House Shopping/Trailer Selling

We have found the perfect house. We put a offer on it :) Excite! Now time for the incredible part...Saving Saving Saving Saving! Plus Selling Selling our place. Excite! I am working my butt off to sell this Trailer before we move if not hopefully by summer :) Nothing will stop us from getting this house it is breathtaking ! We are hopefully moving by February. I know Snow cold! Ahh perfect! It will be lots of work but we are ready :)

We lost our cat Felix this week. Sadly this was Zekes kitten. He came home with a broken jaw and had to be put to sleep infection was too bad. It seems as though someone did it. Sickos. But that also put this process in order.

Time to go back to bed..and then start the day at a proper time like 10 am

Sexy rawr for the winn

I have learned a lot of things in the past two months...It has been a combination of a lot of emotions and actions.

First and Foremost: I hate people who make excuses why the cannot do something. Mostly exercise and such...well I cannot exercise I have kids and blah blah blah. Hells Bells People. The amount of time it takes you to make up those zillion excuses...you could have already exercised. I am really sick of hearing it unless...you have a major surgery, Cancer, or Radiation your fine. I just believe that if you are so unhappy with your body than you will do anything to achieve it. Or someday you might have to make that decision that You Have To exercise because you have health issues...by then its too late..Ehh..I have lost 30 pounds and have gained so much more confidence..I look on old pictures of me and think yeah I am getting there. 30 pounds is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.

Second, I am so much into my kids. Seeing them evolve into little human beings is just amazing. We do not want any more kids..but we have a boy and girl best of both words. My son is complete on numbers, mazes, shapes...he is going to be in preschool next year and it makes me want to cry..Love them so much.

Third: I messed up real bad in August. Nothing I care to disclose but lets say I hurt a lot of people. It was out of character and it will never happen again. Mistakes happen. Its either you take charge of it or spend your whole life denying it. My friends and Husband all fully well detailed and have all forgave me. Which in my life after said incident I should have been left at the wayside. I am lucky I have a loving husband who excepts my flaws.

Forth: Restarting Supreme 90. Got all the tools and a healthy body :)

Fifth: Getting really excited about house shopping!!!!!!

Ahh..sleep has finally caught up..more to come..

Red for a little longer...

House Shopping

House Shopping!

Finally! I cannot wait to find that perfect house. We have two looking at? One with tons of land/pond beautiful 100+ years old another 100+ year victorian. We are looking into it and hopefully by next February be seriously considering a house...Can you say Fuck You Trailer...

I will be sad to leave this place. It is a nice Trailer Park..neighbors are quiet..Our home is 2 full bathrooms and 3 bedrooms..I will miss this place purley for the fact of memories...But also leaving the bad memories behind...to start anew. My kids were first taken home here...There first steps, there laughter filled the halls. I mean I am sad...but hopefully it sells fast and we will move on with another chapter of our life.

Lack of Failure

I have had the misfortune of messing up my priorities...when really the incident should not have affected me at all. Guess that is what happens when you let your guard down. That one person that can blow up your entire world with that little uncaring jester. That is guaranteed to never happen again.

So that puts me back in my reality.

Independently Happy puts me back into the reality

I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.

And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.

First and Foremost: Husband and Kids are the most important.But that is always accomplishment.

1st Priority is getting my sleep schedule back into a normal...or as normal as my body thinks so. I go to bed early I am up all morning..if I fall asleep at 3or later..I sleep til 9. I don't really know how to control it other than sleeping pills..which is something that I am against but its coming down to I do not have a choice.

2nd Priority: Exercise Exercise Exercise...I am up to running 2 miles in the morning, 6 walking miles, and Supreme 90. Yeah, I exercise a little too much, but the exercise helps with stress. Stress that is unwanted needs to be simmer downed.

So to put everything into my priorities..I have lost 30 pounds..lets get to 35 soon.

30lbs lost..

I lost 30 pounds on Friday...It feels great to see that. To experience that is unbelievable. I celebrated going to see one of our friend's band, 'Tis. I haven't seen his other band personally but I must say I am really liking this band. Needless to say my guilty pleasure is drinking, Drinking a lot. I do not get to drink normally so when given the chance I take it. Eating I hop at 2am is a common drunk thing to do. Needless to say could barely walk.

I really enjoyed myself..so It puts me back into priority...it is October. Sweet fast changing October..It is about to turn into snowy windy cold and December. Which is going to suck to run in. But Tomorrow is cleansing day. Water for 24 hours to cleanse my soul. Remove the Alcohol and any other impurities. Then a quiet run in the afternoon and 3 mile walk. Not doing Supreme 90 that day because..in fact pushing myself with no fuel is stupid.

Lately I have been loving up Supernatural, Angel, Finished Charmed, Gilmore Girls, Fringe, House, American Horror Story...Dvr has become my friend....Because between anything I am glad I get to pick times when I can watch something.

Time for sleep, and time to get this week put right on track...

This girl is beautiful

Usually when referring to myself..I have hated this body. This is not my body and honestly it can go back to its Pregnancy hell..because I gained it all during pregnancy. I looked at myself and hate it. Hate everything about it....

I am ranging 30 pounds and with help of a close friends...I actually feel pretty! I mean beautiful.

Walked 5 miles today, Ran 2 miles, and did Supreme 90

because I AM me

29.8 pounds

Here I am...Here I stand...

Febraury 13th I was crying on a couch because I couldn't lose any weight. So depressed and unseeing.

Here it is: October 7th and I have lost 29.8 pounds...that is right almost 30 pounds...that is just awesome.

In 13.6 more pounds I will be under 200...that all together at that point I will be a 43 pounds lost...THAT IS FRICKIN AWESOME.

13 pounds though could take up to 2-3 months to lose..the right way. Do not want to lose it to fast.

Haven't had pop in forever, even when going out I get water. I won't lie still eat candy corn, oreos, and eat out...but it is in moderation. Really a lot of moderation..I like losing weight when I reach my goal..where do I go from there...its just an amazing thought. I will be toning..not just losing weight.
I have a long way to go...but for sure..29.8 pounds was a lot of hard work...but guess what I am here.

pms sucks

So I stepped on my scale on Monday and got so pissed off. I mean extremely past the limit of wanting to smash something. After 6 weeks losing only 2.4 pounds just plain pissed me off. I mean I lost inches and fat but was not prepared for that. You have no idea. But then I remembered PMS will mess with the scale..so today I got on the scale and have lost 6.4 pounds...that is so much of a nicer number! I am up to 29.0 pounds, which means I almost got to my goal of losing 10 pounds before October. I hope to lose 6 more pounds before November. If I weigh under 200 by January that would be awesome..Only 14.4 more pounds.

Supreme 90 starts today!

The Calm ...Blue October

I remember about easily 4-5 years ago sitting next to David in Ben's Black Scion listening to Blue October...Okay Blaring out of control Blue October at first I hated it. You could not even hear yourself think. Listening up to 3 hours of non-stop Blare, yes I should be use to this. My dad is the same way. This was a foreign musical band..I had never heard or at least I thought I had never heard of them...
Calling You came on in that car and started my love for Blue October..Probably the most truest love song ever.

"I thought that the world had lost it's sway It's so hard sometimes Then I fell in love with you
Then came you And you took that away It's not so difficult The world is not so difficult...And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you" Calling You_Blue October.

Then came Hate me which at that time extremely expressed every emotion I felt all the time.

"Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you" Hate Me_Blue October.

I think this band has expressed every raw emotion I have ever felt. Listening to Blue October calms my nerves and lets me think. Most of the time I just get frustrated trying to sort through the mess inside my brain. It is hard balancing so much and still come up disastrously perfect.

"I'm glad to say that we've met But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't On our side" What If we Could

"My words they don't come out right But I'll try to say I'm happy for you I think I'm going to take that drive I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years My heart" Congratulations

A great song to all of my mistakes that pain me:
"It's the guilt of what reality has given me Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity And when you're sick you seem to think You've failed eternally And that the people you let in are only crumbling When you're sick of faking life in this recovery When my decision paved the road That lies in front of me So to my friends that even call but I don't call back I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will" Overweight

"Its proof to show that I bleed for this And I'd cut myself the shame To get to know this masochist
Who has stolen my first name" Pulled my wire through my cheek

"I'm reaching farther than I ever have before Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy We may be some sort of crazy But I swear on everything I have and more"
Sound of Pulling Heaven down

Easily David and I song. We have this one engraved on our very souls.
"I close my eyes and I smile Knowing that everything is alrightI knew it from the start So my arms are open wide Your head is on my stomach And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah" 18th floor balcony

"It's all about esteem It's all about dreams It's all about making the best out of everything
You'll know when you're fine Cause you'll talk like a mine" Say It

The past of this year is cryptic
"And I could only dream of you and sleep, But I never see sunlight again, I can try to be with you, but some how I'll end up just losing a friend, And I can only reach for you Relate to you,
I'm losing my friend..."My never

At one point I was an anger at everyone in my life. ...so much hurt me and effected me...I was anger at god, I was disappointed with everyone. ... Explains a lot...
"Stop staring, you're the reason I feel so unhappy all the time, look I've given you everything I know how Your standing on the top of my shoe Your keeping me from gaining ground Look I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down.I should be loved by you, That I know is true I can't breathe when you're around! No, I should be held at night That I know is right I can't breathe when you're around!
You're too scared, scared of all of it I get that feeling I'm talking to the wall" Should be Loved

"Yeah I'm scared of death And I'm scared of living I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving I misplaced my trust" Picking up the Pieces

This song is just plain a motivation and one very close to me
"You have to hold your head up high and Watch all the negative go by Don't you ever be ashamed to cry You go ahead Cuz life's like a jump rope I want to tell you that everything will be okay
That everything will eventually turn itself to gold Keep pushin through it all Don't follow, lead the way Don't lose yourself or your hope" Jump Rope

So much these lyrics bring me to that emotional plateau...
"I've been to both knees Raise my hands up to the skies, forgive me Is something out there far beyond the clouds? I'm asking help me It's time to wake up, time to make up Time to shake these memories It's time to leave the past in the past And lace up a new set of shoestrings" Blue Skies

"Describe the pain That choked your reality It's all in your mind he said You have to go graceful dancing" Graceful Dancing

"While I can't be anything but who I am" The feel again

I love this song..Period
"We both know who we are And I'm not changing a thing,
I've never changed before If lovin' me is work, I'm not a job to take I think we're headin' for the crazy-making heartbreak I'm wonderin' why I'm sittin' here, alone again Why you always crush me,
Why it's never easy Easy, easy, easy, it's not easy"The money Tree

"Why do I only feel the chills when I'm with you? I only hear your words that you say are true But you keep thinking it over, thinking it over, You can catch me if you wanted to, oh" The Chills

"Did he really get to take you home? I'm surprised that you chose him.

"I don't wanna give you my heart If you're not completing it I'm blown away at how your family
Your friends just accept it though No one's ever told you "no" Can't expect you to know how to love
When it was somethin' you were never taught" The Honesty

I really love them..I can honestly say I do not hate a single song they have wrote..time to drift back into the musical lyrics

Hiking: Small Victory.

15.5 miles of pure nature...well mostly exclude the some cars, walking on a desolated road covered in nature, horses, a handful of people, bridges, and some trash..and you have Oak Openings. It was literally covered all of oak opening.


Time Started :7:30a.m. It was 39 degrees outside, can you say cold.Had our Nutrigrain bars, water, First aid kit, and hoodies. We prepared. It was so nice and quiet, on the first 8 miles we saw tons of deer and absolutely no humans. It was nice that for once in a long time, just my husband and I trekking along. The best part we left at dark and watched the sun rise on the forest.

By the way, chipmunks make one hell of an annoying noises. Oh yeah almost got killed by a black walnut..that for sure was fun..David saw a running leaves... We were tired! The first 8 went super fast! The last two miles seemed to drag on!