Birth Death and Life

This week has been one of those. Exhilarating weeks from hell. My best friend got to endure the painful lost of someone that was like a grandpa to her. Trying to keep her to a point of bearable was hard.How unprepared we are for something so inevitable. I have lost my Ex-boyfriend, Great-Grandpa, and Great-Grandpa, I was very close to each of them. How unexpected their deaths were, they taught me so many values and morals. I may have lost them on earth, but I am sure the view from heaven is beautiful. Just reminds me how valuable are the ones we love, they could be gone the very next day. The funeral was on my birthday, joyous.

Then also on my birthday a baby was born to one of David's friends. Shows how life continues even when it seems it should stop for mourning. Life keeps going on and we get lost in it sometime. Get prepared for 9 months for a baby something joyous and death no warning and seconds. How ironic is life.

I celebrated life. Went to TGIF's and for the first time in the 4 times I went there I did not throw up. ALmost but didn't. Drank, Toasted Another year. Went to see The Woman In Black...yeah...the Beginning pretty good and then just went stupid at the end. I don't get bothered by scary movies or even jump. I guess that what happens when you watch IT when your 8.

Gosh I am so spacing. I am here, but completely not. I keep thinking about stuff that I would rather not. It has been really hard having one of my best friend move away. Devastating. I just want him to put his arms around me and tell me he is staying. I get change is inevitable it just hurts. Here we are buying a house, staying here, have a life. Staying here to watch our children grow up. In a sense, its comfortable, knowing we are safe. At the same time.....my mind is still set on joining a force. It's senseless to most. I have a family. I have two amazing kiddos and a lovely husband. My parents and grandpa is an hour away. I have heard the complaints of army life from both my brother (Captain in the Army) and my brother in law and practically half of my friends. But I love it, I have always flirted with the idea. I might as well be putting a gun to David's head every time I talk about it. My seconds are forensic or mental Psychology or Personal Trainer. I like the prospects of both. I just yearn to travel, to support our country, to work my butt off, and absorb myself into that life. Selfish I know. Maybe when I start school again this year I will change my mind.

I think the self-discipline you need for these things...the test of it all is by far me. I am currently a stay at home mom. I think all these things are driving me crazy...