Operation Preschool

Operation Preschool is going great.

We are trying to get him to excel past the mark in Preschool. We start lovely Preschool next year at a Christian School, no less. He is stubborn but he is so great at learning lately. He is drawing straight lines, Curved lines, and circles. Then many books of Preschool Worksheet books and oh yeah 26 little Einstein Books...obsessive yes. But I want my little man to be prepared for just about everything. Preschool is already overwhelming me, as well. But we will get through it.

Its Just a matter of Pretense...

"How many times will let you me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown"

This one line is dictating how I feel in my life..Painful yet satisfying..

Christina Perry_ Arms..


I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will let you me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

_____________________________________________________________


So many things I am doing right and wrong. So many things I want and Need...but at the same time so lost. Feeling a emptiness in what I am doing or saying. Telling lies to all the wrong? Right People. Holding back as I feel falling. Heavy in my shadow of a heart. Torn out with a Plastic spoon of people I love and adore. Pretending to be all the right kind of person. Pretending to listen and respond all the right ways. Killing who I am. Devastating. Piece of mind while I exercise. Pushing back all my mental errors. Giving me the shadow of the doubt with the ivy crawling up into my pain. Giving me a world of crushing knowledge. Disturbed? Somedays. Empowered? More often than most. Flawless Perfect. Perfectly relapsed. Why? Can't it be as important as it use to be. Worth Fighting? Always? Forever?

Red Head

So today, I have been busting my butt...to defeat my whole world before 4am tomorrow...

My List...
Dye Hair Red

Check..which means

tch of clothing is washed...house is closed up...instructions...cleaning...

ohhh...geez can you say..maybe I dont want to do it....AT ALL. I should but hate doing anything that involves oh yeah...getting in a car and driving 10 hours...oh well I guess..

At least my head is red...All the stress

Mommy hood

So as of being a mother of the past three years or even a mother of toddlers. I have learned some important things. Like I think the biggest annoyance is people being ignorant towards somebody who has younger kids. Explanation is kind of like "Hey, do you want to go into a glass room" or my other favorite "People springing things onto you at the last second" Its like yes, I have a babysitter but I am not jumping at every opportunity. My sister in law keeps saying things like isn't there somebody you can leave the kids with, such a long drive. Yes, I would be 10 hours away from my kids, who would I leave them with David's parents. Your hilarious. Some people just don't understand til they have kids. My friend, Stephanie keeps saying the same thing. Toddlers are not human, lol. Forget about having breakable things, listening when wanting to, and of course my favorite temper tantrums. My kids both have my temper which is horrid.Let me tell you. Timeout is a blessing or nap time. I just wish everyone is understandable.

I am planning on starting college again. I can hardly wait. I am plotting between Psychology (which I already have 4 credits under my belt), Personal Trainer(love working out and helping people) and Dietrition or Nutritionist.But since I am a stay at home mom, I do put into consideration that my kids come first. We have been lucky that Davids job is very flexible and he is part-owner since last year. So we are very blessed. So that means I will probably start school when the kids start but around their hours. I am not getting a job until they are old enough to stay home. Which is like what 10 or 12 ish. Overprotective much, yup. I just don't want to hire a permanent babysitter, well ever. My friends are my babysitters when needed and thats about how far my trust is besides my parents. So until they get old enough my schooling will come first. Guess my serious job is being a mommy and a wife. Perfect. Blurring my lines of my old self and old relationship. It definatly pays to have understanding friends. My life is way to crazy...for sure.

Well off to pack for a wedding.. :)




Dresses and Kids

Happy Birthday Baby

My baby was Born today.He will be three :) Seems like just yesterday I was in labor for an hour and a half...with 5 seconds of hard labor..my body wanted him out. ...Ahh and no pain medication.
Born to David & Stephanie
Date: Wednesday, July 16, 2008 at 5:43 AM
Weight: 8 lbs. 9 oz. Length: 21 inches

Twilight, growing on me?

I have been reading Twilight. People are on every extreme of this book. So I decided to pick it up and buy them. All four of them, Plus I have read the illustrated version of it too. I decided if I don't want to be a hypocrite than I better read it. Cannot be a ignorant person. So about 2 weeks ago I started reading it. Actually my favorite book is The Twilight Saga:the official illustrated Guide. It is Stephenie Myers every basic thought out plan for the movie. I was very pleased to see how much music influenced her writing. I gasped at how Blue October Music influenced sections of Stephenie Meyers work...Some of my favorite songs(Sounds of Pulling Heaven Down, Hate Me,Overweight,Congratulations,​What if we could) =) Some of my absolute favorites.

I even got my question answered on glowing Vampires"their cellular membrane is not as soft or permeable as in a human cell, it has crystalline properties that cause the surface to react prismatically,when in sunlight" It kinda makes sense, the scientist in me like yup. So I may not like the idea of a glowing diamond vampire, but I still will always love Lestat.

I haven't finished the 4th book yet, but I slowly drudging threw the beginning. Eclipe has been by far the best for me. I am not on Team Edward or Team Jacob because thats just well...juvenile. But I do like Carlisle and Jane. It was also kind of cool to hear this book all started in a dream and she wanted to finish it. Hell, there wasnt even a Jacob character to begin with.

In Interview with the Vampire, all the Vampires seemed to posses some type of power. Where as in Twilight its not that common of an occurrence. It as sort of went into a time where the Louie ate rats and Lestat was appalled by that. Of course, Twilight has the Trackers(hunt for fun,needs a thrill), Vegetarians (Animals) and of course, Just Plain Human Blood. Now even a human/vampire child that grows like hell.

I will say it is not the best book I have read common Sabriel, Lord of the Rings, or Time Travelers wife. It is written in more of a young adult way. Which is good, because at least they are reading something. But it was interesting to see where it goes. Even though I think I will be sad..due to the Characters leave all to guesses then.

And after 10 years...Harry Potter has ended. Mischief Managed for Now.

Mumbling

Somethings are expected. Others are not? Destiny is formed, Heartbeats seemed to last forever. Kisses are magically enticed. Someday? Ran out of time? Seriously?

Heartbreaks are scary. Cheating is devastating. Healing is essential. Forgiveness is a lifetime mistake.
Decisions always have two sides, destructive and Peaceful.

The world I enter every night is not always honest with my feeling or myself.Every night its a chemical explosion, picking up the pieces before getting home. Getting in the door with a perfect composer. Destroying things I care about. Slowly, piecing the things together. Writing to someone that doesn't deserve any of this. Why? even care. Making me weigh up the guilty shame. Harder than this is the feelings that are destroy. Cascade me with the moon beams. Hold me tell me everything is semi-okay. Tell me your fearless, I will only apologize once. Giving the impression I am not sorry. Take my hand promise me forever. Leave me forever alone with these thoughts. Abandon me because I like it that way.

The world not always perfect, so I will be unperfectly Perfect. Thats just who I am. Destructive and loved....