I have tried all in all never to be Vain. But in fact I falter.
Take this as you will I do not look at others and judge. Judging is for the people who truly see people how the want to see them. Not getting to know them first. By my outward appearance I have thick thighs, still have birthing hips and some stomach. I acquired this body after having 2 kids..almost a year and 2 weeks apart. I also have boobs...that seem to peek out whenever they can. I have e or triple d's there honestly is nothing I can do. I have on occasion all kinds of colors in my hair..at the moment it is blood Red. Last week it was Orange, Brown and Blonde. I think 2 weeks before that it was black..It defines my moods. But wearing T-shirts with Emo print, wearing very Victorian style clothes, having lines, stripes, stars, Gir, Electric green, Pink, Black...that is me. I also have a display of 32 loving scars from cutting in my teenage years. (Liking the feel and pain of it, NOT wanting to kill Myself.You would be surprised on how many people even knew I cut)
Does all this equal an unfit mother? In the eyes of some, yes. I remember going into labor with my son and the nurse asking me about my scars and how I was going to deal with stress. I just simply looked at her and said"Those are my past, they remind me simply of who I am." My daughter is constantly in dresses and very cute clothes. She has the hugest Anime-eyes you have ever seen. My son can currently count to 10, knows all his letters, and says almost every word. Go in their rooms and you will see some spoiled children and to put it simply they barley play with their toys at all. I love them more than life. I love reading to them, being with them, sleeping, cuddling, all the best things of being a mother.
Judging is something I may not do to others but to myself I cannot be that nice. I get up everyday and stand in front of the mirror..rubbing my bio-oil on my stretch marks. They are lightning..it also has been 3 weeks and the minimum is 3 months. I judge every inch of my body. I am painfully aware of my entire existence of muscles and tendons. I have moved up to 8 lb weights. I am working on day 7 of supreme 90 and it is one of those things you have gone to far to stop but your body at times wishes for the pain to stop. I have not been on my scale in over two months and last time I checked I had lost 35 pounds. So I guess I can be very vain about myself. I deserve to be. Plus I love buying new clothes.
We all have our faults..lets all just judge ourselves before judging others.... But its okay to be vain when you work so hard for it and ..oh yeah I am very arrogant most of the time
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My Bittersweet Ending
...Underneath the mistletoe hold me tight and kiss me slowly..Got my halo on and know what I want :)...
It is December, my brain keeps just screaming it is almost time for the refresh on life to kick on and start living again. It is a bitter sweet feeling. 2011 is almost over. A startling 3 weeks and boom! 2012 will begin.
This year has been over the top complicated, insane, and even crazy at times. This year started off with me thinking that some relationships in my life were not working out. Seeing someone fail over and over is destructive. That person I have seen grow so much in my life and I am glad to call him my Husband. He is my Bunny. He hates that nickname but dammit I will still call him that. This March I lost (mentally) a best friend of 6 years, yes it was tough but when you pick to abandon all your friends..There was nothing I could do. Maybe it was for the best. That was a huge heart breaker. But I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. The part inside of me that got cracked could only be healed piece by piece. I handle it, burned myself to the ground. Self destructed...Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel was doubtful. Because of this I gave up a friend of 8 years...that we were extremely close.
This year I learned Confidence again...I learned the worth I am. I burned myself and pushed past all my limitations. Learned what it is to be completely in love with a man, who utterly does everything for me. I found and sought forgiveness from my friends and husband.I survive the journey everyday of pushing myself to the stars and beyond. I introduced my Best friend to my friend I have know since 6 grade. Played just dance til I got better when Drunk. I have bought a house. That is an accomplishment that we achieved with hard work. Got a small dog and I am in love with her! I cannot forget my reason for living Ezeckial and Lorilye are my greatest accomplishment in this world. They give me a reason to wake up everyday :)
This year I have learned a lot about myself. Honestly, this year has some of the best lessons I will ever learn. I realized that my friends are so understandable! The understand me and hearing over and over about how special I am to them and hearing how much they need me. I need them just as much. David is the only guy I will ever need, and I am glad to call him Mine!
This is my Bitter sweet ending...But I fell apart and got back up again. Barley breathing but I did it. 2012 is already looking brighter...
It is December, my brain keeps just screaming it is almost time for the refresh on life to kick on and start living again. It is a bitter sweet feeling. 2011 is almost over. A startling 3 weeks and boom! 2012 will begin.
This year has been over the top complicated, insane, and even crazy at times. This year started off with me thinking that some relationships in my life were not working out. Seeing someone fail over and over is destructive. That person I have seen grow so much in my life and I am glad to call him my Husband. He is my Bunny. He hates that nickname but dammit I will still call him that. This March I lost (mentally) a best friend of 6 years, yes it was tough but when you pick to abandon all your friends..There was nothing I could do. Maybe it was for the best. That was a huge heart breaker. But I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. The part inside of me that got cracked could only be healed piece by piece. I handle it, burned myself to the ground. Self destructed...Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel was doubtful. Because of this I gave up a friend of 8 years...that we were extremely close.
This year I learned Confidence again...I learned the worth I am. I burned myself and pushed past all my limitations. Learned what it is to be completely in love with a man, who utterly does everything for me. I found and sought forgiveness from my friends and husband.I survive the journey everyday of pushing myself to the stars and beyond. I introduced my Best friend to my friend I have know since 6 grade. Played just dance til I got better when Drunk. I have bought a house. That is an accomplishment that we achieved with hard work. Got a small dog and I am in love with her! I cannot forget my reason for living Ezeckial and Lorilye are my greatest accomplishment in this world. They give me a reason to wake up everyday :)
This year I have learned a lot about myself. Honestly, this year has some of the best lessons I will ever learn. I realized that my friends are so understandable! The understand me and hearing over and over about how special I am to them and hearing how much they need me. I need them just as much. David is the only guy I will ever need, and I am glad to call him Mine!
This is my Bitter sweet ending...But I fell apart and got back up again. Barley breathing but I did it. 2012 is already looking brighter...
Monday, December 5, 2011
Judging...in process...
Judging people is a horrid thing in this society. We as humans learn to Hate because it is just plain easier. Rumors swirl around our heads like a unintentional dust cloud. How can you spread Rumors about someone when your hatred got in the way of actually getting to know this person. I went through this in the past because Jealousy does the same thing. I do not care to judge anyone unless the point is valid. Like YOU were actually in the Situation that caused it. Then yes judge away. We are Human.
I was in a situation where I was the nicest person but still jealously was a leading factor in this girl trying to destroy my life. Its sad when people think those things and then get to know you :) Because the fact is one of my Best friends was not corrupted and I am so glad he is there. It also comes to a situation that I was half-hazardly involved in. Cheating is something I understand. When you get married and have an affair I pretty much think you really need to get things in check with your issues. You took the vows...so stick to them. Realistic...well no..not in this world anyway. But in this instance...a marriage was broken..An affair. I babysat the child of this broken marriage and it was so hard not to be involved. Being there for a friend and then having to deal with the other party. Hatred didn't want me to get along with them. At first it was fine and then the hatred grew for both sides insulting each other. The Guy works with David. I have always been against causing David drama. I would not try to do anything to anyone at his work not even comments.
Christmas Party came up. I hate them. I do not know "I know them just don't ever talk to any of them" anyone there. This is a time for me to sit there quietly and feel awkward. This time joking with Davids coworkers and then was public attention when Chicken thrown into my boobs. < Hibachi grill> I was determined to be miserable. I made sure I was different then all the others pulling that Christmas sweater out of the closet and wearing it. I made sure my hair was chomped. Blazing with brown, Reds and Blondes. Wore Emo hoodie..because in fact that is who I am. Plus my boob(e) was in full blaze...let me tell you even buying a decent shirt a little low cut..E Boobs are like hello. If you wear a Tshirt they look ten times bigger. You just cannot win. Anyway, I was determined to get drunk finish up the day and just move on. I had a fun time. Maybe it was having decent(?) people around me and well three martinis. Then going to a comedy club. (3 more) but the person that I had issues with, my husband seems to really actually like being around. Which makes me the bad guy. David does agree how bad everything got, the position I was in was hard. He knows my point of mind. I just sat there thinking " Dear God, am I doing something bad here"
So I went to walmart...did something that is out of character for me. Even though I disliked someone I casted it all aside and acknowledged that relationship. We even made contact and you could see it in both of our faces that it was the "this is awkward" But I started the conversation and he even offered to help us move...It may seem insignificant..to most. But for me it was like wow, I can do this for David. Not because He asked me to, but for myself as well.
David has never tried to change anything about me. He loves the random and sometimes ends up loving the not so random. He hates my temper but then loves it when I stand up for something I believe in. My stubborness is a curse..but it also can cause great things. He is my husband, the only person I really have to please besides my kids. If I make him happy, I am happy in turn. I hate people that judge he for what he does. It amazes me how much he can forgive and how nice he can be even to the biggest jerks.
This year is coming to a end..very fast. I may shut my eyes and it will be January 1st. I am ending this year on a sigh. This year I did things I am proud of, things I regret, Things that got forgiven, To say goodbye is bittersweet. The first I am determined to tip my iceberg and swim ashore. Still being me just striving to balance all the right things. Sometimes its hard to find that balance. Sometimes hiding and ignoring the world around yourself. Makes everything become in perspective. Brings tears to my eyes..all I have accomplish and all I will accomplished.
This is my last couple months in this house. The house that I spent 2 pregnancies through. The place where my two toddlers started walking across the floor. The adventures of raising children. The first words here. Davids first christmas with a real tree. Last time we started this adventure meeting at the fair. The second big thing was started at a TGIF table. When we got that call and our life was changing. SO much has happened here. It is almost selfish to hold onto it. This place is amazing. This life is amazing. I am not dying and I have so much to live for. All the right places and all the right friends.
I was in a situation where I was the nicest person but still jealously was a leading factor in this girl trying to destroy my life. Its sad when people think those things and then get to know you :) Because the fact is one of my Best friends was not corrupted and I am so glad he is there. It also comes to a situation that I was half-hazardly involved in. Cheating is something I understand. When you get married and have an affair I pretty much think you really need to get things in check with your issues. You took the vows...so stick to them. Realistic...well no..not in this world anyway. But in this instance...a marriage was broken..An affair. I babysat the child of this broken marriage and it was so hard not to be involved. Being there for a friend and then having to deal with the other party. Hatred didn't want me to get along with them. At first it was fine and then the hatred grew for both sides insulting each other. The Guy works with David. I have always been against causing David drama. I would not try to do anything to anyone at his work not even comments.
Christmas Party came up. I hate them. I do not know "I know them just don't ever talk to any of them" anyone there. This is a time for me to sit there quietly and feel awkward. This time joking with Davids coworkers and then was public attention when Chicken thrown into my boobs. < Hibachi grill> I was determined to be miserable. I made sure I was different then all the others pulling that Christmas sweater out of the closet and wearing it. I made sure my hair was chomped. Blazing with brown, Reds and Blondes. Wore Emo hoodie..because in fact that is who I am. Plus my boob(e) was in full blaze...let me tell you even buying a decent shirt a little low cut..E Boobs are like hello. If you wear a Tshirt they look ten times bigger. You just cannot win. Anyway, I was determined to get drunk finish up the day and just move on. I had a fun time. Maybe it was having decent(?) people around me and well three martinis. Then going to a comedy club. (3 more) but the person that I had issues with, my husband seems to really actually like being around. Which makes me the bad guy. David does agree how bad everything got, the position I was in was hard. He knows my point of mind. I just sat there thinking " Dear God, am I doing something bad here"
So I went to walmart...did something that is out of character for me. Even though I disliked someone I casted it all aside and acknowledged that relationship. We even made contact and you could see it in both of our faces that it was the "this is awkward" But I started the conversation and he even offered to help us move...It may seem insignificant..to most. But for me it was like wow, I can do this for David. Not because He asked me to, but for myself as well.
David has never tried to change anything about me. He loves the random and sometimes ends up loving the not so random. He hates my temper but then loves it when I stand up for something I believe in. My stubborness is a curse..but it also can cause great things. He is my husband, the only person I really have to please besides my kids. If I make him happy, I am happy in turn. I hate people that judge he for what he does. It amazes me how much he can forgive and how nice he can be even to the biggest jerks.
This year is coming to a end..very fast. I may shut my eyes and it will be January 1st. I am ending this year on a sigh. This year I did things I am proud of, things I regret, Things that got forgiven, To say goodbye is bittersweet. The first I am determined to tip my iceberg and swim ashore. Still being me just striving to balance all the right things. Sometimes its hard to find that balance. Sometimes hiding and ignoring the world around yourself. Makes everything become in perspective. Brings tears to my eyes..all I have accomplish and all I will accomplished.
This is my last couple months in this house. The house that I spent 2 pregnancies through. The place where my two toddlers started walking across the floor. The adventures of raising children. The first words here. Davids first christmas with a real tree. Last time we started this adventure meeting at the fair. The second big thing was started at a TGIF table. When we got that call and our life was changing. SO much has happened here. It is almost selfish to hold onto it. This place is amazing. This life is amazing. I am not dying and I have so much to live for. All the right places and all the right friends.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Just Plain Life
Black Friday. Those words already express the optional day of stress. Last year while in Kentucky and we decided to do this day at 5a.m. and at this time wasn't really bad and really it was worth 5 seasons of house for $10 each. So this year we really braved it..Got a babysitter and we headed out at 12am. As we passed Target there was a line that extended past the front to the side and the back. By the way its easily in the 30's yeah well I wasn't standing in that line. We went into walmart and got some Christmas Presents for Lori. While in Walmart we got to hear about a stabbing at Toysrus and a fight at Best Buy. Seriously, this shows what humanity is coming too. I guess going to jail was worth that toy that you will not get anyway. We had a great deal on Zekes toys at Toysrus. So overall I met gracious people and long lines...heck we did not get home til about 4am. Spent a decent amount of money but tis Christmas season. :) Oh yes, the husband got me the new Spryo Skylanders even though I am banned from playing it until Christmas It has been fun trying to find all the character and all the extra worlds. But I cannot wait to play it!
Christmas Season..is always tough on me. The one question..."What does my husband want for Christmas?" When asked he tells me he already has everything he needs. My husband does not watch sports, does not play games unless forced too( he hates Just Dances), he already has all the tools he needs, and lastly all his guitar stuff and amps...So leaves me going what the hell. But with the new house coming into our possession in January, I think getting him a huge tool box will be the big here you go. Since I am the one who organizes most of the tools anyway. Or maybe another Wedding Band his other one got left in Mansfield at our friend, Williams Wedding :(
I have started to get over my little bit of depression I was feeling about my mistakes. Mistakes always happen and it just depends on the brilliant people in your life that remind you how amazing you really are :)Plus we can all sit and judge or look into the brighter side of life. I love..no adore the brighter side of my life. The dark side is like monsters reaching out to draw me into the cobwebs of the past. Not appeasing at all. We all have that side of us. Working out is my sedative for that side. The more I workout the happier I feel, without working out I feel like I am failing. So the little bit of selfish, painstaking paths I take make me happy. What can I say easily dealt. < I never wanted to play what was meant to screw me up> When given that option to start anew..it should always be taken regardless of the mistake. I have become as in the words of Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb.
This Thanksgiving reminded me how much I love my family. Most of my family lives in Nebraska. My uncle is North Carolina, Aunt is in Kansas, Grandma is in Akron, brothers in Put in bay and Tennessee. My closes family is in Michigan. Which is about an hour drive easily. My parents and my grandparents live there. But as always I will always be reminded no matter the distance we are always family. Which does not really bother me for my family to be that far away. I do not hate them, I just savor those moments together more. I have Davids family of course they are all pretty much around here or in Indiana. I want my kids to always feel like they can let go and no matter the distance we are always going to be there for them. Too many people take their kids for granted. I know how precious life is...I want to have no regrets...and Gosh I love my little Monsters <3
I keep seeing this world moving while I stumble. I can't pretend to be anyone else. My personality defines me to a T. I cannot pretend to be friends with anyone I cannot stand. I cannot help but express my opinion even when It hurts people. When I want something I get it because purely I want it. Its funny to me the people that pretend...then they wonder why they are so stressed. Trust me I have enough problems to hurt somebody's brain and I wouldn't change that. Not even for one mistake to be changed. The world must keep moving and nobody is perfect. To much time left but at the same time way too short. Even for all my downfalls, my selfishness and non-communication, I have always proved to be trustworthy and supportive for my friends,husband, and Kiddos. That is really all life is about. Thank You Monday...You remind me of me.
Christmas Season..is always tough on me. The one question..."What does my husband want for Christmas?" When asked he tells me he already has everything he needs. My husband does not watch sports, does not play games unless forced too( he hates Just Dances), he already has all the tools he needs, and lastly all his guitar stuff and amps...So leaves me going what the hell. But with the new house coming into our possession in January, I think getting him a huge tool box will be the big here you go. Since I am the one who organizes most of the tools anyway. Or maybe another Wedding Band his other one got left in Mansfield at our friend, Williams Wedding :(
I have started to get over my little bit of depression I was feeling about my mistakes. Mistakes always happen and it just depends on the brilliant people in your life that remind you how amazing you really are :)Plus we can all sit and judge or look into the brighter side of life. I love..no adore the brighter side of my life. The dark side is like monsters reaching out to draw me into the cobwebs of the past. Not appeasing at all. We all have that side of us. Working out is my sedative for that side. The more I workout the happier I feel, without working out I feel like I am failing. So the little bit of selfish, painstaking paths I take make me happy. What can I say easily dealt. < I never wanted to play what was meant to screw me up> When given that option to start anew..it should always be taken regardless of the mistake. I have become as in the words of Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb.
This Thanksgiving reminded me how much I love my family. Most of my family lives in Nebraska. My uncle is North Carolina, Aunt is in Kansas, Grandma is in Akron, brothers in Put in bay and Tennessee. My closes family is in Michigan. Which is about an hour drive easily. My parents and my grandparents live there. But as always I will always be reminded no matter the distance we are always family. Which does not really bother me for my family to be that far away. I do not hate them, I just savor those moments together more. I have Davids family of course they are all pretty much around here or in Indiana. I want my kids to always feel like they can let go and no matter the distance we are always going to be there for them. Too many people take their kids for granted. I know how precious life is...I want to have no regrets...and Gosh I love my little Monsters <3
I keep seeing this world moving while I stumble. I can't pretend to be anyone else. My personality defines me to a T. I cannot pretend to be friends with anyone I cannot stand. I cannot help but express my opinion even when It hurts people. When I want something I get it because purely I want it. Its funny to me the people that pretend...then they wonder why they are so stressed. Trust me I have enough problems to hurt somebody's brain and I wouldn't change that. Not even for one mistake to be changed. The world must keep moving and nobody is perfect. To much time left but at the same time way too short. Even for all my downfalls, my selfishness and non-communication, I have always proved to be trustworthy and supportive for my friends,husband, and Kiddos. That is really all life is about. Thank You Monday...You remind me of me.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Busy is an understatement
This week, month has been crazy!
Three weeks ago, I came home to a horrid thing. My sons cat, Felix had a broken jaw and a bad infection. We assume the way it looked somebody hit/kicked him in the face. His jaw was broken in the middle and it was so very hard to see him like this. He was an inside/outside cat due to the fact Smokey and Finn are outside cats. So we decided we were not getting another cat. So we got a puppy! Her name is Tiara and she is a Mini Schnauzer/Pekingese/Shit-zu. This is my first small dog...ever! I am liking the experience and a plus my 2 Alaskan Malamutes adore her! So it is going great.
We are closing on a house ! Can you say exciting. 5 acres, 3/4 pond 5 bedrooms Country House! Beautiful. Finishing up this huge process!
Lorilye is plain Adorable
We will be moving by Jan or Beginning of Feb! Life is great :)
Three weeks ago, I came home to a horrid thing. My sons cat, Felix had a broken jaw and a bad infection. We assume the way it looked somebody hit/kicked him in the face. His jaw was broken in the middle and it was so very hard to see him like this. He was an inside/outside cat due to the fact Smokey and Finn are outside cats. So we decided we were not getting another cat. So we got a puppy! Her name is Tiara and she is a Mini Schnauzer/Pekingese/Shit-zu. This is my first small dog...ever! I am liking the experience and a plus my 2 Alaskan Malamutes adore her! So it is going great.
We are closing on a house ! Can you say exciting. 5 acres, 3/4 pond 5 bedrooms Country House! Beautiful. Finishing up this huge process!
Lorilye is plain Adorable
We will be moving by Jan or Beginning of Feb! Life is great :)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
We know its never simple, Never Easy
Lately I have felt very heartless...is it my fault maybe...like 60%. Sometimes thing or maybe people make love almost unbearable. Its almost like I do not believe in love anymore. This does not mean anything is wrong with my relationship or anything with my life. But loves like getting on my nerves. Maybe its Divorce every 5 seconds in this country or maybe the one day relationships that they are so in love and broke up a month later. Who knows. Also maybe since music seems to make my mood. Its probably that. Maybe the lack of faith in people. Its the side of me that I have always loved and hate. It protects me from caring. If you get me to trust you can basically put a Mortar and blow up my walls. Trust is very hard for me to believe in anyway. I do not give it lightly. Get specially annoyed when I know a person is lying to me(just juvenile things) and I just shake my head.
Love in this society is either head in the heels or murder with looks. Its sick really. Keep your love to the person you want to be with. If not you might as well be starting the drama in your life. Get your heart broken with nobody available. Trust me the subject is very uncomfortable. I am glad my friends and my husband aren't surprised by my negligent acts.I have been destroyed once in my life. Destroyed, Bloody, Mauled heart open so everyone could see. But being the one whobreaks destroys somebody's heart has always been me. I guess that sounds pretty heartless. True Nature I guess. When things get great its always the best time to have that moment. The experience I have put in my own life..gave my a perspective. It sheltered the What ifs and it also put me on both sides of the fence. Also made me realize what confidence I really do have in myself, put the past in its rightful place, and made me have more insight to who I am. Some people may say what I did was just others would very much disapprove.
Do I feel anything I did was wrong...ehh...I am up in the air..It put my relationship in better terms.But it is also great that I am an honest person...regardless of what I do. Honestly heals a lot of wounds...Having nothing to hide. It was already amazing now it is Disastrously Perfect The last 2 months have been amazing for me...I am buying a beautiful new home. We already peaking onto Closing. ...It is everything I could imagine and more. It is our home....We both want this..just a lot stressful. Paperwork, Inspectors, 50 million people. We also got a new dog. I have never owned a little dog in my entire life. So I took a jump for it..I now own a pekingese/Shit-zu/Mini Schnauzer. She is adorable and is always cuddling with someone. Life is getting so much better and I cannot wait to live in my house.
Some Lyrical Saints:
Wide Awake, My mistake,So predictable. You were fake, I was Great, nothing personal. I'm walking, who's laughing now? A pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price. I'm gonna break your little heart, watch you take the fall Laughing all the way to the hospital Cause there's nothing surgery can do When I break your little heart in two. Sew yourself shut, Now your begging for more...Don't be so sentimental,no. This is love is accidental, so Give it up This was never meant to be More than a memory for you
Manage me, I'm a mess. I wanna be laughed at, Laughed with Just because. But I'm stuck in this fricking rut waiting on a second hand pick me up And I'm over, getting older. Maybe it's not my weekend But its gonna be my year. And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere And this is my reaction To everything I fear Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here. I wanna feel reckless. I wanna live it up Just Because...Just Because
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical I have the tendency of getting very physical So watch your step 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle.When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control Does it thrill Does it sting When you feel what I bring And you wish that you had me to hold
Love in this society is either head in the heels or murder with looks. Its sick really. Keep your love to the person you want to be with. If not you might as well be starting the drama in your life. Get your heart broken with nobody available. Trust me the subject is very uncomfortable. I am glad my friends and my husband aren't surprised by my negligent acts.I have been destroyed once in my life. Destroyed, Bloody, Mauled heart open so everyone could see. But being the one who
Do I feel anything I did was wrong...ehh...I am up in the air..It put my relationship in better terms.But it is also great that I am an honest person...regardless of what I do. Honestly heals a lot of wounds...Having nothing to hide. It was already amazing now it is Disastrously Perfect The last 2 months have been amazing for me...I am buying a beautiful new home. We already peaking onto Closing. ...It is everything I could imagine and more. It is our home....We both want this..just a lot stressful. Paperwork, Inspectors, 50 million people. We also got a new dog. I have never owned a little dog in my entire life. So I took a jump for it..I now own a pekingese/Shit-zu/Mini Schnauzer. She is adorable and is always cuddling with someone. Life is getting so much better and I cannot wait to live in my house.
Some Lyrical Saints:
Wide Awake, My mistake,So predictable. You were fake, I was Great, nothing personal. I'm walking, who's laughing now? A pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price. I'm gonna break your little heart, watch you take the fall Laughing all the way to the hospital Cause there's nothing surgery can do When I break your little heart in two. Sew yourself shut, Now your begging for more...Don't be so sentimental,no. This is love is accidental, so Give it up This was never meant to be More than a memory for you
Manage me, I'm a mess. I wanna be laughed at, Laughed with Just because. But I'm stuck in this fricking rut waiting on a second hand pick me up And I'm over, getting older. Maybe it's not my weekend But its gonna be my year. And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere And this is my reaction To everything I fear Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here. I wanna feel reckless. I wanna live it up Just Because...Just Because
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical I have the tendency of getting very physical So watch your step 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle.When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control Does it thrill Does it sting When you feel what I bring And you wish that you had me to hold
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Messy
So my life is one big crazy mess. I have always lived by the words if it is meant to be it will be. So I guess buying a house was meant to be. The house is perfect more details after 45 days..but it is perfect for our family and animals included. The trailer has been sold. Took a week and a half but it is sold. So that gives us the time to fix it up and slowly get things done. The closing is going right as planned and having 3 different people into one is stressful. But Inspector calling today so we get one more thing out of our way.
Happy Souls Day :)
Happy Souls Day :)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
House Shopping/Trailer Selling
We have found the perfect house. We put a offer on it :) Excite! Now time for the incredible part...Saving Saving Saving Saving! Plus Selling Selling our place. Excite! I am working my butt off to sell this Trailer before we move if not hopefully by summer :) Nothing will stop us from getting this house it is breathtaking ! We are hopefully moving by February. I know Snow cold! Ahh perfect! It will be lots of work but we are ready :)
We lost our cat Felix this week. Sadly this was Zekes kitten. He came home with a broken jaw and had to be put to sleep infection was too bad. It seems as though someone did it. Sickos. But that also put this process in order.
Time to go back to bed..and then start the day at a proper time like 10 am
We lost our cat Felix this week. Sadly this was Zekes kitten. He came home with a broken jaw and had to be put to sleep infection was too bad. It seems as though someone did it. Sickos. But that also put this process in order.
Time to go back to bed..and then start the day at a proper time like 10 am
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Sexy rawr for the winn
I have learned a lot of things in the past two months...It has been a combination of a lot of emotions and actions.
First and Foremost: I hate people who make excuses why the cannot do something. Mostly exercise and such...well I cannot exercise I have kids and blah blah blah. Hells Bells People. The amount of time it takes you to make up those zillion excuses...you could have already exercised. I am really sick of hearing it unless...you have a major surgery, Cancer, or Radiation your fine. I just believe that if you are so unhappy with your body than you will do anything to achieve it. Or someday you might have to make that decision that You Have To exercise because you have health issues...by then its too late..Ehh..I have lost 30 pounds and have gained so much more confidence..I look on old pictures of me and think yeah I am getting there. 30 pounds is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.
Second, I am so much into my kids. Seeing them evolve into little human beings is just amazing. We do not want any more kids..but we have a boy and girl best of both words. My son is complete on numbers, mazes, shapes...he is going to be in preschool next year and it makes me want to cry..Love them so much.
Third: I messed up real bad in August. Nothing I care to disclose but lets say I hurt a lot of people. It was out of character and it will never happen again. Mistakes happen. Its either you take charge of it or spend your whole life denying it. My friends and Husband all fully well detailed and have all forgave me. Which in my life after said incident I should have been left at the wayside. I am lucky I have a loving husband who excepts my flaws.
Forth: Restarting Supreme 90. Got all the tools and a healthy body :)
Fifth: Getting really excited about house shopping!!!!!!
Ahh..sleep has finally caught up..more to come..
First and Foremost: I hate people who make excuses why the cannot do something. Mostly exercise and such...well I cannot exercise I have kids and blah blah blah. Hells Bells People. The amount of time it takes you to make up those zillion excuses...you could have already exercised. I am really sick of hearing it unless...you have a major surgery, Cancer, or Radiation your fine. I just believe that if you are so unhappy with your body than you will do anything to achieve it. Or someday you might have to make that decision that You Have To exercise because you have health issues...by then its too late..Ehh..I have lost 30 pounds and have gained so much more confidence..I look on old pictures of me and think yeah I am getting there. 30 pounds is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.
Second, I am so much into my kids. Seeing them evolve into little human beings is just amazing. We do not want any more kids..but we have a boy and girl best of both words. My son is complete on numbers, mazes, shapes...he is going to be in preschool next year and it makes me want to cry..Love them so much.
Third: I messed up real bad in August. Nothing I care to disclose but lets say I hurt a lot of people. It was out of character and it will never happen again. Mistakes happen. Its either you take charge of it or spend your whole life denying it. My friends and Husband all fully well detailed and have all forgave me. Which in my life after said incident I should have been left at the wayside. I am lucky I have a loving husband who excepts my flaws.
Forth: Restarting Supreme 90. Got all the tools and a healthy body :)
Fifth: Getting really excited about house shopping!!!!!!
Ahh..sleep has finally caught up..more to come..
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
House Shopping
House Shopping!
Finally! I cannot wait to find that perfect house. We have two looking at? One with tons of land/pond beautiful 100+ years old another 100+ year victorian. We are looking into it and hopefully by next February be seriously considering a house...Can you say Fuck You Trailer...
I will be sad to leave this place. It is a nice Trailer Park..neighbors are quiet..Our home is 2 full bathrooms and 3 bedrooms..I will miss this place purley for the fact of memories...But also leaving the bad memories behind...to start anew. My kids were first taken home here...There first steps, there laughter filled the halls. I mean I am sad...but hopefully it sells fast and we will move on with another chapter of our life.
Finally! I cannot wait to find that perfect house. We have two looking at? One with tons of land/pond beautiful 100+ years old another 100+ year victorian. We are looking into it and hopefully by next February be seriously considering a house...Can you say Fuck You Trailer...
I will be sad to leave this place. It is a nice Trailer Park..neighbors are quiet..Our home is 2 full bathrooms and 3 bedrooms..I will miss this place purley for the fact of memories...But also leaving the bad memories behind...to start anew. My kids were first taken home here...There first steps, there laughter filled the halls. I mean I am sad...but hopefully it sells fast and we will move on with another chapter of our life.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Lack of Failure
I have had the misfortune of messing up my priorities...when really the incident should not have affected me at all. Guess that is what happens when you let your guard down. That one person that can blow up your entire world with that little uncaring jester. That is guaranteed to never happen again.
So that puts me back in my reality.
Independently Happy puts me back into the reality
I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.
And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.
First and Foremost: Husband and Kids are the most important.But that is always accomplishment.
1st Priority is getting my sleep schedule back into a normal...or as normal as my body thinks so. I go to bed early I am up all morning..if I fall asleep at 3or later..I sleep til 9. I don't really know how to control it other than sleeping pills..which is something that I am against but its coming down to I do not have a choice.
2nd Priority: Exercise Exercise Exercise...I am up to running 2 miles in the morning, 6 walking miles, and Supreme 90. Yeah, I exercise a little too much, but the exercise helps with stress. Stress that is unwanted needs to be simmer downed.
So to put everything into my priorities..I have lost 30 pounds..lets get to 35 soon.
So that puts me back in my reality.
Independently Happy puts me back into the reality
I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.
And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.
First and Foremost: Husband and Kids are the most important.But that is always accomplishment.
1st Priority is getting my sleep schedule back into a normal...or as normal as my body thinks so. I go to bed early I am up all morning..if I fall asleep at 3or later..I sleep til 9. I don't really know how to control it other than sleeping pills..which is something that I am against but its coming down to I do not have a choice.
2nd Priority: Exercise Exercise Exercise...I am up to running 2 miles in the morning, 6 walking miles, and Supreme 90. Yeah, I exercise a little too much, but the exercise helps with stress. Stress that is unwanted needs to be simmer downed.
So to put everything into my priorities..I have lost 30 pounds..lets get to 35 soon.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
30lbs lost..
I lost 30 pounds on Friday...It feels great to see that. To experience that is unbelievable. I celebrated going to see one of our friend's band, 'Tis. I haven't seen his other band personally but I must say I am really liking this band. Needless to say my guilty pleasure is drinking, Drinking a lot. I do not get to drink normally so when given the chance I take it. Eating I hop at 2am is a common drunk thing to do. Needless to say could barely walk.
I really enjoyed myself..so It puts me back into priority...it is October. Sweet fast changing October..It is about to turn into snowy windy cold and December. Which is going to suck to run in. But Tomorrow is cleansing day. Water for 24 hours to cleanse my soul. Remove the Alcohol and any other impurities. Then a quiet run in the afternoon and 3 mile walk. Not doing Supreme 90 that day because..in fact pushing myself with no fuel is stupid.
Lately I have been loving up Supernatural, Angel, Finished Charmed, Gilmore Girls, Fringe, House, American Horror Story...Dvr has become my friend....Because between anything I am glad I get to pick times when I can watch something.
Time for sleep, and time to get this week put right on track...
I really enjoyed myself..so It puts me back into priority...it is October. Sweet fast changing October..It is about to turn into snowy windy cold and December. Which is going to suck to run in. But Tomorrow is cleansing day. Water for 24 hours to cleanse my soul. Remove the Alcohol and any other impurities. Then a quiet run in the afternoon and 3 mile walk. Not doing Supreme 90 that day because..in fact pushing myself with no fuel is stupid.
Lately I have been loving up Supernatural, Angel, Finished Charmed, Gilmore Girls, Fringe, House, American Horror Story...Dvr has become my friend....Because between anything I am glad I get to pick times when I can watch something.
Time for sleep, and time to get this week put right on track...
Sunday, October 9, 2011
This girl is beautiful
Usually when referring to myself..I have hated this body. This is not my body and honestly it can go back to its Pregnancy hell..because I gained it all during pregnancy. I looked at myself and hate it. Hate everything about it....
I am ranging 30 pounds and with help of a close friends...I actually feel pretty! I mean beautiful.
Walked 5 miles today, Ran 2 miles, and did Supreme 90
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
29.8 pounds
Here I am...Here I stand...
Febraury 13th I was crying on a couch because I couldn't lose any weight. So depressed and unseeing.
Here it is: October 7th and I have lost 29.8 pounds...that is right almost 30 pounds...that is just awesome.
In 13.6 more pounds I will be under 200...that all together at that point I will be a 43 pounds lost...THAT IS FRICKIN AWESOME.
13 pounds though could take up to 2-3 months to lose..the right way. Do not want to lose it to fast.
Haven't had pop in forever, even when going out I get water. I won't lie still eat candy corn, oreos, and eat out...but it is in moderation. Really a lot of moderation..I like losing weight when I reach my goal..where do I go from there...its just an amazing thought. I will be toning..not just losing weight.
I have a long way to go...but for sure..29.8 pounds was a lot of hard work...but guess what I am here.
Febraury 13th I was crying on a couch because I couldn't lose any weight. So depressed and unseeing.
Here it is: October 7th and I have lost 29.8 pounds...that is right almost 30 pounds...that is just awesome.
In 13.6 more pounds I will be under 200...that all together at that point I will be a 43 pounds lost...THAT IS FRICKIN AWESOME.
13 pounds though could take up to 2-3 months to lose..the right way. Do not want to lose it to fast.
Haven't had pop in forever, even when going out I get water. I won't lie still eat candy corn, oreos, and eat out...but it is in moderation. Really a lot of moderation..I like losing weight when I reach my goal..where do I go from there...its just an amazing thought. I will be toning..not just losing weight.
I have a long way to go...but for sure..29.8 pounds was a lot of hard work...but guess what I am here.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
pms sucks
So I stepped on my scale on Monday and got so pissed off. I mean extremely past the limit of wanting to smash something. After 6 weeks losing only 2.4 pounds just plain pissed me off. I mean I lost inches and fat but was not prepared for that. You have no idea. But then I remembered PMS will mess with the scale..so today I got on the scale and have lost 6.4 pounds...that is so much of a nicer number! I am up to 29.0 pounds, which means I almost got to my goal of losing 10 pounds before October. I hope to lose 6 more pounds before November. If I weigh under 200 by January that would be awesome..Only 14.4 more pounds.
Supreme 90 starts today!
Supreme 90 starts today!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Calm ...Blue October
I remember about easily 4-5 years ago sitting next to David in Ben's Black Scion listening to Blue October...Okay Blaring out of control Blue October at first I hated it. You could not even hear yourself think. Listening up to 3 hours of non-stop Blare, yes I should be use to this. My dad is the same way. This was a foreign musical band..I had never heard or at least I thought I had never heard of them...
Calling You came on in that car and started my love for Blue October..Probably the most truest love song ever.
"I thought that the world had lost it's sway It's so hard sometimes Then I fell in love with you
Then came you And you took that away It's not so difficult The world is not so difficult...And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you" Calling You_Blue October.
Then came Hate me which at that time extremely expressed every emotion I felt all the time.
"Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you" Hate Me_Blue October.
I think this band has expressed every raw emotion I have ever felt. Listening to Blue October calms my nerves and lets me think. Most of the time I just get frustrated trying to sort through the mess inside my brain. It is hard balancing so much and still come up disastrously perfect.
"I'm glad to say that we've met But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't On our side" What If we Could
"My words they don't come out right But I'll try to say I'm happy for you I think I'm going to take that drive I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years My heart" Congratulations
A great song to all of my mistakes that pain me:
"It's the guilt of what reality has given me Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity And when you're sick you seem to think You've failed eternally And that the people you let in are only crumbling When you're sick of faking life in this recovery When my decision paved the road That lies in front of me So to my friends that even call but I don't call back I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will" Overweight
"Its proof to show that I bleed for this And I'd cut myself the shame To get to know this masochist
Who has stolen my first name" Pulled my wire through my cheek
"I'm reaching farther than I ever have before Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy We may be some sort of crazy But I swear on everything I have and more"
Sound of Pulling Heaven down
Easily David and I song. We have this one engraved on our very souls.
"I close my eyes and I smile Knowing that everything is alrightI knew it from the start So my arms are open wide Your head is on my stomach And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah" 18th floor balcony
"It's all about esteem It's all about dreams It's all about making the best out of everything
You'll know when you're fine Cause you'll talk like a mine" Say It
The past of this year is cryptic
"And I could only dream of you and sleep, But I never see sunlight again, I can try to be with you, but some how I'll end up just losing a friend, And I can only reach for you Relate to you,
I'm losing my friend..."My never
At one point I was an anger at everyone in my life. ...so much hurt me and effected me...I was anger at god, I was disappointed with everyone. ... Explains a lot...
"Stop staring, you're the reason I feel so unhappy all the time, look I've given you everything I know how Your standing on the top of my shoe Your keeping me from gaining ground Look I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down.I should be loved by you, That I know is true I can't breathe when you're around! No, I should be held at night That I know is right I can't breathe when you're around!
You're too scared, scared of all of it I get that feeling I'm talking to the wall" Should be Loved
"Yeah I'm scared of death And I'm scared of living I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving I misplaced my trust" Picking up the Pieces
This song is just plain a motivation and one very close to me
"You have to hold your head up high and Watch all the negative go by Don't you ever be ashamed to cry You go ahead Cuz life's like a jump rope I want to tell you that everything will be okay
That everything will eventually turn itself to gold Keep pushin through it all Don't follow, lead the way Don't lose yourself or your hope" Jump Rope
So much these lyrics bring me to that emotional plateau...
"I've been to both knees Raise my hands up to the skies, forgive me Is something out there far beyond the clouds? I'm asking help me It's time to wake up, time to make up Time to shake these memories It's time to leave the past in the past And lace up a new set of shoestrings" Blue Skies
"Describe the pain That choked your reality It's all in your mind he said You have to go graceful dancing" Graceful Dancing
"While I can't be anything but who I am" The feel again
I love this song..Period
"We both know who we are And I'm not changing a thing,
I've never changed before If lovin' me is work, I'm not a job to take I think we're headin' for the crazy-making heartbreak I'm wonderin' why I'm sittin' here, alone again Why you always crush me,
Why it's never easy Easy, easy, easy, it's not easy"The money Tree
"Why do I only feel the chills when I'm with you? I only hear your words that you say are true But you keep thinking it over, thinking it over, You can catch me if you wanted to, oh" The Chills
"Did he really get to take you home? I'm surprised that you chose him.
"I don't wanna give you my heart If you're not completing it I'm blown away at how your family
Your friends just accept it though No one's ever told you "no" Can't expect you to know how to love
When it was somethin' you were never taught" The Honesty
I really love them..I can honestly say I do not hate a single song they have wrote..time to drift back into the musical lyrics
Calling You came on in that car and started my love for Blue October..Probably the most truest love song ever.
"I thought that the world had lost it's sway It's so hard sometimes Then I fell in love with you
Then came you And you took that away It's not so difficult The world is not so difficult...And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you" Calling You_Blue October.
Then came Hate me which at that time extremely expressed every emotion I felt all the time.
"Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you" Hate Me_Blue October.
I think this band has expressed every raw emotion I have ever felt. Listening to Blue October calms my nerves and lets me think. Most of the time I just get frustrated trying to sort through the mess inside my brain. It is hard balancing so much and still come up disastrously perfect.
"I'm glad to say that we've met But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't On our side" What If we Could
"My words they don't come out right But I'll try to say I'm happy for you I think I'm going to take that drive I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years My heart" Congratulations
A great song to all of my mistakes that pain me:
"It's the guilt of what reality has given me Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity And when you're sick you seem to think You've failed eternally And that the people you let in are only crumbling When you're sick of faking life in this recovery When my decision paved the road That lies in front of me So to my friends that even call but I don't call back I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will" Overweight
"Its proof to show that I bleed for this And I'd cut myself the shame To get to know this masochist
Who has stolen my first name" Pulled my wire through my cheek
"I'm reaching farther than I ever have before Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy We may be some sort of crazy But I swear on everything I have and more"
Sound of Pulling Heaven down
Easily David and I song. We have this one engraved on our very souls.
"I close my eyes and I smile Knowing that everything is alrightI knew it from the start So my arms are open wide Your head is on my stomach And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah" 18th floor balcony
"It's all about esteem It's all about dreams It's all about making the best out of everything
You'll know when you're fine Cause you'll talk like a mine" Say It
The past of this year is cryptic
"And I could only dream of you and sleep, But I never see sunlight again, I can try to be with you, but some how I'll end up just losing a friend, And I can only reach for you Relate to you,
I'm losing my friend..."My never
At one point I was an anger at everyone in my life. ...so much hurt me and effected me...I was anger at god, I was disappointed with everyone. ... Explains a lot...
"Stop staring, you're the reason I feel so unhappy all the time, look I've given you everything I know how Your standing on the top of my shoe Your keeping me from gaining ground Look I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down.I should be loved by you, That I know is true I can't breathe when you're around! No, I should be held at night That I know is right I can't breathe when you're around!
You're too scared, scared of all of it I get that feeling I'm talking to the wall" Should be Loved
"Yeah I'm scared of death And I'm scared of living I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving I misplaced my trust" Picking up the Pieces
This song is just plain a motivation and one very close to me
"You have to hold your head up high and Watch all the negative go by Don't you ever be ashamed to cry You go ahead Cuz life's like a jump rope I want to tell you that everything will be okay
That everything will eventually turn itself to gold Keep pushin through it all Don't follow, lead the way Don't lose yourself or your hope" Jump Rope
So much these lyrics bring me to that emotional plateau...
"I've been to both knees Raise my hands up to the skies, forgive me Is something out there far beyond the clouds? I'm asking help me It's time to wake up, time to make up Time to shake these memories It's time to leave the past in the past And lace up a new set of shoestrings" Blue Skies
"Describe the pain That choked your reality It's all in your mind he said You have to go graceful dancing" Graceful Dancing
"While I can't be anything but who I am" The feel again
I love this song..Period
"We both know who we are And I'm not changing a thing,
I've never changed before If lovin' me is work, I'm not a job to take I think we're headin' for the crazy-making heartbreak I'm wonderin' why I'm sittin' here, alone again Why you always crush me,
Why it's never easy Easy, easy, easy, it's not easy"The money Tree
"Why do I only feel the chills when I'm with you? I only hear your words that you say are true But you keep thinking it over, thinking it over, You can catch me if you wanted to, oh" The Chills
"Did he really get to take you home? I'm surprised that you chose him.
"I don't wanna give you my heart If you're not completing it I'm blown away at how your family
Your friends just accept it though No one's ever told you "no" Can't expect you to know how to love
When it was somethin' you were never taught" The Honesty
I really love them..I can honestly say I do not hate a single song they have wrote..time to drift back into the musical lyrics
Hiking: Small Victory.
15.5 miles of pure nature...well mostly exclude the some cars, walking on a desolated road covered in nature, horses, a handful of people, bridges, and some trash..and you have Oak Openings. It was literally covered all of oak opening.
Time Started :7:30a.m. It was 39 degrees outside, can you say cold.Had our Nutrigrain bars, water, First aid kit, and hoodies. We prepared. It was so nice and quiet, on the first 8 miles we saw tons of deer and absolutely no humans. It was nice that for once in a long time, just my husband and I trekking along. The best part we left at dark and watched the sun rise on the forest.
By the way, chipmunks make one hell of an annoying noises. Oh yeah almost got killed by a black walnut..that for sure was fun..David saw a running leaves... We were tired! The first 8 went super fast! The last two miles seemed to drag on!
Time Started :7:30a.m. It was 39 degrees outside, can you say cold.Had our Nutrigrain bars, water, First aid kit, and hoodies. We prepared. It was so nice and quiet, on the first 8 miles we saw tons of deer and absolutely no humans. It was nice that for once in a long time, just my husband and I trekking along. The best part we left at dark and watched the sun rise on the forest.
By the way, chipmunks make one hell of an annoying noises. Oh yeah almost got killed by a black walnut..that for sure was fun..David saw a running leaves... We were tired! The first 8 went super fast! The last two miles seemed to drag on!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The 100 workout
So for the last two days, I have tried the 100 workout. I never thought that would be easy..
Consists of :
180 jumping jacks
140 crunches
120 squats
100 leg lifts
20 push ups
10 min of jogging
I did it. That is one fit woman at the moment. This is now my morning routine. I hope to add much more to it. Like Deadlifts or Jump Squats.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Incredible
IS it Sunday yet? Or Monday for that matter?
Not that this week is going bad! It is going perfect, Perfect! In fact, the emotions I am feeling are absolutely insane. I am incredibly happy, in fact so happy I could just burst into tears. Tears of happiness. My emotions feel like a huge roller coaster. None are bad just all different degrees of insanity and happiness.
1. I bought a pair of Capri earlier this year to set me on track..I could not zip them up at all. Then are on the hips. Tried them on today! They fit a little muffin top but they still Zip Up! That shows progress...cannot wait to try them on in 30 days.
2. I finish Slim in 6 in 4 more days. I have graduated kiddies. Burn It Up is extremely incredibly intense. I have completed Start It Up (30 minutes, 1 week) Ramp It Up (45 minutes,2 weeks) and Burn It Up (60 minutes, 3 weeks)I am so proud of myself :)
3. Sunday will be going on a 16 mile hike with my husband. Am more excited than I can ever ever describe. This will be the first time in a while it will be just him and I doing what we love the most. He may not workout with me but he is willing to walk or run with me :)
4. I weigh in Monday! I do not even care if it is 5 pounds lost...because I have already gained so much...pus 20 pushups and lifting 5 pound weights
5.Start Supreme 90 Monday! End Date December 31st! Great end to an amazing year!
After 3 years I am finding myself again!!!!and this is big. Incredible journey
Not that this week is going bad! It is going perfect, Perfect! In fact, the emotions I am feeling are absolutely insane. I am incredibly happy, in fact so happy I could just burst into tears. Tears of happiness. My emotions feel like a huge roller coaster. None are bad just all different degrees of insanity and happiness.
1. I bought a pair of Capri earlier this year to set me on track..I could not zip them up at all. Then are on the hips. Tried them on today! They fit a little muffin top but they still Zip Up! That shows progress...cannot wait to try them on in 30 days.
2. I finish Slim in 6 in 4 more days. I have graduated kiddies. Burn It Up is extremely incredibly intense. I have completed Start It Up (30 minutes, 1 week) Ramp It Up (45 minutes,2 weeks) and Burn It Up (60 minutes, 3 weeks)I am so proud of myself :)
3. Sunday will be going on a 16 mile hike with my husband. Am more excited than I can ever ever describe. This will be the first time in a while it will be just him and I doing what we love the most. He may not workout with me but he is willing to walk or run with me :)
4. I weigh in Monday! I do not even care if it is 5 pounds lost...because I have already gained so much...pus 20 pushups and lifting 5 pound weights
5.Start Supreme 90 Monday! End Date December 31st! Great end to an amazing year!
After 3 years I am finding myself again!!!!and this is big. Incredible journey
Just Boredom I guess
So as I look at the Shipping date of Supreme 90...It is suppose to be here October 3rd. Which means that will be the day I start it. Provided that the shipping date is correct. That means I would end December 31st..Talk about ending the year right. By Halloween I will be on day 60 Thanksgiving DaY 83. Which I am pretty excited to mostly complete this before Frey's Christmas Party then I can go buy a cute dress and such. I like shoes more than I like actually dressing up. I have a feeling this will go so much faster than SLim in 6.
Slim in 6 breakdown:
Start It Up (30 min) 1 week
Ramp It Up (45 min) 2 weeks
Burn It Up (60 min) 3 weeks
I cannot really remember anything other than Burn It Up because it has been the only thing I have been slaving on. 30 minutes of cardio burning squats and such. It packs so much into 30 minutes...I hate the entire part and your heart barely drops past 160. Than comes the easy resistance band and I used my 5 pound weights..Than floor exercises and crunches..Cannot explain this exercise any other way due to just do it. Just try it. I have noticed changes everyday..plus I can do 20 push ups. So I call that pretty accomplished. I am just dying to know what my fat ratio and my water content is. My weight of course.
Slim in 6 has let me fit into a shirt that hasn't fit right since pregnancy with Lori in 2009. That is to me a huge reward. Most of my tank tops are falling off of me and my pants look baggy because I am losing weight in my thighs..My back is showing definition and my shoulders are coming back. I am also back to larges :) I would recommend it to anyone..who is not a beginner. I am lifting 5lbs with ease.
Cannot wait til Sunday to do 16 miles..than start Supreme 90 :)
Slim in 6 breakdown:
Start It Up (30 min) 1 week
Ramp It Up (45 min) 2 weeks
Burn It Up (60 min) 3 weeks
I cannot really remember anything other than Burn It Up because it has been the only thing I have been slaving on. 30 minutes of cardio burning squats and such. It packs so much into 30 minutes...I hate the entire part and your heart barely drops past 160. Than comes the easy resistance band and I used my 5 pound weights..Than floor exercises and crunches..Cannot explain this exercise any other way due to just do it. Just try it. I have noticed changes everyday..plus I can do 20 push ups. So I call that pretty accomplished. I am just dying to know what my fat ratio and my water content is. My weight of course.
Slim in 6 has let me fit into a shirt that hasn't fit right since pregnancy with Lori in 2009. That is to me a huge reward. Most of my tank tops are falling off of me and my pants look baggy because I am losing weight in my thighs..My back is showing definition and my shoulders are coming back. I am also back to larges :) I would recommend it to anyone..who is not a beginner. I am lifting 5lbs with ease.
Cannot wait til Sunday to do 16 miles..than start Supreme 90 :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Balancing all the right things
There is a common question I seem to be getting asked lately.
1. How do I do it?
2. How do I find time?
3. How do I balance wife duties, working out, animals, toddlers, friends, and family?
Well I am doing it because I use to be 119 pounds. Use to be and will be again..that was 2 1/2 years ago. When I got Pregnant I slept all the time and threw up. Not really sure how I gained about 81 pounds...Well awesome do not feel bad I gained weight. Because in fact I got blessed with an easy labor. Natural, no epidurals. An hour and a half. My daughter got a little more intense gained 43 pounds with her..all hard back labor and the medicine the gave me to lesson the pain made me throw up. So 2 hours of back labor. I would rather gain weight anyday than have a c-section or long labor. I prolonged this journey because I was breastfeeding my son. I stopped at 3 months when I lost my milk due to pregnancy and by the time my son walked 9 months..my daughter was about due. Once again stuck to doing the important things. Breastfeeding my daughter. 8 months...she started walking at 12 months.
So I did not and was not able to do this with a toddler and newborn. They had all my attention and at one point I babysit a 3 year old, along with my kids 2 and 1. So when they slept I slept. We were co-sleepers so when it was bedtime mommy followed. SO I did not have a lot of time to start my journey. Hated not fitting into my clothes, hated being the "fat" girl in the family. Going from skinny to obese...yes obese is rough.
I hit my point...It was February 13, 2010. Earlier this year. I was off Depo for 6 months. I was in a state of uproaring emotions. Depo-Provera Messes with every emotion you have. Also helps so you gain or is harder to loose weight. I was crying on the couch, basically asking my husband why he even love me. I am fat and ugly. My husband held me and told me" I created our family and how amazing I was" He became super protective toward me. I decided that Day I would Lose this weight in 2 years...and be happy again. My friend and I picked up a copy of Ea Active 2...I completed that for the whole 9 weeks. That was my start up point. On top of that walking my puppies, and using an elliptical or treadmill for 30 minutes. That was my starting to get my body moving. Just that simple.
Then it moved to losing my workout partner. She had only enough motivation until things got hard. Then since this wasn't her number 1 goal she quit. Then it was all up to me...I probably own easily every Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels workouts. Plus tons more and I can tell you I have at least done each one for a week at a time.
Then it came to Weddings. Our June and July we had four weddings. Know sure if we stayed at home for any of them it wouldn't have matter. First one was Cape Cod, Massachusetts..we lived in a hotel room for a week. Not many healthy choices either. One good thing gained no weight on any of these vacations..Next came Mansfield..3 hours away. 2 days wasn't that bad. Next came one in July but it was 30 minutes away sadly we didn't even get to enjoy it because...we had to bring my son to the er.Last one in St. Cloud minnesota..for I think we stayed 4 days. I sadly was so much on the run..it was hard but while we were in Minnesota we would walk around the parks and stop and go walking. So those were my horrid months.
But I decided starting in August nothing was stopping me. Nothing! Riding bike for an hour a day and then I got Slim in 6 and had been conquering ever since. I am on Week 6 about to finish. I am seeing great results..
But let me tell you I could do not, Could not do this without my husband. My husband, my best friend, father of my children...he has so many titles. He eats healthy like me and he give me the time needed for me to workout, he understands what I need to do. Plus it makes our relationship so much better.
I find all kinds of time to workout. Any one can make up excuses why the cannot do it here's my secret...haha.
I do not drink pop..nope not even at Restaurants . I always get water.
I did whole milk..I just cannot drink 2% I think it takes too watery.
I drink water all the time.
I take Immune multivitamins and Multivitamins.
I am not on a diet. I eat portions and in moderation
I learn as much as I can about losing weight.
I like programs that seem if you want results than do 6 days a week
---Slim In 6-----Supreme 90
I find all kinds of time...while my husband is still asleep in the morning before work I walk the dogs for an hour
Naptime Zeke has quiet playing time in his room with his tv and Lorilye naps. I clean the house and workout for an hour
David gets home at about 5ish. I ask him if he wants to go on a walk..then we go on 3-5 mile walks together with the kids.
Or this weekend I told him lets do 16 mile hike while the kids are at grandmas..He agreed.
Or I wait til 9 and go on a run after the kids are in bed.
You can always make time it just takes commitment and motivation. Effort is key word. Monday is coming close for my weigh in..was 23 ponds 6 weeks ago cannot wait to see the hard work..
1. How do I do it?
2. How do I find time?
3. How do I balance wife duties, working out, animals, toddlers, friends, and family?
Well I am doing it because I use to be 119 pounds. Use to be and will be again..that was 2 1/2 years ago. When I got Pregnant I slept all the time and threw up. Not really sure how I gained about 81 pounds...Well awesome do not feel bad I gained weight. Because in fact I got blessed with an easy labor. Natural, no epidurals. An hour and a half. My daughter got a little more intense gained 43 pounds with her..all hard back labor and the medicine the gave me to lesson the pain made me throw up. So 2 hours of back labor. I would rather gain weight anyday than have a c-section or long labor. I prolonged this journey because I was breastfeeding my son. I stopped at 3 months when I lost my milk due to pregnancy and by the time my son walked 9 months..my daughter was about due. Once again stuck to doing the important things. Breastfeeding my daughter. 8 months...she started walking at 12 months.
So I did not and was not able to do this with a toddler and newborn. They had all my attention and at one point I babysit a 3 year old, along with my kids 2 and 1. So when they slept I slept. We were co-sleepers so when it was bedtime mommy followed. SO I did not have a lot of time to start my journey. Hated not fitting into my clothes, hated being the "fat" girl in the family. Going from skinny to obese...yes obese is rough.
I hit my point...It was February 13, 2010. Earlier this year. I was off Depo for 6 months. I was in a state of uproaring emotions. Depo-Provera Messes with every emotion you have. Also helps so you gain or is harder to loose weight. I was crying on the couch, basically asking my husband why he even love me. I am fat and ugly. My husband held me and told me" I created our family and how amazing I was" He became super protective toward me. I decided that Day I would Lose this weight in 2 years...and be happy again. My friend and I picked up a copy of Ea Active 2...I completed that for the whole 9 weeks. That was my start up point. On top of that walking my puppies, and using an elliptical or treadmill for 30 minutes. That was my starting to get my body moving. Just that simple.
Then it moved to losing my workout partner. She had only enough motivation until things got hard. Then since this wasn't her number 1 goal she quit. Then it was all up to me...I probably own easily every Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels workouts. Plus tons more and I can tell you I have at least done each one for a week at a time.
Then it came to Weddings. Our June and July we had four weddings. Know sure if we stayed at home for any of them it wouldn't have matter. First one was Cape Cod, Massachusetts..we lived in a hotel room for a week. Not many healthy choices either. One good thing gained no weight on any of these vacations..Next came Mansfield..3 hours away. 2 days wasn't that bad. Next came one in July but it was 30 minutes away sadly we didn't even get to enjoy it because...we had to bring my son to the er.Last one in St. Cloud minnesota..for I think we stayed 4 days. I sadly was so much on the run..it was hard but while we were in Minnesota we would walk around the parks and stop and go walking. So those were my horrid months.
But I decided starting in August nothing was stopping me. Nothing! Riding bike for an hour a day and then I got Slim in 6 and had been conquering ever since. I am on Week 6 about to finish. I am seeing great results..
But let me tell you I could do not, Could not do this without my husband. My husband, my best friend, father of my children...he has so many titles. He eats healthy like me and he give me the time needed for me to workout, he understands what I need to do. Plus it makes our relationship so much better.
I find all kinds of time to workout. Any one can make up excuses why the cannot do it here's my secret...haha.
I do not drink pop..nope not even at Restaurants . I always get water.
I did whole milk..I just cannot drink 2% I think it takes too watery.
I drink water all the time.
I take Immune multivitamins and Multivitamins.
I am not on a diet. I eat portions and in moderation
I learn as much as I can about losing weight.
I like programs that seem if you want results than do 6 days a week
---Slim In 6-----Supreme 90
I find all kinds of time...while my husband is still asleep in the morning before work I walk the dogs for an hour
Naptime Zeke has quiet playing time in his room with his tv and Lorilye naps. I clean the house and workout for an hour
David gets home at about 5ish. I ask him if he wants to go on a walk..then we go on 3-5 mile walks together with the kids.
Or this weekend I told him lets do 16 mile hike while the kids are at grandmas..He agreed.
Or I wait til 9 and go on a run after the kids are in bed.
You can always make time it just takes commitment and motivation. Effort is key word. Monday is coming close for my weigh in..was 23 ponds 6 weeks ago cannot wait to see the hard work..
Monday, September 26, 2011
These emotions are...
Gasp are those shrunken hips...and stomach..ohh gasp! Wait my boobs are the same size...dammit!
I am dreading that scale....so so so so much. I do not know what I am scare of...I have accomplished making xl look huge on me. Large is the size I am at. My boobs haven't shrunk any but I still have hope. The shirt above I haven't wore in over a year! It fits...It fits...It Fits. Things in my closet I haven't seen since pregnant with Zeke are fitting. Why am I letting this plastic expensive piece of insignificant scale..control my thoughts. I am scare of this number...more scared than I have ever been about anything in my life....One thing is last time I weighed myself...I was 219. A number 23 pounds lost signified. For me that made me cry for an hour. I sat on my bathroom and bawled my eyes out. Crying is rare for me. I just couldn't believe that I ...me did this.
I cannot imagine...what 210 pounds could signify..or putting my hopes up high..to 200. I don't expect to lose 19 pounds in 6 weeks but just that thought boggles my mind...Even 5 pounds I will be excited for. My arms are getting stronger and this shirt use to be tight on my arms..it is not anymore. It is not tight anywear.My pants are looking huge and falling off. It is amazing. Amazing that I am doing this.
I may be doing this for myself. But I dedicate this to every one making this journey with me, or just starting. I also do this for my husband he met me when I was skinny and I am giving him that. I will prove to be a fit mom for my children. I am starting to tear up writing this. This journey is so emotional for me. This is me! THIS IS WHO I AM! This is me! By the end of this I will be losing over a 100+ pounds! When I hit my goal weight..I will put this journey on my body...a tattoo along with my scars to remind me where I am not going to be again. I will never never never..be this big again..I can guarantee it. 5 more days of Slim in 6 and lots more walking on the trails we hit another 3 miles!
The past can always be used for greatness
You know it is funny last year someone that is part of my past wrote how I was Morbidly obese.Just to make herself feel better, she attacked me and my weight. I write this because she is not a skinny person and in fact she is bigger than me at the moment.She attacked me purely because she is jealous of me and always has been. Specially, since her boyfriend was hitting on me constantly. That comment gave me the most motivation toward my goal. As that person has attacked my very being and tried to destroy my life. In all attempts made me much stronger. I took someone who is purely a bully and knocked her off her high horse. I have been working my butt off to prove her insignificant comments wrong. Of course, It hurt thats what it was suppose to do. I am beautiful Inside and out and Honestly I will always be more beautiful than her.
Because truth is I do not treat people like crap or make them feel like crap.Maybe these seem like very contradictory comments but I feel justified. She is part of my past.But taking up from 2005-2007 of being the most immature, meanest, rude commented, high horsed person I have ever met in my life. By the time everything came to a crashing halt..I was sick of it. The boyfriend was constantly hitting on me and much more. Ugh. I did not want him I was perfectly happy with my man. Still am. I will tell you just for the time we were together I was the nicest person I could be and I respected their relationship. We all have our ups and downs. Every relationship is different.
I went through so much crap because of those two people. Things I care not to relive ever! Or even talk about. Let's just say they did not care about David as a friend, they cared about their themselves and what they liked. Not once did the think about David. With any friendship if it makes your friend happy then leave it be. Because if not you will lose that friend. Is you being happy really worth losing a close friend?
With the pounds leaving, I feel as though that nightmare is finally disappearing. Of course, I should not think of anything. But when a relationship of friendship fails, it still lingers. Always. It has teached me that even when I do not like someone it is better to be nicer to them for the whole fact that they should never be treated how I was treated. I have had friends with boyfriends that my friends deserve better, but I will treat them as a friend. No matter what.Because its not my feeling or my life in fact, I care what is best for them and what makes them happy. I always keep the positives in my life and strive to achieve perfection. I have been there 100% for my friends and many of my friends tell me how much I can make them feel better. I pride myself in being a loyal friend...because in fact it is so worth it. Doesn't matter what makes me happy, it is what makes them happy.
This blog I pondered. I deleted most of the negative and tried not to bash into the ground. It comes to it has been 4 years..give or take and honestly I wish them the best. Always. Not that I would ever ever ever put them in my life again, but they can be happy together. I recovered my husband from that downward spiral. We have moved on and hopefully they "she" has too.
The past will always be there but why are her comments going to mean a thing when I am back down to my original weight? It won't matter one bit. Not that it should matter now, I have an amazing husband, two beautiful toddlers and surrounded by the best of friends and family. Just have to let those comments saturate into the base and ground of all my weight loss efforts.
I am working on Week 6 of Slim in 6. Week 6..that is 6 lovely weeks of 6 lovely days of working out. I get to see the scale Sunday and weigh in Monday morning and hopefully start Supreme 90. Thank You "you know who you are" for being part of my motivation. I know you don't want to hear that. But thank you, so much.
You have dragged me through hell and back but also achieved throwing me into the best journey of my entire life. I do not want to be this weigh this for even one year more, I will chisel and kill this. I am almost rounding a year of my weigh loss journey. I have done so much stuff this year and personally achieved so many accomplishments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the best people of my life, who have been there through thick and thin. I love you guys.
Because truth is I do not treat people like crap or make them feel like crap.Maybe these seem like very contradictory comments but I feel justified. She is part of my past.But taking up from 2005-2007 of being the most immature, meanest, rude commented, high horsed person I have ever met in my life. By the time everything came to a crashing halt..I was sick of it. The boyfriend was constantly hitting on me and much more. Ugh. I did not want him I was perfectly happy with my man. Still am. I will tell you just for the time we were together I was the nicest person I could be and I respected their relationship. We all have our ups and downs. Every relationship is different.
I went through so much crap because of those two people. Things I care not to relive ever! Or even talk about. Let's just say they did not care about David as a friend, they cared about their themselves and what they liked. Not once did the think about David. With any friendship if it makes your friend happy then leave it be. Because if not you will lose that friend. Is you being happy really worth losing a close friend?
With the pounds leaving, I feel as though that nightmare is finally disappearing. Of course, I should not think of anything. But when a relationship of friendship fails, it still lingers. Always. It has teached me that even when I do not like someone it is better to be nicer to them for the whole fact that they should never be treated how I was treated. I have had friends with boyfriends that my friends deserve better, but I will treat them as a friend. No matter what.Because its not my feeling or my life in fact, I care what is best for them and what makes them happy. I always keep the positives in my life and strive to achieve perfection. I have been there 100% for my friends and many of my friends tell me how much I can make them feel better. I pride myself in being a loyal friend...because in fact it is so worth it. Doesn't matter what makes me happy, it is what makes them happy.
This blog I pondered. I deleted most of the negative and tried not to bash into the ground. It comes to it has been 4 years..give or take and honestly I wish them the best. Always. Not that I would ever ever ever put them in my life again, but they can be happy together. I recovered my husband from that downward spiral. We have moved on and hopefully they "she" has too.
The past will always be there but why are her comments going to mean a thing when I am back down to my original weight? It won't matter one bit. Not that it should matter now, I have an amazing husband, two beautiful toddlers and surrounded by the best of friends and family. Just have to let those comments saturate into the base and ground of all my weight loss efforts.
I am working on Week 6 of Slim in 6. Week 6..that is 6 lovely weeks of 6 lovely days of working out. I get to see the scale Sunday and weigh in Monday morning and hopefully start Supreme 90. Thank You "you know who you are" for being part of my motivation. I know you don't want to hear that. But thank you, so much.
You have dragged me through hell and back but also achieved throwing me into the best journey of my entire life. I do not want to be this weigh this for even one year more, I will chisel and kill this. I am almost rounding a year of my weigh loss journey. I have done so much stuff this year and personally achieved so many accomplishments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the best people of my life, who have been there through thick and thin. I love you guys.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Almost Weigh In Time
When In doubt eat mac and cheese? yes, I believe this in everyway possible. Today I sat down with my mac and cheese. Looked at my wonderful family and put a plan together. We were going on a walk. We decided on a national Park. My husband, Zeke, Lori, the wagon, and I decided to go on a 5 mile walk. Perfect. Even helps mommy (me) closer to losing weight. Excited to be off on our journey, sippies in hand and smiles on our faces.
I grew up in a family that every year we walked this place. All day just enjoying time with each other or as we got older Mom and David would walk while my brother and I went a head.Found creative ways to tell them which way we went. We may have not done a whole lot of things together but this was one of those things I loved. David's family had never been there together. I went there for as long as I could remember back in the day there was a very scary bridge. Rope holding on either side and wooden planks...ugh so scared of heights and while I walked across my brother shook the bridge. I went and started screaming crying I was 5...this bridge disappeared when I was like 10. Thank God! I would probably still slowly cross it today.
It was fantastic day to walk fast across the walking trail. We were almost in what we called Lord of the Rings Land..you expected to see a nymph or elf...for how green and breathtaking the view is. The White tailed deer with fawns were everywhere! Zeke was saying "Deer Deer, Mommy. DEER!" Adorable. Lorilye was so excited to be surrounded by nature. The last 2 miles we let them out of the wagon to run and just be themselves. Lorilye picked up a stick and would use it as a walking stick...but If David walked to far a head of her. She would cross her arms and stand there angrily until he can back for her. Zeke and I would run(while he pulled the wagon) down the lane. He has so much energy and loves being so active!
So this brings the big picture..my goals! Still in full force. Next week, in fact Next Monday is weigh in time. This time bring so many emotions. Not knowing whether to cry or jump up and down in excitement. Hard work has paided off I already know that but this week is going to be extreme. Every day will start easily at 5ish dog walking time! Get home see the hubby off to work. Then there will be nothing bad in my body this week. Nothing besides healthy portions, fruit and veggies..Working out Burn It Up for an hour and then.....David and I have Saturday and Sunday off as working parents! I will be worried out of my mind but we haven't had an official break since Junish...for wills wedding. So who knows what Saturday will bring...but Sunday we will be going to a national park and walking the longest trail 16 miles...straight no stops Hopefully some running...Lots of water and nutrigrain :) Great finish to be a graduate in Slim in 6.
Supreme 90 is on its way here....I cannot wait. 90 days of full commitment. 90 days of full on changes! 90 days of pushing myself to somewhere I know I will be. Changes that are 100% worth it! Slim in 6 was commitment for 42 days. <3 <3 <3
I grew up in a family that every year we walked this place. All day just enjoying time with each other or as we got older Mom and David would walk while my brother and I went a head.Found creative ways to tell them which way we went. We may have not done a whole lot of things together but this was one of those things I loved. David's family had never been there together. I went there for as long as I could remember back in the day there was a very scary bridge. Rope holding on either side and wooden planks...ugh so scared of heights and while I walked across my brother shook the bridge. I went and started screaming crying I was 5...this bridge disappeared when I was like 10. Thank God! I would probably still slowly cross it today.
It was fantastic day to walk fast across the walking trail. We were almost in what we called Lord of the Rings Land..you expected to see a nymph or elf...for how green and breathtaking the view is. The White tailed deer with fawns were everywhere! Zeke was saying "Deer Deer, Mommy. DEER!" Adorable. Lorilye was so excited to be surrounded by nature. The last 2 miles we let them out of the wagon to run and just be themselves. Lorilye picked up a stick and would use it as a walking stick...but If David walked to far a head of her. She would cross her arms and stand there angrily until he can back for her. Zeke and I would run(while he pulled the wagon) down the lane. He has so much energy and loves being so active!
So this brings the big picture..my goals! Still in full force. Next week, in fact Next Monday is weigh in time. This time bring so many emotions. Not knowing whether to cry or jump up and down in excitement. Hard work has paided off I already know that but this week is going to be extreme. Every day will start easily at 5ish dog walking time! Get home see the hubby off to work. Then there will be nothing bad in my body this week. Nothing besides healthy portions, fruit and veggies..Working out Burn It Up for an hour and then.....David and I have Saturday and Sunday off as working parents! I will be worried out of my mind but we haven't had an official break since Junish...for wills wedding. So who knows what Saturday will bring...but Sunday we will be going to a national park and walking the longest trail 16 miles...straight no stops Hopefully some running...Lots of water and nutrigrain :) Great finish to be a graduate in Slim in 6.
Supreme 90 is on its way here....I cannot wait. 90 days of full commitment. 90 days of full on changes! 90 days of pushing myself to somewhere I know I will be. Changes that are 100% worth it! Slim in 6 was commitment for 42 days. <3 <3 <3
Friday, September 23, 2011
Day 9: Starting Saturday
5:30 a.m. : Going for a run 30 min. with Kaya 30 min with Mailee
6:30 a.m. : Take Multivitamins and Immune vitamins
7:00 a.m. : Do Burn It Up! (an hour)
3:00 p.m. : Ride Bike for an hour
No fast food, Ice cream is my weakness...unless a salad...but not a filled with shit salad gross
No sweets, nothing sugar...which is okay..
Bed by 11:00pm
Tons of vegetables and fruit.
Next 2 weeks to finish Burn It Up...which lead to Week 7!
6:30 a.m. : Take Multivitamins and Immune vitamins
7:00 a.m. : Do Burn It Up! (an hour)
3:00 p.m. : Ride Bike for an hour
No fast food, Ice cream is my weakness...unless a salad...but not a filled with shit salad gross
No sweets, nothing sugar...which is okay..
Bed by 11:00pm
Tons of vegetables and fruit.
Next 2 weeks to finish Burn It Up...which lead to Week 7!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Day 8: Whenever I lose Motivation
I always doubt myself when things get too overwhelming for me...doesn't mean I give up just means I get a little depressed and then workout harder.Yes, apparently punishments for me equal tons of hard work. In the last 3 years I have done amazing things.
I have carried two children. Went over my due date by 2 weeks. Naturally Birthed both kids and went through labor.(Kids being 8lbs 6oz 21 in and 8lbs 9oz 21 in) Breastfeed successfully both kids, one for 3 months(milk went dry due to pregnancy) and then 8 months with my daughter. Have lost 23 pounds or more..just because I put my mind to it. Am only 23 and I own my own house, car, got married, had kids and that is like half the battle in my 20s. I have some amazing friends that never let me forget who I am. I am there for my friends and help them through difficult times. Motherhood is pretty amazing in itself and keeps you always on your toes. I am pushing toward my goal of being a personal trainer. I do not really know what other things I can become in the next 6-7 years of my 20's but knowing me it will be anything less of amazing.
I may not be perfect but my life is falling into what I could have never imagined at 16. I didn't plan this, but it has giving me so much more valuable information in this life. This weight loss journey is a huge one! The inspiration and motivation is just plain amazing. Last night I was watching Biggest loser and probably teared up half the show. When Anna ran to the team I was crying! She didn't just stand there and judge. She wanted to help them. Plus the black dude looks like he is going to kick ass this season.
Week 5 is sucking. Yesterday, my son was getting sick all night so that opted out of that workout...Doing an hour isn't feasible when kids are more important. Last night got an hour of sleep. But any workouts that I miss go on my Week 7. That is because I am doing all the exercise! I will complete this.
I have carried two children. Went over my due date by 2 weeks. Naturally Birthed both kids and went through labor.(Kids being 8lbs 6oz 21 in and 8lbs 9oz 21 in) Breastfeed successfully both kids, one for 3 months(milk went dry due to pregnancy) and then 8 months with my daughter. Have lost 23 pounds or more..just because I put my mind to it. Am only 23 and I own my own house, car, got married, had kids and that is like half the battle in my 20s. I have some amazing friends that never let me forget who I am. I am there for my friends and help them through difficult times. Motherhood is pretty amazing in itself and keeps you always on your toes. I am pushing toward my goal of being a personal trainer. I do not really know what other things I can become in the next 6-7 years of my 20's but knowing me it will be anything less of amazing.
I may not be perfect but my life is falling into what I could have never imagined at 16. I didn't plan this, but it has giving me so much more valuable information in this life. This weight loss journey is a huge one! The inspiration and motivation is just plain amazing. Last night I was watching Biggest loser and probably teared up half the show. When Anna ran to the team I was crying! She didn't just stand there and judge. She wanted to help them. Plus the black dude looks like he is going to kick ass this season.
Week 5 is sucking. Yesterday, my son was getting sick all night so that opted out of that workout...Doing an hour isn't feasible when kids are more important. Last night got an hour of sleep. But any workouts that I miss go on my Week 7. That is because I am doing all the exercise! I will complete this.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Day 8: Believe in Yourself
I am so proud of my best friend. She is starting a workout program and I will be there for her 100% and even workout with her, when she wants me to, even if I have already worked out. That is a real friend.
I had workout partners and they failed. They have been skinnier than me and failed. Disappointed not only me but themselves. I have flung workout partners to the wind and depended on myself. With much motivation from friends and family it is amazing. Plus my Sparkpeople Friends I love your comments they go on my motivational board and make me always remember everyone encouraging me.
One of our conversations..included thinking that a workout is hard. Then regretting why didn't start sooner or thinking how did I let myself get like this. Stop! Right there. That kind of negative talk gets you no where. Absolutely, let those negative thoughts go and strive to get it right, right now. It should be hard, if it was easy we would all be skinnier! You are trying now and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Many people cannot even get to the getting up part.
There is a wall in exercising. It the wall you hit when things get hard, and you cannot grip the motivation for it. This wall is the toughest thing to get over! Trust me once you hit that, you want to grab the nearest sugary food and sit on the couch and mope. During this time, you also think how it is not working and you will never be able to do it. I hit this wall after my calves were in so much pain...I cried myself to sleep at night. Tons of Icy hot slabbed on it. I looked at my scale and I said I will get you down. Took some long walks(5 miles) and meditated and I have never looked back!
Never compare yourself to others in exercise. We are at so many different levels that it is hard to compare. Just look up to and believe that someday you will reach that level. I do all the time. People that have lost so many pounds, specially people that have went from 240 to 125...I smile everytime. If they can do it I can to. If I can do it anyone else can do it.
Just remember do this for you, not others. Don't let others problems and anger bring you down. Do not Give up losing 20 pounds isn't easy, losing 40 pounds isn't easy, 60 pounds isn't easy, but It can be done and people do it all the time. Plus It is so worth it when You try on those smaller clothes and feel great!
Hope this inspires someone to start a journey they will not regret!!!
I had workout partners and they failed. They have been skinnier than me and failed. Disappointed not only me but themselves. I have flung workout partners to the wind and depended on myself. With much motivation from friends and family it is amazing. Plus my Sparkpeople Friends I love your comments they go on my motivational board and make me always remember everyone encouraging me.
One of our conversations..included thinking that a workout is hard. Then regretting why didn't start sooner or thinking how did I let myself get like this. Stop! Right there. That kind of negative talk gets you no where. Absolutely, let those negative thoughts go and strive to get it right, right now. It should be hard, if it was easy we would all be skinnier! You are trying now and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Many people cannot even get to the getting up part.
There is a wall in exercising. It the wall you hit when things get hard, and you cannot grip the motivation for it. This wall is the toughest thing to get over! Trust me once you hit that, you want to grab the nearest sugary food and sit on the couch and mope. During this time, you also think how it is not working and you will never be able to do it. I hit this wall after my calves were in so much pain...I cried myself to sleep at night. Tons of Icy hot slabbed on it. I looked at my scale and I said I will get you down. Took some long walks(5 miles) and meditated and I have never looked back!
Never compare yourself to others in exercise. We are at so many different levels that it is hard to compare. Just look up to and believe that someday you will reach that level. I do all the time. People that have lost so many pounds, specially people that have went from 240 to 125...I smile everytime. If they can do it I can to. If I can do it anyone else can do it.
Just remember do this for you, not others. Don't let others problems and anger bring you down. Do not Give up losing 20 pounds isn't easy, losing 40 pounds isn't easy, 60 pounds isn't easy, but It can be done and people do it all the time. Plus It is so worth it when You try on those smaller clothes and feel great!
Hope this inspires someone to start a journey they will not regret!!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Day 7: Changes are coming
So the leaves are changing colors as they leave their branches. Covering the ground in their wonderful colors. September is here..bringing its cold nights and beautiful sunny (or here rainy) days. Which with September coming and soon to be ending. I am on Week 5 of Slim in 6.
Week 5..of working my butt off. For what? To have thinner thighs, to see the fat shrink off, to fit into better clothes....okay all good reasons...
But...I do it because I want to be normal again. Pay attention...to the I. I do it for myself and only myself. I only have to men to impress in my life and I think both of them are pretty happy. It is easy to keep a Toddler and a husband decent. I also have a daughter that is looking up to me and she sees how hard mommy is working. But still all for me! My husband has physically restrained me from exercising when I was sick, and most time thinks I am crazy.
I do not feel comfortable in this body. I was 119 pounds my entire 18 years. I loved wearing Jeans and dressing cute. Being Emo that was me. The day I started gaining weight when I was pregnant...I got a stretch mark on my hip..my body knew this wasn't suppose to be happening. In the last 3 years after 2 pregnancies I gained just about 124 pounds. I will say Depo- Provera did not help matters. My body, seeing pictures of myself, smiling...I just see a person I do not recognize...that person is fat. Weighing in on February 14th 2011 I weighted 243.3 pounds, 53% fat, and 34.3. I hit that point of what am I doing, I got off Depo and started my journey.
On August 20th, I weighed 220.8, was 46.3 % fat and 39.2% water. Due to the fact so much traveling, weddings, and workout partners quitting over the past 8 months. I am on full force destruction mode and nothing is stopping me...
Why..
Because I want to wear Jeans again! It has easily been two year
I don't ever want to see the word xlarge again
I deserve a better body
I want to make my kids proud of me
I want to feel at home next to my husband.( even though he loves me unconditionally)
I dont ever want to be said to me You use to be the fit girl! Ugh
I want all the feelings to go away towards, clothes, mirrors, others, past
I want to inspire others.
Personal trainer I want to become.
I want to be the person I was before...because that person is me
Goals:
Finish Slim in 6 on week 5
Supreme 90 start on October 10th will complete until January 7th!
Finish completely 30 day shred
My goals for the rest of this year and next year
to lose 110 pounds..if I lose more awesome..
A “healthy” BMI ranges from 18.5 to 24.9.
Get my water up to a "normal level"
Become a tough Mudder
Run a 5K marathon
Short Term:
Get under 200 pounds
Finish Slim in 6
Keep Active
Start Supreme 90
Keep a positive attitude
Read the Spark
Never Give Up! Fighting for your dreams!
Week 5..of working my butt off. For what? To have thinner thighs, to see the fat shrink off, to fit into better clothes....okay all good reasons...
But...I do it because I want to be normal again. Pay attention...to the I. I do it for myself and only myself. I only have to men to impress in my life and I think both of them are pretty happy. It is easy to keep a Toddler and a husband decent. I also have a daughter that is looking up to me and she sees how hard mommy is working. But still all for me! My husband has physically restrained me from exercising when I was sick, and most time thinks I am crazy.
I do not feel comfortable in this body. I was 119 pounds my entire 18 years. I loved wearing Jeans and dressing cute. Being Emo that was me. The day I started gaining weight when I was pregnant...I got a stretch mark on my hip..my body knew this wasn't suppose to be happening. In the last 3 years after 2 pregnancies I gained just about 124 pounds. I will say Depo- Provera did not help matters. My body, seeing pictures of myself, smiling...I just see a person I do not recognize...that person is fat. Weighing in on February 14th 2011 I weighted 243.3 pounds, 53% fat, and 34.3. I hit that point of what am I doing, I got off Depo and started my journey.
On August 20th, I weighed 220.8, was 46.3 % fat and 39.2% water. Due to the fact so much traveling, weddings, and workout partners quitting over the past 8 months. I am on full force destruction mode and nothing is stopping me...
Why..
Because I want to wear Jeans again! It has easily been two year
I don't ever want to see the word xlarge again
I deserve a better body
I want to make my kids proud of me
I want to feel at home next to my husband.( even though he loves me unconditionally)
I dont ever want to be said to me You use to be the fit girl! Ugh
I want all the feelings to go away towards, clothes, mirrors, others, past
I want to inspire others.
Personal trainer I want to become.
I want to be the person I was before...because that person is me
Goals:
Finish Slim in 6 on week 5
Supreme 90 start on October 10th will complete until January 7th!
Finish completely 30 day shred
My goals for the rest of this year and next year
to lose 110 pounds..if I lose more awesome..
A “healthy” BMI ranges from 18.5 to 24.9.
Get my water up to a "normal level"
Become a tough Mudder
Run a 5K marathon
Short Term:
Get under 200 pounds
Finish Slim in 6
Keep Active
Start Supreme 90
Keep a positive attitude
Read the Spark
Never Give Up! Fighting for your dreams!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Rinoa: Gosh, you're such a pessimist. There are no guarantees in the future. That's why TODAY, the time we have now, is important. Squall, we wanna help you, as much as we can, for as long as we can. We all love you. There, I said it. Please don't freak out. We just wanna live, y'know, live through this time with you, together.
Day 6: Perception
I have had so many mixed emotions about working out while I am sick. I mean I am seriously sick Puking, Fever, Runny nose, sore throat all equal feeling like Crap! I have had so many views on it. My husband has restricted me, on working out on Wednesday, so I did an hour on my stationary bike. Yesterday, I slept enough to feel a little better(plus some Dayquil) and did Burn It Up! The workout is an hour long! max heartbeat 169, average 130. Finish with like 3 pauses and drank 6 water. Oh and did 20 pushups.
Anyone that knows me! Knows I hate to be restricted. Even If my body is screaming at me. I push myself til I am blue in the face. It funny I dare someone to call me fat for the simple fact I would love to see you work out as hard as I do. Doesn't matter if I am sick or sore, the FACT is I am finishing Slim in 6! With flying fricking colors. I have 2 weeks and 2 days left. It is kind of amazing that next week is Week 5. Already? I haven't missed any days. Yesterday I took as my rest day. You have only one rest day a week. So It will be 10 days til rest.
The Perceptions of other people are quite interesting. I have inspired some to continue their own journey, Others have been telling me to watch my body, and others have completely said your crazy. Well that is a duh! I am crazy in all ways speaking. Who while sick would want to work out, Seriously, a nice bed with some Minestrone Soup. As good as that sounds...How about no? Anyone in my position knows You do not get better with Two toddlers!
I think its because I may have a fat shell...but it has only been 2 years since I gotten bigger. So I am still a skinny girl on the inside and she is dying to get out :)
Anyone that knows me! Knows I hate to be restricted. Even If my body is screaming at me. I push myself til I am blue in the face. It funny I dare someone to call me fat for the simple fact I would love to see you work out as hard as I do. Doesn't matter if I am sick or sore, the FACT is I am finishing Slim in 6! With flying fricking colors. I have 2 weeks and 2 days left. It is kind of amazing that next week is Week 5. Already? I haven't missed any days. Yesterday I took as my rest day. You have only one rest day a week. So It will be 10 days til rest.
The Perceptions of other people are quite interesting. I have inspired some to continue their own journey, Others have been telling me to watch my body, and others have completely said your crazy. Well that is a duh! I am crazy in all ways speaking. Who while sick would want to work out, Seriously, a nice bed with some Minestrone Soup. As good as that sounds...How about no? Anyone in my position knows You do not get better with Two toddlers!
I think its because I may have a fat shell...but it has only been 2 years since I gotten bigger. So I am still a skinny girl on the inside and she is dying to get out :)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Day 5: Get away from that Scale
Why is it that this $32 piece of plastic and metal rules are daily life. It controls our mood from destroying months of hard work to celebrating.Why? Because we let that single number control us.
I am not far from its mind controlling ways. My scale tells me how much fat I have, water weight, and my weight. Its the lethal kind. Something is bound to make you sad. For me gaining weight while trying to lose it was motivation to try harder. But when I didn't lose for a week I got pretty pissed off at the thing. Even replacing the batteries or moving it. So I decided to disconnect myself from the scale. I quit cold turkey.
Started Slim in 6 and it said 6 weeks of this program. I said fine, scale say your goodbyes and off it went to stay with my friend for 6 weeks.Also I told my friend I have to finish this in order to get if back. Can I say what motivation it has gave me? I will not be disappointed by that small significant number. You will not intimidate me! Even if I lose no weight at all I still rule over you, stupid scale. I know I have got new clothes and without that scale I see the progressive changes in the attitude, the new clothes, the smile, the stomach, and most of all the people around me.
It should be how YOU feel when losing weight and what YOU see! Not what that stupid invented thing is telling you. Let it remind you that maybe you fell off track. But DO NOT let it control you or your emotions. So do not beat yourself up if that number isn't what you use it as motivation to get it where you want.
I dare you to start something new and give the scale up. The first few weeks I wanted to call my friend and beg for it back...Yes, BEG. Then I realize It will be six week before I know it. And it has been October 1st is smiling at me :)
Smiling at me and saying Congratulations you have reached your 6 weeks now work harder.
Remember this is the rest of your life, not just a destination. It is a journey to better who you are forever.
*I fell apart, but got back up again*
Day 4: Because You are going to get sick
I am still working through it I told my husband unless I am pucking blood or died, I will not stop working out. If I stop I have to start all 6 weeks over again. My blood sugar is low which makes me dizzy so as much Ensure as possible to stop that. To carry on is hard...But at least I may be dying while sick but I am oh so motivated and looking good doing it....Notice the circles under my eyes..
I don't recommend working out while sick. It sucks...but If your motivated like me I will not let this stop me and working out for an hour and then sleeping for 15 plus hours is nice... :) Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Ps..sorry about all the boobage..since I dont have small boobs this is what happens.....Sorry if it is offending. See what comfy....happens makes your boobs look huge..ugh
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Day 3: Inspiration
No one is harder on me than myself, I inspire to be something truly above and beyond. No matter the things holding me back, I will bust down these gates and push though. No excuses, No Boundaries. Just Go for it and let nothing stop you. Only have one life to live, so MAKE it remarkable. If I died today, I would never Regret anything I did ♥ It all had a purpose.
If you are unhappy with how you look or strive to be better! Try just try! Lose all those pounds and make your life something you want it to be. I realize it is hard! Never said it would be easy, In fact it will be the hardest thing you will ever go through. Will make you sweat buckets, lose balance, give you sore muscles, and make you lose up to an hour a day. A pound is equal to 3,000 calories so do not be discouraged! Takes almost 2 months to get use to a schedule. Can take almost 4-6 weeks to see a difference in your body(inches). Surprise! You should only lose 1-2 pounds a week. It can be done with a little persistence.
Their are no magic pills to help you with this. We all go here somehow..now either take back your life or live in misery. Its up to you. If you want to be jealous of the skinny, then take that and go achieve that body!
I am inspiring people, not to say wow, you look great, have you lost weight, but to have people go I am so inspired by your quest, I am working my butt off.
I want to say this one more time..stop complaining, stop calling yourself disgusting, Stop getting down on yourself, even stop being disappointed by the way you look. If you are unhappy do something about it! Keep it up to all the girls that are working for a better you :) *I dare you to tell me walk through fire, I dare you too*
Hard workouts that push you beyond your limits will BREAK YOU and that will CHANGE YOU into a BETTER STRONGER PERSON!!!
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ~Bob Moawad
It already has begun:
All your exercise posts make me feel like a slacker... making a resolution to use my StairMaster every morning that my hip isn't too sore to allow it. :)
you push threw being sick to stay with your workout i haven't moved
guess what?!?! you would be so proud of me. i bought a jillian michael's dvd yesterday...... haven't started done the work outs yet, but its a start i bought it! lmao
V_V sometimes people need to find a reason to be motivated, sometimes it takes awhile to click in their minds that they have to get up and go
You have to choose to change your life both when life is breezy and when things aren't going your way <----so true no excuses
Lindsay: honestly, i wouldn't want you to either
i know how you push yourself
in my perception you are killing yourself
To everyone in the last 3 weeks, that have told me I inspire you! I love you all know lets take back this obese world into a healthier world!
If you are unhappy with how you look or strive to be better! Try just try! Lose all those pounds and make your life something you want it to be. I realize it is hard! Never said it would be easy, In fact it will be the hardest thing you will ever go through. Will make you sweat buckets, lose balance, give you sore muscles, and make you lose up to an hour a day. A pound is equal to 3,000 calories so do not be discouraged! Takes almost 2 months to get use to a schedule. Can take almost 4-6 weeks to see a difference in your body(inches). Surprise! You should only lose 1-2 pounds a week. It can be done with a little persistence.
Their are no magic pills to help you with this. We all go here somehow..now either take back your life or live in misery. Its up to you. If you want to be jealous of the skinny, then take that and go achieve that body!
I am inspiring people, not to say wow, you look great, have you lost weight, but to have people go I am so inspired by your quest, I am working my butt off.
I want to say this one more time..stop complaining, stop calling yourself disgusting, Stop getting down on yourself, even stop being disappointed by the way you look. If you are unhappy do something about it! Keep it up to all the girls that are working for a better you :) *I dare you to tell me walk through fire, I dare you too*
Hard workouts that push you beyond your limits will BREAK YOU and that will CHANGE YOU into a BETTER STRONGER PERSON!!!
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ~Bob Moawad
It already has begun:
All your exercise posts make me feel like a slacker... making a resolution to use my StairMaster every morning that my hip isn't too sore to allow it. :)
you push threw being sick to stay with your workout i haven't moved
guess what?!?! you would be so proud of me. i bought a jillian michael's dvd yesterday...... haven't started done the work outs yet, but its a start i bought it! lmao
V_V sometimes people need to find a reason to be motivated, sometimes it takes awhile to click in their minds that they have to get up and go
You have to choose to change your life both when life is breezy and when things aren't going your way <----so true no excuses
Lindsay: honestly, i wouldn't want you to either
i know how you push yourself
in my perception you are killing yourself
To everyone in the last 3 weeks, that have told me I inspire you! I love you all know lets take back this obese world into a healthier world!
Day 2 : Water
Water
I used to be highly allergic to Water. No joke, One drink and my insides would knot up. Ended up feeling sick all the time or throwing it Up. It was horrid. Now my body gets to the point I can enjoy a gallon and feel amazing. I do not have to understand it, I just know my body has moved on.
Water is the best drink you can drink. No calories and cleanses the body. I personally drink 121 fluid ounces a day. It is amazing to feel it all going into my body. I do not drink any pop. The benefit of Diet you better get your facts right! It is not better for you, in fact, diet contains aspartame. Surprise, Aspartame causes Cancer! I would rather stay in shape. I drink V8 occasionally and Whole milk. In my opinion, 2 % tastes like water downed milk..Blah.
I am staying at my goal of drinking 121 fluid ounces a day! I love drinking water and when I work out if is a life saver. I would probably die without it. Try it!
There is an engine in my body
With every beat it lets me breathe
There is a machine within my body
If I could keep up with that machine that's in my body
I could do anything, be anything, see anything
I can feel the beat within my body
If I keep up with it could I catch myself?
No one is telling me the speed I should be travelling
So watch me take the lead (Watch me take the lead)
I used to be highly allergic to Water. No joke, One drink and my insides would knot up. Ended up feeling sick all the time or throwing it Up. It was horrid. Now my body gets to the point I can enjoy a gallon and feel amazing. I do not have to understand it, I just know my body has moved on.
Water is the best drink you can drink. No calories and cleanses the body. I personally drink 121 fluid ounces a day. It is amazing to feel it all going into my body. I do not drink any pop. The benefit of Diet you better get your facts right! It is not better for you, in fact, diet contains aspartame. Surprise, Aspartame causes Cancer! I would rather stay in shape. I drink V8 occasionally and Whole milk. In my opinion, 2 % tastes like water downed milk..Blah.
I am staying at my goal of drinking 121 fluid ounces a day! I love drinking water and when I work out if is a life saver. I would probably die without it. Try it!
There is an engine in my body
With every beat it lets me breathe
There is a machine within my body
If I could keep up with that machine that's in my body
I could do anything, be anything, see anything
I can feel the beat within my body
If I keep up with it could I catch myself?
No one is telling me the speed I should be travelling
So watch me take the lead (Watch me take the lead)
Motivation:Day 1
Day 1: Motivation
It is a little late...since I am on week 4! Whoo. Of course we all do not have a T-Rex trying to run us down to keep us motivated. My motivation is deeply ingraved inside of me. I never wanted to be bigger..but since I am might as well make the most of it and lose the weight. Cannot just sit back and play the my kids made me gain weight, I am always busy, have no time. We all know those are excuses because it is harder to start exercising than it is to sit and do nothing. Making time is the most difficult task. Even ten minutes on an exercise bike can eventually produce results. Just 10 minutes a day..even doing squats, jumping jacks, and any other cardio workout you can do. Even sitting in front of the tv, punching it out.
My motivation is:
Is the old me! I love seeing Pictures of myself from the past. It motivates me to get that body back. That is truly me. The pounds are shedding, and it is unveiling the real me.
My husband and friends motivate me so much. David gives me the time to exercise, and my friends are full of compliments. The people I inspire on Sparkpeople give me the "I am not going to fail"
My kids because I do not want them to remember their mother being bigger. But then to show them the pictures would be a huge inspiration.
So far 8 glasses of water a day, Exercise(finish Slim In 6), Learn Rollerblading again, Ride my bike for 30 minutes.
It may be hard but I am doing my best to prove myself. 3 more weeks til I get to weigh myself! Cannot fight the results. My stomach is even more tightening, stomach is flattening. Hips are shrinking. My shirts are now at a large! :) Big Results and lost of sweating.
It is a little late...since I am on week 4! Whoo. Of course we all do not have a T-Rex trying to run us down to keep us motivated. My motivation is deeply ingraved inside of me. I never wanted to be bigger..but since I am might as well make the most of it and lose the weight. Cannot just sit back and play the my kids made me gain weight, I am always busy, have no time. We all know those are excuses because it is harder to start exercising than it is to sit and do nothing. Making time is the most difficult task. Even ten minutes on an exercise bike can eventually produce results. Just 10 minutes a day..even doing squats, jumping jacks, and any other cardio workout you can do. Even sitting in front of the tv, punching it out.
My motivation is:
Is the old me! I love seeing Pictures of myself from the past. It motivates me to get that body back. That is truly me. The pounds are shedding, and it is unveiling the real me.
My husband and friends motivate me so much. David gives me the time to exercise, and my friends are full of compliments. The people I inspire on Sparkpeople give me the "I am not going to fail"
My kids because I do not want them to remember their mother being bigger. But then to show them the pictures would be a huge inspiration.
So far 8 glasses of water a day, Exercise(finish Slim In 6), Learn Rollerblading again, Ride my bike for 30 minutes.
It may be hard but I am doing my best to prove myself. 3 more weeks til I get to weigh myself! Cannot fight the results. My stomach is even more tightening, stomach is flattening. Hips are shrinking. My shirts are now at a large! :) Big Results and lost of sweating.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Dont resent me when you feel empty
Spent 4 hours just bawling my eyes out. Why? Well, my husband bought me new clothes that are my style. I am one of those woman who like to dress very very sophisticated and sexy. The shirts that cover the breasts but you know they are there. I leave the man up to some imagination instead of you know all of your boobs practically falling out. Maybe because I have e(ddd) that I feel the struggle everyday with them every single style I have. I am losing weight :)
Crazy, They thing I am Crazy. "The Trial, Pink Floyd" I am on Week 4 of my exercising! I love great. Compliments abroad. I am addicted to the feeling it gives me.
I had great fun this weekend.More achol than my body like to take credit for. My new friends, husband acts just like our old friend Rob! Just doesn't have a jealous wife! SO I LOVE THEM. They stayed with them and there 2 children :) Zeke now knows, Blue, One and Two!!!!
I got bad news that my everlasting friend is moving back to Ohio....I threw a temper tantrum. Maybe a story for another night. Roller blading is going great
Friday, September 9, 2011
Every Pound is a part of the Past
My motivation is bound deep inside of me. Today I fit in a pair of pants that I had while I was pregnant with Zeke. That makes me excited as hell. My ring that I got for our anniversary, is starting to fall off my finger. Shocking. Progress has been made! Well the pictures show that know don't they. Working my butt off and proudly doing it. I may not be able to see my damn scale, but currently I am seeing the results.
Once skinny and working my butt off to be the person I was before. On Sunday it will be the start of my 4th week! 4 weeks of sticking to my workout. The 4th week starts the incredibly hard next 3 weeks. Even in the video, her back up workout people are stopping to wipe themselves off and taking water breaks. It is bad. But the last 3 weeks have prepared me for it. Ramp It Up was hard before, but now it was easy. So Burn It Up, Ironically the name explains it all.
I think this is so much easier for me because I remember what it felt like to be skinny. I crave it, I want it, I want it so bad. It is like a drug that needs to be satisfied. Nothing will stop me in this quest. The adventure, the journey is too strong to let go.
Last Month I hit my rock bottom, I did something that broke me. Broke my values and Morals with just a single hand gesture. But my friends understood and my husband forgave me. I was gave a clean slate to start my life over again. Have a beautiful marriage, lovely friends, and Perfect(absolutely far from it) life. Its been a month with my due over and I am adoring it. Positive attitudes, lets the past melt. I have acquired a new taste for being the best I can be. I am attracting new friends and starting to like who I am. My clothes are fitting better,and my personality is coming back.
It took "me" to hit rockbottom. It took me 5 years to destroy my hard work to understand myself. I let go and grew stronger. Clear mind and free of the closet monsters. The losing weight has made me let go of so much. Every pound I imagine is a part of the past. I am destroying it all. October 1st is a lot closer than I keep believing.
Julian Casablanca:
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
All I know is that Santa Claus
Don't care about breaking or applying laws
I wish it was, wish it was,
Wish it was, wish it was, oh
Once skinny and working my butt off to be the person I was before. On Sunday it will be the start of my 4th week! 4 weeks of sticking to my workout. The 4th week starts the incredibly hard next 3 weeks. Even in the video, her back up workout people are stopping to wipe themselves off and taking water breaks. It is bad. But the last 3 weeks have prepared me for it. Ramp It Up was hard before, but now it was easy. So Burn It Up, Ironically the name explains it all.
I think this is so much easier for me because I remember what it felt like to be skinny. I crave it, I want it, I want it so bad. It is like a drug that needs to be satisfied. Nothing will stop me in this quest. The adventure, the journey is too strong to let go.
Last Month I hit my rock bottom, I did something that broke me. Broke my values and Morals with just a single hand gesture. But my friends understood and my husband forgave me. I was gave a clean slate to start my life over again. Have a beautiful marriage, lovely friends, and Perfect(absolutely far from it) life. Its been a month with my due over and I am adoring it. Positive attitudes, lets the past melt. I have acquired a new taste for being the best I can be. I am attracting new friends and starting to like who I am. My clothes are fitting better,and my personality is coming back.
It took "me" to hit rockbottom. It took me 5 years to destroy my hard work to understand myself. I let go and grew stronger. Clear mind and free of the closet monsters. The losing weight has made me let go of so much. Every pound I imagine is a part of the past. I am destroying it all. October 1st is a lot closer than I keep believing.
Julian Casablanca:
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today, oh, oh
All I know is that Santa Claus
Don't care about breaking or applying laws
I wish it was, wish it was,
Wish it was, wish it was, oh
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Roller Blades
So my journey continues:
I bought myself some roller blades. Am excited to get out and use them! I pick them up tomorrow! Cannot wait to use them, I haven't rollerbladed since 8th grade! Cannot wait to start.
The compliments I have been getting are amazing! Even the people I have never met are giving me compliments. I adore the attention especially toward my body!
Watching Hall Pass: The beginning is put as the kids and dad looking at a photo album. That's Mommy. Why doesn't mommy where bikini's anymore? Is it because of her fat ass! I got a kick out of this.
One of my best friends mom, had two kids are got huge because of it, after walking tons of miles, and tons of workout videos, you could barley tell that fat person was her. She looks great and skinny. She did this all before my best friend or her brother could remember her being bigger.
So that is another goal! I do not want my kids to ever remember me being bigger. But when they look back at the past pictures be surprised and shocked that their mother use to look like that.I cannot wait for that.
Another way to add for motivation. I love it! Lorilye and Ezeckial you are my motivation to be better.
Every little moment is closer to my goal :)
I bought myself some roller blades. Am excited to get out and use them! I pick them up tomorrow! Cannot wait to use them, I haven't rollerbladed since 8th grade! Cannot wait to start.
The compliments I have been getting are amazing! Even the people I have never met are giving me compliments. I adore the attention especially toward my body!
Watching Hall Pass: The beginning is put as the kids and dad looking at a photo album. That's Mommy. Why doesn't mommy where bikini's anymore? Is it because of her fat ass! I got a kick out of this.
One of my best friends mom, had two kids are got huge because of it, after walking tons of miles, and tons of workout videos, you could barley tell that fat person was her. She looks great and skinny. She did this all before my best friend or her brother could remember her being bigger.
So that is another goal! I do not want my kids to ever remember me being bigger. But when they look back at the past pictures be surprised and shocked that their mother use to look like that.I cannot wait for that.
Another way to add for motivation. I love it! Lorilye and Ezeckial you are my motivation to be better.
Every little moment is closer to my goal :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)