Judging...in process...

Judging people is a horrid thing in this society. We as humans learn to Hate because it is just plain easier. Rumors swirl around our heads like a unintentional dust cloud. How can you spread Rumors about someone when your hatred got in the way of actually getting to know this person. I went through this in the past because Jealousy does the same thing. I do not care to judge anyone unless the point is valid. Like YOU were actually in the Situation that caused it. Then yes judge away. We are Human.

I was in a situation where I was the nicest person but still jealously was a leading factor in this girl trying to destroy my life. Its sad when people think those things and then get to know you :) Because the fact is one of my Best friends was not corrupted and I am so glad he is there. It also comes to a situation that I was half-hazardly involved in. Cheating is something I understand. When you get married and have an affair I pretty much think you really need to get things in check with your issues. You took the vows...so stick to them. Realistic...well no..not in this world anyway. But in this instance...a marriage was broken..An affair. I babysat the child of this broken marriage and it was so hard not to be involved. Being there for a friend and then having to deal with the other party. Hatred didn't want me to get along with them. At first it was fine and then the hatred grew for both sides insulting each other. The Guy works with David. I have always been against causing David drama. I would not try to do anything to anyone at his work not even comments.

Christmas Party came up. I hate them. I do not know "I know them just don't ever talk to any of them" anyone there. This is a time for me to sit there quietly and feel awkward. This time joking with Davids coworkers and then was public attention when Chicken thrown into my boobs. < Hibachi grill> I was determined to be miserable. I made sure I was different then all the others pulling that Christmas sweater out of the closet and wearing it. I made sure my hair was chomped. Blazing with brown, Reds and Blondes. Wore Emo hoodie..because in fact that is who I am. Plus my boob(e) was in full blaze...let me tell you even buying a decent shirt a little low cut..E Boobs are like hello. If you wear a Tshirt they look ten times bigger. You just cannot win. Anyway, I was determined to get drunk finish up the day and just move on. I had a fun time. Maybe it was having decent(?) people around me and well three martinis. Then going to a comedy club. (3 more) but the person that I had issues with, my husband seems to really actually like being around. Which makes me the bad guy. David does agree how bad everything got, the position I was in was hard. He knows my point of mind. I just sat there thinking " Dear God, am I doing something bad here"

So I went to walmart...did something that is out of character for me. Even though I disliked someone I casted it all aside and acknowledged that relationship. We even made contact and you could see it in both of our faces that it was the "this is awkward" But I started the conversation and he even offered to help us move...It may seem insignificant..to most. But for me it was like wow, I can do this for David. Not because He asked me to, but for myself as well.

David has never tried to change anything about me. He loves the random and sometimes ends up loving the not so random. He hates my temper but then loves it when I stand up for something I believe in. My stubborness is a curse..but it also can cause great things. He is my husband, the only person I really have to please besides my kids. If I make him happy, I am happy in turn. I hate people that judge he for what he does. It amazes me how much he can forgive and how nice he can be even to the biggest jerks.

This year is coming to a end..very fast. I may shut my eyes and it will be January 1st. I am ending this year on a sigh. This year I did things I am proud of, things I regret, Things that got forgiven, To say goodbye is bittersweet. The first I am determined to tip my iceberg and swim ashore. Still being me just striving to balance all the right things. Sometimes its hard to find that balance. Sometimes hiding and ignoring the world around yourself. Makes everything become in perspective. Brings tears to my eyes..all I have accomplish and all I will accomplished.

This is my last couple months in this house. The house that I spent 2 pregnancies through. The place where my two toddlers started walking across the floor. The adventures of raising children. The first words here. Davids first christmas with a real tree. Last time we started this adventure meeting at the fair. The second big thing was started at a TGIF table. When we got that call and our life was changing. SO much has happened here. It is almost selfish to hold onto it. This place is amazing. This life is amazing. I am not dying and I have so much to live for. All the right places and all the right friends.