I planted my mustard seed today

" I planted my mustard seed today"

Faith is an aspect of consciousness. Today as part of my exercise, I imagined my body filled with light and surrounded by Angels. I surrendered my body to God. As I breathed in and out I felt Gods love for me. A huge burden being released as I draw closer to week 4 I feel this was really needed. I loving this experience. I plan to pray before and after I exercise. God is not my judge but he is my healer. I have realized that the real me is not the fat me or the skinny me but I am a spirit..a energy..an idea in the mind of my creator, God. But the human side of me wants to be skinny, again. But with his help God will push me in the right direction. Beauty to be embraced. "Yes, damn it I want this" I have learned to hate the fat me due to being skinny for well most of my life. But hatred does not bring me piece of mind. So I am learning at this time to love myself.

Not see the physical attributes that I hate. They always say Love produces miracles. I am surrounded by love. Not only of God, but my friends, family, kids and my husband. I have a great support system.Actually in reality I do not hate my body, I dislike my size. Even though some people when I was skinny put me in the stuck up position. I really was not. But as I am learning I will forgive the ignorant people. Isn't it funny when we are children. We didn't judge our bodies. We just played and really just as innocent and fun. Honestly, I Have never been jealous of anyones body. I know people had been of mine. But I do not want to be anyone else. I want to be MY skinny. I like my personality and everything that I have. I would not trade any of it for the world. I do admire beauty. But to be jealous is stupid. In this world, There will always be an ugly person and Beautiful people. But ugly is only a term, a person I think may be ugly may be beautiful to others. But as I have learned from my friends beauty is only skin deep, it is definatley who you are when nobody is around and how you treat others.

If I recall a story from when I was younger. There was a spirit who transformed into 3 woman talking to three different girls. She was a poor needy person. The first two just turned the spirit away and the Youngest daughter gave the woman almost all the food she had left and water. The spirit rewarded her. Why? Because It is really how treat people that gets you the ultimate way you want to be.

As i read my friends paper, he lighted my eyes up. He wrote a paper on forgiveness. One of his lines is " Whatever it was that happened to you in the past, It is over. It happened in the past; in the present it does not exist unless you bring it up. Nothing anyone ever done has permanent effects unless you hold on to it permanently. I wish i would have read this in 2007. I wouldn't have struggled so much when I was pregnant. I feel a lot of people need to learn to do this. Take responsibility for what they had done. Seriously, not play victim. But I guess I am expecting too much. People who rather play victim then actually bring themselves to admit they played a part in something. Anyways, I have a lot to do today and short on time.