We know its never simple, Never Easy

Lately I have felt very heartless...is it my fault maybe...like 60%. Sometimes thing or maybe people make love almost unbearable. Its almost like I do not believe in love anymore. This does not mean anything is wrong with my relationship or anything with my life. But loves like getting on my nerves. Maybe its Divorce every 5 seconds in this country or maybe the one day relationships that they are so in love and broke up a month later. Who knows. Also maybe since music seems to make my mood. Its probably that. Maybe the lack of faith in people. Its the side of me that I have always loved and hate. It protects me from caring. If you get me to trust you can basically put a Mortar and blow up my walls. Trust is very hard for me to believe in anyway. I do not give it lightly. Get specially annoyed when I know a person is lying to me(just juvenile things) and I just shake my head.

Love in this society is either head in the heels or murder with looks. Its sick really. Keep your love to the person you want to be with. If not you might as well be starting the drama in your life. Get your heart broken with nobody available. Trust me the subject is very uncomfortable. I am glad my friends and my husband aren't surprised by my negligent acts.I have been destroyed once in my life. Destroyed, Bloody, Mauled heart open so everyone could see. But being the one who breaks destroys somebody's heart has always been me. I guess that sounds pretty heartless. True Nature I guess. When things get great its always the best time to have that moment. The experience I have put in my own life..gave my a perspective. It sheltered the What ifs and it also put me on both sides of the fence. Also made me realize what confidence I really do have in myself, put the past in its rightful place, and made me have more insight to who I am. Some people may say what I did was just others would very much disapprove.

Do I feel anything I did was wrong...ehh...I am up in the air..It put my relationship in better terms.But it is also great that I am an honest person...regardless of what I do. Honestly heals a lot of wounds...Having nothing to hide. It was already amazing now it is Disastrously Perfect The last 2 months have been amazing for me...I am buying a beautiful new home. We already peaking onto Closing. ...It is everything I could imagine and more. It is our home....We both want this..just a lot stressful. Paperwork, Inspectors, 50 million people. We also got a new dog. I have never owned a little dog in my entire life. So I took a jump for it..I now own a pekingese/Shit-zu/Mini Schnauzer. She is adorable and is always cuddling with someone. Life is getting so much better and I cannot wait to live in my house.

Some Lyrical Saints:

Wide Awake, My mistake,So predictable. You were fake, I was Great, nothing personal. I'm walking, who's laughing now? A pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price. I'm gonna break your little heart, watch you take the fall Laughing all the way to the hospital Cause there's nothing surgery can do When I break your little heart in two. Sew yourself shut, Now your begging for more...Don't be so sentimental,no. This is love is accidental, so Give it up This was never meant to be More than a memory for you

Manage me, I'm a mess. I wanna be laughed at, Laughed with Just because. But I'm stuck in this fricking rut waiting on a second hand pick me up And I'm over, getting older. Maybe it's not my weekend But its gonna be my year. And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere And this is my reaction To everything I fear Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here. I wanna feel reckless. I wanna live it up Just Because...Just Because

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical I have the tendency of getting very physical So watch your step 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle.When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control Does it thrill Does it sting When you feel what I bring And you wish that you had me to hold