeah we FRIED your fucking brain. You doctors are fucked up. My grandma was a very creative person though. She made my mothers outfits and my grandma was also so very beautiful. She was a strong woman that got effected in all the wrong ways. She even forgot she was married or had to clean all of the silverware, and organize it all. My grandmother who I had never met, I felt like I knew her. My mom hadn't seen her since she was little, not by her choice, by her fathers and the decisions he made. My mother was the only one who could pull her plug....My mom went to the hospital, talked about life and everything she accomplished. Told her mother it was okay to move on, by the way grandma was in a coma. Mom says she felt grandmas hand squeeze hers and 5 minutes later, Grandma had passed on.
Grandma Lorna 1960
My mother and Grandma 1964.
I wish a knew her, but in a way I do, all the stories the family say.I love her with all of my heart.
Back to Invincible, I can say I felt invincible during birth. I went and conquered it. All Natural, let me tell you back labor was the worst feeling in the world. Zekes labor was easy all natural, lorilye was all back work. No medicine during, just newbane after that because I had to have 5 stitches, from ripping, oh how lovely. The newbane is the only thing that slowed me down. Really, I was constantly being reminded how I just went through labor and need to just sit and lie down. My body was exhausted. I was like I feel fine. The newbane made me start speaking jibberish and started falling asleep. But I still won and all natural births.
Even it goes as far as saying if you asked me 3 years ago if I would be overweight. My brain would say Yeah you are crazy. Now I have lost 23 pounds plus, havent checked my weight in over a week now, who knows. But I have also learned what a journey this is of course being a little sore(a lot) is totally worth losing every single pound I want to lose. I am not giving up , I am also not being a person that makes up excuses why I am fat, and then be all depressed about it. But SIT on my ASS and do nothing about it! If you feel bad about your weight, then look what you are shoving in your face to get that way. Or in my case pregnancy, Depo Provera, or any other thing to cause it.
On this journey, I have heard every excuse of why somebody cant exercise. Everyone can exercise. Even just moving your arms..if my 350 lb friend can, you can too. I realize I am not invincible and have to lose all this weight to be healthy. Plus my weight is a spongy self hating filled sack of absolutely nothing. Yup, Can you tell I hate my fat? Stretch marks I can deal with. They do not bother me in fat, they went from being an angry red, to a barley noticeable peachish white color, fyi I have never had stretch marks. ..Plus why worry about them when 73 pounds to reach a healthy weight.
It is hard to even admit I was 243.3 pounds..Really hard in fact. That number is ugly and incomplete. It is not me. I weigh a week ago 220.0 pounds now, I am not happy with that number BUT it is ever changing. 20 more pounds til I get under 200 that will be a huge defeat for me. HUGE! Seeing clothes fall off of me is amazing. My boobs have not got any smaller, but I graduated with dd. I have triple ds now! I could live without them. Took me $10 to get started with this journey, I think how much I spent so far I should not care to admit.
I have in fact inspired so many, whether they take it and do something about it is their own judgement. I just know in my life I am making a difference. Plus I want to be here for my children in my old age. I would rather do this when I have the choice, not when its a life and death situation. I am lucky in mine, I have normal cholesterol, normal blood pressure, no diabetes, I am still healthy just not in the body I want to be in.
My motivation in the next 6 weeks is That number on the scale I get to see after 6 weeks! 6 weeks is so far away, yet on Sunday I will be on Week 2...Oh how time flies. Nothing is ever easy to obtain, but if you stick to it, you can defeat it. If you are unhappy all you have to do is take the little steps to become who will make you happy. It is possible just believe in yourself..
..because we are not so invincible....
I am fighting off schizophrenia, I know it is a failing battle. Very failing in fact but the drugs help. Not Invincible, someday I will be talking about "they" and convincing myself I haven't lost it. My grandmother had Paranoid schizophrenia. She ended up being sent to the mental asylum after she left my mother in a crib for three day. No diaper changes, no food, and all alone hiding under her crib. My mother was saved by grandpa and needless to say grandma went into shock treatment...stupid stupid stupid. Seriously, who goes lets put electricity through you and you will be normal for a bit, but oh yeah we FRIED your fucking brain. You doctors are fucked up. My grandma was a very creative person though. She made my mothers outfits and my grandma was also so very beautiful. She was a strong woman that got effected in all the wrong ways. She even forgot she was married or had to clean all of the silverware, and organize it all. My grandmother who I had never met, I felt like I knew her. My mom hadn't seen her since she was little, not by her choice, by her fathers and the decisions he made. My mother was the only one who could pull her plug....My mom went to the hospital, talked about life and everything she accomplished. Told her mother it was okay to move on, by the way grandma was in a coma. Mom says she felt grandmas hand squeeze hers and 5 minutes later, Grandma had passed on.
My mother and Grandma 1964.
I wish a knew her, but in a way I do, all the stories the family say.I love her with all of my heart.
Back to Invincible, I can say I felt invincible during birth. I went and conquered it. All Natural, let me tell you back labor was the worst feeling in the world. Zekes labor was easy all natural, lorilye was all back work. No medicine during, just newbane after that because I had to have 5 stitches, from ripping, oh how lovely. The newbane is the only thing that slowed me down. Really, I was constantly being reminded how I just went through labor and need to just sit and lie down. My body was exhausted. I was like I feel fine. The newbane made me start speaking jibberish and started falling asleep. But I still won and all natural births.
Even it goes as far as saying if you asked me 3 years ago if I would be overweight. My brain would say Yeah you are crazy. Now I have lost 23 pounds plus, havent checked my weight in over a week now, who knows. But I have also learned what a journey this is of course being a little sore(a lot) is totally worth losing every single pound I want to lose. I am not giving up , I am also not being a person that makes up excuses why I am fat, and then be all depressed about it. But SIT on my ASS and do nothing about it! If you feel bad about your weight, then look what you are shoving in your face to get that way. Or in my case pregnancy, Depo Provera, or any other thing to cause it.
On this journey, I have heard every excuse of why somebody cant exercise. Everyone can exercise. Even just moving your arms..if my 350 lb friend can, you can too. I realize I am not invincible and have to lose all this weight to be healthy. Plus my weight is a spongy self hating filled sack of absolutely nothing. Yup, Can you tell I hate my fat? Stretch marks I can deal with. They do not bother me in fat, they went from being an angry red, to a barley noticeable peachish white color, fyi I have never had stretch marks. ..Plus why worry about them when 73 pounds to reach a healthy weight.
It is hard to even admit I was 243.3 pounds..Really hard in fact. That number is ugly and incomplete. It is not me. I weigh a week ago 220.0 pounds now, I am not happy with that number BUT it is ever changing. 20 more pounds til I get under 200 that will be a huge defeat for me. HUGE! Seeing clothes fall off of me is amazing. My boobs have not got any smaller, but I graduated with dd. I have triple ds now! I could live without them. Took me $10 to get started with this journey, I think how much I spent so far I should not care to admit.
I have in fact inspired so many, whether they take it and do something about it is their own judgement. I just know in my life I am making a difference. Plus I want to be here for my children in my old age. I would rather do this when I have the choice, not when its a life and death situation. I am lucky in mine, I have normal cholesterol, normal blood pressure, no diabetes, I am still healthy just not in the body I want to be in.
My motivation in the next 6 weeks is That number on the scale I get to see after 6 weeks! 6 weeks is so far away, yet on Sunday I will be on Week 2...Oh how time flies. Nothing is ever easy to obtain, but if you stick to it, you can defeat it. If you are unhappy all you have to do is take the little steps to become who will make you happy. It is possible just believe in yourself..
..because we are not so invincible....
Monday, August 22, 2011
Normal is my way...in my life
You know as of lately, I don't get why people around me aren't getting that I have a two year old and a three year old. My rules:
No you may not smoke around my kids, nor will we go to your home, even with the window down, YOU can still hurt my child.
My child is not going to have candy or Pop! My kids have never had pop, and okay that is a lie.My son was gave Pop and koolaid and Davids mothers house. Let me tell you my son got a sugar crash and was burnt out and sick. She is now aware that Zeke will not have Pop or Kool aid.
I do not believe in condiments. Spices, yes other than Salt.
If you do not like my kids, but you are my friend. Well you ma'am can go shot yourself for all I care.
No, you may not call at the last minute and expect us to find a babysitter.
Surprise, my husband and I haven't been on a date together with out the kids since April 1st 2011 and the one before that was in January and before that October :)
We only let family or my one friend watch my kids. I do not believing in hiring someone who thinks they can protect and care for my child.
I am a stay at home mom, and don't demean it, I would like to see you do it for a day and have a schedule.
My kids have veggies with every meal, fruit with every meal and then healthy entrees. And we only eat wheat and whole wheat pastas.
No I do not believe in syrup.
Yes my son was starting to potty train at one and his sister is stubborn.
I do not believe in Dora. I believe my kid need to understand english first before spanish is ever introduced.
I like Einstein for babies, its fun :)
Yes, my kids are spoiled and so am I.
But for my real friends I don't have to remind you. You take the time to go hey wanna go walking after the kids eat. Better yet, lets have david bring the kids to the park and go walking on the track.
No you may not smoke around my kids, nor will we go to your home, even with the window down, YOU can still hurt my child.
My child is not going to have candy or Pop! My kids have never had pop, and okay that is a lie.My son was gave Pop and koolaid and Davids mothers house. Let me tell you my son got a sugar crash and was burnt out and sick. She is now aware that Zeke will not have Pop or Kool aid.
I do not believe in condiments. Spices, yes other than Salt.
If you do not like my kids, but you are my friend. Well you ma'am can go shot yourself for all I care.
No, you may not call at the last minute and expect us to find a babysitter.
Surprise, my husband and I haven't been on a date together with out the kids since April 1st 2011 and the one before that was in January and before that October :)
We only let family or my one friend watch my kids. I do not believing in hiring someone who thinks they can protect and care for my child.
I am a stay at home mom, and don't demean it, I would like to see you do it for a day and have a schedule.
My kids have veggies with every meal, fruit with every meal and then healthy entrees. And we only eat wheat and whole wheat pastas.
No I do not believe in syrup.
Yes my son was starting to potty train at one and his sister is stubborn.
I do not believe in Dora. I believe my kid need to understand english first before spanish is ever introduced.
I like Einstein for babies, its fun :)
Yes, my kids are spoiled and so am I.
But for my real friends I don't have to remind you. You take the time to go hey wanna go walking after the kids eat. Better yet, lets have david bring the kids to the park and go walking on the track.
Things..I have learned
It is painful to run after toddlers when your abs and thighs are so fricking sore...FACT!..but... Which is I GUESS a good thing, my body could disagree :)
Am I the only Parent that doesn't give my kids Ketchup,mustard,syrup, or anything else that is considered bad...I am giving them a chance to explore their food before they NEED ketchup with it everytime.
Oh and I believe in vegetables at every meal.
Everywhere I go I have 50 million Scenario of what may happen and Have a diaper bag for about a million possibilities.
Listening to music makes things less bored..
The more irritated I am, the more determined and headstrong I am
People want me to sell my Christmas ornaments that I made, which excites me..have sold 10!
Having a workout partner makes you better because you want them to see how much you have grown
Giving up a scale for 6 weeks is difficult
Multi vitamin pills make me throw up all 3 kinds I have tried
Am I the only Parent that doesn't give my kids Ketchup,mustard,syrup, or anything else that is considered bad...I am giving them a chance to explore their food before they NEED ketchup with it everytime.
Oh and I believe in vegetables at every meal.
Everywhere I go I have 50 million Scenario of what may happen and Have a diaper bag for about a million possibilities.
Listening to music makes things less bored..
The more irritated I am, the more determined and headstrong I am
People want me to sell my Christmas ornaments that I made, which excites me..have sold 10!
Having a workout partner makes you better because you want them to see how much you have grown
Giving up a scale for 6 weeks is difficult
Multi vitamin pills make me throw up all 3 kinds I have tried
Friday, August 19, 2011
Slim in 6
It is so hard for me to give up my scale for six weeks. Everyday I take not of my weight, fat content and my Water weight. As of Sunday I will weigh myself, take my measurements, and then my scale is having a 6 week vacation, so I cannot cheat. It is an addiction and it will be hard. But I started Slim in 6 today to add to my weight loss. I think it is totally achievable. One video (1 week), Second video (2 weeks) and them the last video for three weeks. It will be worth it. I am running everyday too.
I also have the fair coming up...so I have so much to do and have to make sure it sticks..plus taking pills...I hate pills.Being anemic for 18 months was the hardest thing for me to take my iron pills :( But I guess if I want my scale back I am going to do this.
Have a good weekend everyone, I will be with my husband and kiddos, keeping up the fun :)
I also have the fair coming up...so I have so much to do and have to make sure it sticks..plus taking pills...I hate pills.Being anemic for 18 months was the hardest thing for me to take my iron pills :( But I guess if I want my scale back I am going to do this.
Have a good weekend everyone, I will be with my husband and kiddos, keeping up the fun :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Smile, because you have a reason to.
Yesterday was an amazing Family day. It makes me so very happy. We spent the morning at a park, then went out to eat, and lastly went to another park while I went Running/walking 2 miles. Got some sunburn, but it was so worth it, then got up this morning. Weighed myself and then Bam! 23 pounds lost. Amazing.
So many people I talk to do not know how to start this weight loss thing. For me, I gained the weight from happy Pregnancies. I will never blame my children or make then feel like they made me gain the weight. Maybe since when I was pregnant I slept all the time. The fact is they gave me the opportunity to be stronger. To fight for something I had never understood before. Weight loss. Losing weight helps you gain so much, self eestem but also a sense of who you are.
I was skinny my entire life. I complained about my hips, turned out they were great baby pushers. I thought I could always change. I was not vain, and my friends cam in all sizes. I believe a real friend is created from the inside, most people are not happy with there outside. For me this journey is going to make my kids stronger as well. They will see what their mother has accomplished and have strength from it. I get my strength from my children, friends, family and my husband.
It took Depo Provera to wake me up. That Birth control is the devil for me. Instead of making me gain weight, like most people have problems with, it made me stick to the weight. Which in all really makes you bitter or emotional. But after the six months of quitting my birth control I started my journey. I immediately started losing weight. I picked up Ea Active 2 and just started.
It hurt but it is so worth it now that I look back. So So worth it. No matter the ripped tendons, calf pain, and bruises it was all worth it. It still is worth it. I ran a 1/2 mile yesterday and was so proud of myself. Nobody said this would be easy. If fact it is the hardest thing. Hardest,most painful excruciating thing in someones whole life. Either you have the motivation or you don't. It takes one hell of a person to do this journey. I look up to every single person who has kept their journey alive and won. It is amazing high. I encourage anyone who needs to lose weight to have faith. Always have a positive mind and keep it up even when you hit a wall. The wall sucks but you have to climb it.
Make your life worth something :)
So many people I talk to do not know how to start this weight loss thing. For me, I gained the weight from happy Pregnancies. I will never blame my children or make then feel like they made me gain the weight. Maybe since when I was pregnant I slept all the time. The fact is they gave me the opportunity to be stronger. To fight for something I had never understood before. Weight loss. Losing weight helps you gain so much, self eestem but also a sense of who you are.
I was skinny my entire life. I complained about my hips, turned out they were great baby pushers. I thought I could always change. I was not vain, and my friends cam in all sizes. I believe a real friend is created from the inside, most people are not happy with there outside. For me this journey is going to make my kids stronger as well. They will see what their mother has accomplished and have strength from it. I get my strength from my children, friends, family and my husband.
It took Depo Provera to wake me up. That Birth control is the devil for me. Instead of making me gain weight, like most people have problems with, it made me stick to the weight. Which in all really makes you bitter or emotional. But after the six months of quitting my birth control I started my journey. I immediately started losing weight. I picked up Ea Active 2 and just started.
It hurt but it is so worth it now that I look back. So So worth it. No matter the ripped tendons, calf pain, and bruises it was all worth it. It still is worth it. I ran a 1/2 mile yesterday and was so proud of myself. Nobody said this would be easy. If fact it is the hardest thing. Hardest,most painful excruciating thing in someones whole life. Either you have the motivation or you don't. It takes one hell of a person to do this journey. I look up to every single person who has kept their journey alive and won. It is amazing high. I encourage anyone who needs to lose weight to have faith. Always have a positive mind and keep it up even when you hit a wall. The wall sucks but you have to climb it.
Make your life worth something :)
Monday, August 8, 2011
This month will be amazing
My facebook Status:Needs to get my sleep schedule messed with, sprinkled with some exercise, keep my mind preoccupied and keep on the whole sane life thing...and have time for everything that I don't have time for and make time...Changes are big and coming...let's just hope my brain can keep up with my body....lets see that -22 pounds go down way more...Just have to remember how amazing I am ♥, and fact I love having supportive friends and family ...Specially, you Amber Rose Golden....
After Having an ego blow...I am almost recovered. Pretty much because two special guys in my life are amazing. David's words were " Wow, babe you look amazing. I am starting to see the weight come off" I have been waiting to hear this since I started working out...My other friend was just as nice. He said "I am beautiful the way I am"This to me is just a nice friend, I want to lose more weight so I will take it as a compliment for now.
My sleep pattern is an absolute disaster. Literally, I cut every night on 3 hours of sleep because my body wants that much any more I am exhausted all day. And less and I am not sleeping at all. It is one of those happy medium things. Plus with my running schedule and my walking it is difficult to even be home by midnight. Let alone sleep after that. I guess, somehow I will figure it out.
Big changes are things I have started to unravel in my life. Some things I am not proud of but will always survive. Time to make mistakes and get back up. I am fighting a boss battle on repeat and sometimes I think it would be easier to quit. But as anyone who knows me, I am not easy and I choose the most difficult decision that there is. That is why I live to Breathe and fight to Breathe. I am a wife, a mommy, best friend, daughter, lover, friend, and I am just plain Stephanie Fawn. Which by my name I am the Crown. My Husband is the Beloved.My daughter is a Tempest/Siren. My son is the strength of God. We are have faith in our Zodiacs, Sagittarius(David),Aquarius(me), Cancer(son) and Leo(daughter) and a Gemini. I think we have it all covered. :) So let me make this month unbelievable...I celebrate 6 years with David September 4th...:)
After Having an ego blow...I am almost recovered. Pretty much because two special guys in my life are amazing. David's words were " Wow, babe you look amazing. I am starting to see the weight come off" I have been waiting to hear this since I started working out...My other friend was just as nice. He said "I am beautiful the way I am"This to me is just a nice friend, I want to lose more weight so I will take it as a compliment for now.
My sleep pattern is an absolute disaster. Literally, I cut every night on 3 hours of sleep because my body wants that much any more I am exhausted all day. And less and I am not sleeping at all. It is one of those happy medium things. Plus with my running schedule and my walking it is difficult to even be home by midnight. Let alone sleep after that. I guess, somehow I will figure it out.
Big changes are things I have started to unravel in my life. Some things I am not proud of but will always survive. Time to make mistakes and get back up. I am fighting a boss battle on repeat and sometimes I think it would be easier to quit. But as anyone who knows me, I am not easy and I choose the most difficult decision that there is. That is why I live to Breathe and fight to Breathe. I am a wife, a mommy, best friend, daughter, lover, friend, and I am just plain Stephanie Fawn. Which by my name I am the Crown. My Husband is the Beloved.My daughter is a Tempest/Siren. My son is the strength of God. We are have faith in our Zodiacs, Sagittarius(David),Aquarius(me), Cancer(son) and Leo(daughter) and a Gemini. I think we have it all covered. :) So let me make this month unbelievable...I celebrate 6 years with David September 4th...:)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I will always be there for you!
Quote of the day:
"I will support you in whatever decisions you make, if you rob a bank we will still be friends"
There is a reason I have the friends I have. When I was in school I would literally talk on the phone either all night or all day. I am a talker. I would also spend so much time with my friends while balancing out my boyfriends. Of course, now we are older and I am married, 2 kids, and owning things. My friends have never faultered. These are friends you call up when your 18 and go We are Pregnant and they are just as excited as you are. Visiting you in the hospital. Calling at 3am to talk. Then I have my friends and then I have those you run into ever now and then. Talk maybe meet up for some brunch. But you never really tell those people what is in your brain. Its just one of those, Everything is perfect in my brain how about yours.
Real friends know how to deal with you and be around you and understand. I am glad I am blessed with these people. I think with everything I have seen and dealt with. These people are the most respected people in my life. These are the people I can be doing something completely wrong and they are still next to me. I feel so much pain for people who back stab their friends...its disgraceful. Utterly disgusting. As a friend, know your place. I expect unconditionally my friends no matter what. We have had the bad boyfriends, affairs, drugs, alchol, and so much more and still supported each other.
THats a real friend...I want to look back at my life and KNOW i am doing everything possible to be a great person and have no regrets. I am making my life Remarkable...with the tools I have.
To my best friend"Seeing the love of my life tonight, \\ She keeps all my deep dark secrets and I love her for that. There is defiantly a reason why we have been best friends for 9 years...since 7th grade. I love you, darling."
to me"gotta love the one person who would accept me when everyone else wouldn't...thanks for being there for me and not back stabbing me to be with the "in crowd", after 6th grade I lost all self confidence and respect but I always knew you were there for me...just returning the favor =)"
"I will support you in whatever decisions you make, if you rob a bank we will still be friends"
There is a reason I have the friends I have. When I was in school I would literally talk on the phone either all night or all day. I am a talker. I would also spend so much time with my friends while balancing out my boyfriends. Of course, now we are older and I am married, 2 kids, and owning things. My friends have never faultered. These are friends you call up when your 18 and go We are Pregnant and they are just as excited as you are. Visiting you in the hospital. Calling at 3am to talk. Then I have my friends and then I have those you run into ever now and then. Talk maybe meet up for some brunch. But you never really tell those people what is in your brain. Its just one of those, Everything is perfect in my brain how about yours.
Real friends know how to deal with you and be around you and understand. I am glad I am blessed with these people. I think with everything I have seen and dealt with. These people are the most respected people in my life. These are the people I can be doing something completely wrong and they are still next to me. I feel so much pain for people who back stab their friends...its disgraceful. Utterly disgusting. As a friend, know your place. I expect unconditionally my friends no matter what. We have had the bad boyfriends, affairs, drugs, alchol, and so much more and still supported each other.
THats a real friend...I want to look back at my life and KNOW i am doing everything possible to be a great person and have no regrets. I am making my life Remarkable...with the tools I have.
To my best friend"Seeing the love of my life tonight, \\ She keeps all my deep dark secrets and I love her for that. There is defiantly a reason why we have been best friends for 9 years...since 7th grade. I love you, darling."
to me"gotta love the one person who would accept me when everyone else wouldn't...thanks for being there for me and not back stabbing me to be with the "in crowd", after 6th grade I lost all self confidence and respect but I always knew you were there for me...just returning the favor =)"
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Thoughts
Goals for Uncoming:
Dye Hair White and Black
Snake Bits and Corset Piercing(Back)
Cherry Blossom Tattoo(Side,boob, arm)
Get my Blue Quaker
I think I goT it all :)
Dye Hair White and Black
Snake Bits and Corset Piercing(Back)
Cherry Blossom Tattoo(Side,boob, arm)
Get my Blue Quaker
I think I goT it all :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
..words..
A dreary mess am I
yet you hold me in such regard
Your kiss is contagious
longing for more, yet holding back
Breathless am I, perfect is in
Tell me is this real?
You hold my heart for eternity
Yet so does he....
Lost in a shadow of doubt
Clouded by emotion
Blinded by love yet again
Causes unseen, some 4 years ago
Haunting my very being
Destroyed by me
Forgiveness you have granted me..
I didn't deserve it.
I never had..followed this course unseen
Untrusted..many words to follow
Sleep comes peacefully
Your by my side
Pretending ...
yet you hold me in such regard
Your kiss is contagious
longing for more, yet holding back
Breathless am I, perfect is in
Tell me is this real?
You hold my heart for eternity
Yet so does he....
Lost in a shadow of doubt
Clouded by emotion
Blinded by love yet again
Causes unseen, some 4 years ago
Haunting my very being
Destroyed by me
Forgiveness you have granted me..
I didn't deserve it.
I never had..followed this course unseen
Untrusted..many words to follow
Sleep comes peacefully
Your by my side
Pretending ...
Monday, August 1, 2011
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