So I have been doing the unthinkable. Insanity :) Of course I am on Week 3, Day 4. Old news. Awesome Fit Test results.

Anywhoo... yesterday my cousin and I decided to sign up for a half marathon next year...Yeah Intense! So today I decided to start the long journey. Today I did Pure Cardio and Cardio abs..Ooh and ran 2 miles. So today I burned 3,068 calories. 3,000 calories are a pound.

So pretty accomplished today.

Fit Test 2

Fit Test 2 Results: After 2 beautiful weeks of Insanity. Seeing results are awesome and crying sweat:

Switch Kicks:64 (+8 from last time) Power Jacks:45 (+10) Power Knees:72 (+14) Power Jumps: 30 (+10) Globe Jumps:(4 jumps in 1) : 10 (+3/12) Suicide Jacks: 16 (+3) Push-up Jacks: 20 (5) Low Plank Obliques: 60 (10)

loss of self

I read a Blog on Divorce, today. Separation. Loneliness. It broke me up inside. Literally.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. Don't say this wont last forever. You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart. Don't tell me that we will never be together. We could be over And over, we could be forever.

One of my favorite songs. Break-ups are devastating. I wonder how many times in my mind I planned on leaving David. I lost myself, I lost who I was. The Person in the mirror was someone I did not recognize.I was just souless, that is the best way to describe. I wanted to run away and never look back. He was someone I did not recognize. I did not want this life or anything that went with it. My kids being the exception. It took me 6 years to get to the position. Our relationship wasn't always easy. In fact I let a lot of stuff get in the way and yes, David had a lot of new things put into his life that scared him. Then one day I woke up and said "I don't love you anymore"

It wasn't even that I did not love him, I did not love myself. I hated my after-pregnancy body. Even though my friends always complimented me...I just felt that it wasn't me. Not me at all. It was like looking at someone from a far. That ruined me. I knew my body produced and nurtured Two beautiful children, I should have accepted this. I didn't my anger turned inside and destroyed who I knew I was. "You knew me when I still knew who I was". I floated away from David. I just couldn't fathom staying with someone. "Why would someone stay with somebody who is fat?"

It took a massive break down for me to get to the point of going holy shit I need to stop this. Nobody knew I am a very strong person and put everything inside rather than talking about it. I finally hit a wall that said "Alright so you don't have a newborn anymore and you have a supporting husband. SO now your going to reach for the stars...and earn the body you want" So brings me to my life...Sometimes I forget what I am fighting for...Sometimes I need the strength on myself to make it through some moments. Sometimes I think this battle isn't worth it.

But I am doing this for me. I need to continue this journey to find myself. I am doing this for my kids so they can see how strong their mom is. I do it for my husband, been together for 7 years this September. I love him with all of my heart. I am a stay at home and I get lucky enough to have time to workout. Even between crazy hours of babysitting. I still manage.

This is me. This is important. I am stronger everyday. Week 2 Day 5 Of insanity. One of the hardest things I have ever done. WHat Motivates me, my destroyed self, every damn day I will do it.

Insanity PURE Cardio

Today is going to take some extra I can do this :)My fever has been spiking on and off the last 2-3 days. It is intense. Last night though was the last night this week that I had to babysit until 3a.m. Which is a relief. Even though its friday so I doubt I will get much sleep.

Today is Pure Cardio of Insanity. That means non stop cardio workouts for 20 minutes. Ugh yeah fun. Then today is the first day I have to do the abs after it. I may be scooping my lifeless body off the floor. Plus the poor floor will be covered in sweat. Geezum. But the better news I am on Week 2 Day 5! 1 more day and I am on Week 3! It seems to be going so fast I love it :P

This journey is a hell of a journey but I love it.

Fall Out Boy: Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

You see that man! Bam Margera he will be hosting Rockaplooza. That man is Hott!

I may be a little Too excited for this but I haven't been to an all day Concert in Forever. Doors open at 10am. and have an all night thing. Plus with a bestie it is going to be amazing. Puddle of Mudd will be there. They don't impress me but whateve. I am excited for We came as Romans, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Saliva, Ghosts of August, and Rehab.

I remember at one going to a concert that was so loud. My boyfriend's friends and I thought we would die if anything made noise in the car. It was that bad. The other concerts I went to just couldn't hear. Honestly the last concert at a concert hall was Hawthorne Heights, Relient K, Emery, and Plain White T's. I think that was 2007. We have seen tons of bands at headliners(smaller venue) and at the bars but that just isn't the same as a concert in a hall! Or how about 3 stages for bands! Outside. It is for sure asking for sunburn. Plus this a day for me and my friend to enjoy. No husband, No kiddos, no responsibilities. Big deal for me.

I love being a stay at home mom and a babysitter. Its just nice to have those times that I can just get away to do what I want.

Hell on Earth :Life

We live in the kinda word that Teenage pregnancy is common, Guys lack or all together abandon on their parental responsibilities, Dudes that want to be fathers but can't because of pissed off woman, Divorce is more common than an Std, Slutting around is the new modesty, Relationships are its more fun to just end it or cheat on it then actually work on it, Tattoos & Hair Color & Piercing automatically make you a bad person, and Exercise is a form of greatness. Makes since welcome to the World.

This is 2012 welcome too it. Not pretty! I cannot even fathom what my kids will be growing up in.

On a different not being a stay at home mom is rough. Its almost amazing I get so much done and still have two children. We have recently put in a garden, so I have to go out there everyday. Water 3 trees, Holly bushes, the garden, 2 rose gardens and then the baby trees and Grape vines. Oh yeah It easily takes 10-15 minutes unless I have to weed then It is even longer. I also keep our house super clean. 5 bedroom house plus a playroom full basement and of course that evil kitchen. I also make sure that exercise is my main priority so even if it has to be move around it will get done. Today I put on a shirt I just bought Saturday and it was already looser. Yeah, its worth it.

I am sick on top of doing insanity. Like mucus in lungs and coughing, sore throat at night. Still doing Insanity. Today was pure cardio and I was whooped. That Shit is Bananas...but alas it got done at 7am. I have Chase(a kid I babysit) at 3pm to 3am. Naptime happens at 2pm and she will get here about 230. Insanity is 40 minutes long so yeah....it is not happening unless I get up at 7am the next two more days. Story of being a mom. I get paid for what I do best.

This week is going to rock me but my celebration at 1st month is to go to Rockapalozza (Sure that is spelled wrong) going with one of my best friends. I cannot wait. In Insanity you do one hard 1st month then a rest week than a hell week lol. So at the end of the second month Gir (Invader Zim) is still being put on my arm. Goals and rewards fall hand in hand. If you have a goal let nothing stop it! It is too easy to fall into a rut and just give up. Find Motivation remind yourself what you want. I actually found out my current short were horrid for Insanity so I bought a smaller pair and let me tell you my little muffin top needs to go. I get reminded everytime I workout in them. Motivates me 10x more! Insanity is not easy it is hell on earth.