This Sunday I am surprising David and we are going back to church.My husband has a unique way with his church. He seems to strive for it for a long time go every wed. and sunday and then suddenly stops going. I need to support him regardless of my tastes for his church. Or also our kids, they hate being with strangers and they are both too crazy to be what other people consider "good".
This is going to be a huge step for me. One of my good friends Jamie goes there and her Family is very nice. But in a sense his church is a bit of the hypocritical, judgmental and rumor filled. I think those are the nice ways to put it. Regardless, of how I feel I need to support my husband. I believe in God, but I believe the Bible was written by man. And as we all know Man has a way of turning tables to be more supportive of himself. So I go by the only "Thing" that can judge me is God. I live by the belief God is every changing. The way that some people use religion is very abused. Annoying for sure. Just because you believe things are one way dosen't mean you force your religion down others throat.
I never want my kids to be close minded. Because you miss so much that way. They will both evolve in their own way, I just have to make sure they grow up right. I don't wanna force church on them. I will never do that. Both of them can make the decision if they want to be Christianed or Baptised. Their decision. If they decide they do not wanna go to church that is fine with me. Anything forced is torture.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Karma
I was asked do I believe in Karma?
Do I believe in Karma...Yes, Yes I do. To put it in the easiest way possible. Someone we knew tried to ruin our relationship...the same year the husband started having seizures. Almost died. I believe it was because of Karma. Maybe just a warning to be better.
Karma is too strong to not believe. Or you can believe the whole if you put Positive in the world, you will get positive. You put out negative, you will get negative. I have always tried to put Positive into the world. My theory is I only have one life to live and I will try to put as much positive in the world, Even when the person is rude and mean. The past I have made mistakes. I mean who hasn't. I think it comes to who is really sorry for what they have done that matters. I believe Karma will keep getting people back until they are truly sorry for there wrongs. This is my beliefs and I think most times I follow this pretty strict.
I like helping people. This gives me that whole "I am not giving up on you, even if you have given up on yourself" Even with my best friend.
Do not lose hope. For you have me. We ventured out into this goal together and it will be achieved. Motivation is key for both of us. But we both had to decide we wanted to change. While we sweat our butt off and even if we do not see results. We will not lose hope because it is almost summer and walking, running what be our limits. Don't be depressed because this is not the end. We are young, and strive for our goal. We will continue to learn things that will make us healthier and better. I love you, Cortney. Be the rebel toward that weight. It wants you to be lazy and you want to be strong! Just think of the little things you have noticed. I am here for you always.
Do I believe in Karma...Yes, Yes I do. To put it in the easiest way possible. Someone we knew tried to ruin our relationship...the same year the husband started having seizures. Almost died. I believe it was because of Karma. Maybe just a warning to be better.
Karma is too strong to not believe. Or you can believe the whole if you put Positive in the world, you will get positive. You put out negative, you will get negative. I have always tried to put Positive into the world. My theory is I only have one life to live and I will try to put as much positive in the world, Even when the person is rude and mean. The past I have made mistakes. I mean who hasn't. I think it comes to who is really sorry for what they have done that matters. I believe Karma will keep getting people back until they are truly sorry for there wrongs. This is my beliefs and I think most times I follow this pretty strict.
I like helping people. This gives me that whole "I am not giving up on you, even if you have given up on yourself" Even with my best friend.
Do not lose hope. For you have me. We ventured out into this goal together and it will be achieved. Motivation is key for both of us. But we both had to decide we wanted to change. While we sweat our butt off and even if we do not see results. We will not lose hope because it is almost summer and walking, running what be our limits. Don't be depressed because this is not the end. We are young, and strive for our goal. We will continue to learn things that will make us healthier and better. I love you, Cortney. Be the rebel toward that weight. It wants you to be lazy and you want to be strong! Just think of the little things you have noticed. I am here for you always.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Best Friends...
I have had three dogs growing up. I was close to all of them.
My first dog was Brandy Mae. She was a Lab.-pitbull-boxer mix. She was my brown baby with a white strip under her chin on her belly. She was my trouble maker. We caught mice together for me to keep. I was mean to her when I was younger. I stuck her with pens and such. Not very nice. But she loved me anyway. Writing this makes me tear up so much. SO many memories with my baby girl. She loved us so much, and protected us like no other. She ran away countless times and came home muddier each time. We went threw the puppy stage. She was with me when my brother left for the Army. She would chew up Huge cow bones and destroy them in a week.
My second dog while we still had brandy was named Gruffy-Bear. This dog was a lab-Boxer mix. We adopted him. He was a trouble maker, haha. He attack someone who was working at our house once. Brandy and Gruffy would walk with me for hours. He could play ball until it was sopping wet. He was the most hyperactive dog ever. During our last Days in Napoleon, he got hit by a car..my 6th grade Bloody paw prints were in the road and we moved shortly after that. It was hard.
After we moved, Brandy acted so shaken by the lost of Gruffy_Bear. So we got Simon. He is a Doberman Pincer. A blue one. I remeber when my mother came home with him he was such a small puppy with huge paws. Huge. He ran after Brandy and she gave him all the shots. He was so hyper he would rip up about half of my jeans while running after me.Then we lost Brandy and Simon was never the same. We never got another dog due to the fact I Was a sophmore and about to move out. He is the Best. When my parents moved, he hurt his back legs. He has never been the same...He has Wobblers Disease were the bones keep shifting. They are putting him to sleep this year. I cannot even express the reason these tears flood down my face. He was my running partner, my besst friend, my confident, and was always there.
Akikkya was the first dog I have ever owned together. David got her for me for a graduation present. She was a white Siberian Husky. We went to Central Ohio to get here. Immediately we fell in love with her. She sleep at the end of my bed with her pink giraffe. She loved to play and to get baths. Brushed and goat herder lol. She was a white angel she lived 6 months before. One day I went to work and Julie insisted on my baby staying in the barn. She got hit by a car that day. David took it so hard. I was there for him every step. Losing a best friend, a dog is the worst.
We have currently two Alaskan Malamutes, Kayamirra and Mailee and they are 3 years old from ok. I hope they have many years ahead of them...
My first dog was Brandy Mae. She was a Lab.-pitbull-boxer mix. She was my brown baby with a white strip under her chin on her belly. She was my trouble maker. We caught mice together for me to keep. I was mean to her when I was younger. I stuck her with pens and such. Not very nice. But she loved me anyway. Writing this makes me tear up so much. SO many memories with my baby girl. She loved us so much, and protected us like no other. She ran away countless times and came home muddier each time. We went threw the puppy stage. She was with me when my brother left for the Army. She would chew up Huge cow bones and destroy them in a week.
My second dog while we still had brandy was named Gruffy-Bear. This dog was a lab-Boxer mix. We adopted him. He was a trouble maker, haha. He attack someone who was working at our house once. Brandy and Gruffy would walk with me for hours. He could play ball until it was sopping wet. He was the most hyperactive dog ever. During our last Days in Napoleon, he got hit by a car..my 6th grade Bloody paw prints were in the road and we moved shortly after that. It was hard.
After we moved, Brandy acted so shaken by the lost of Gruffy_Bear. So we got Simon. He is a Doberman Pincer. A blue one. I remeber when my mother came home with him he was such a small puppy with huge paws. Huge. He ran after Brandy and she gave him all the shots. He was so hyper he would rip up about half of my jeans while running after me.Then we lost Brandy and Simon was never the same. We never got another dog due to the fact I Was a sophmore and about to move out. He is the Best. When my parents moved, he hurt his back legs. He has never been the same...He has Wobblers Disease were the bones keep shifting. They are putting him to sleep this year. I cannot even express the reason these tears flood down my face. He was my running partner, my besst friend, my confident, and was always there.
Akikkya was the first dog I have ever owned together. David got her for me for a graduation present. She was a white Siberian Husky. We went to Central Ohio to get here. Immediately we fell in love with her. She sleep at the end of my bed with her pink giraffe. She loved to play and to get baths. Brushed and goat herder lol. She was a white angel she lived 6 months before. One day I went to work and Julie insisted on my baby staying in the barn. She got hit by a car that day. David took it so hard. I was there for him every step. Losing a best friend, a dog is the worst.
We have currently two Alaskan Malamutes, Kayamirra and Mailee and they are 3 years old from ok. I hope they have many years ahead of them...
Life has its positives and negatives
Facebook Status of the day:" If you have not lived my life, suffered my pain, enjoyed my happiness, walked my path, seen what i have seen, then you can't judge me or my pain."
I had a great day today! Of course, here in Ohio it is like 100 degrees. Too Hot. But I spent my day having fun. After spending about 4 hours in a kid water toy with my kids it was sadly naptime. For mommy, it was playtime. I grabbed out my sand stuff and started ideas for my shadow box for the kids. Next, it was working on my daughters Christmas tree. Yes, I am starting this now, because Christmas is write around the corner. I am making both of my kids "Toddler Safe Christmas trees" So I started with my daughters tree first. Lots of ribbons, butterflies, and beautiful flowers. My husband got home took the kids and I worked all night. I like it. Love it. Brings me back to my days of scrapbooking and doing artwork all day.
Now most of my time is working out, being mommy, wife, caregiver, boo-patrol, nutritionist, personal trainer,cleaner, and so much more. Time for myself is very rare. Hell even time to shave my legs is a tough thing, lol. So 4 hours was a big thing for me. Love my husband. He took the kids for a walk and ran around in a sprinkler. Not to mention I am excited to finish this tree. Okay both trees. I am currently doing so much, and organizing. I think balancing my life is a must. All of it. Plus too many weddings and vacations.
I don't know what life has in store for me but I am continuing to love the journey.I enjoy making things for my kids..that will hopefully last. It was sad though when we came bath from Cape Cod..my baby boy wanted to go back. He cried and cried. Next vacation in less than one more week!!!
I had a great day today! Of course, here in Ohio it is like 100 degrees. Too Hot. But I spent my day having fun. After spending about 4 hours in a kid water toy with my kids it was sadly naptime. For mommy, it was playtime. I grabbed out my sand stuff and started ideas for my shadow box for the kids. Next, it was working on my daughters Christmas tree. Yes, I am starting this now, because Christmas is write around the corner. I am making both of my kids "Toddler Safe Christmas trees" So I started with my daughters tree first. Lots of ribbons, butterflies, and beautiful flowers. My husband got home took the kids and I worked all night. I like it. Love it. Brings me back to my days of scrapbooking and doing artwork all day.
Now most of my time is working out, being mommy, wife, caregiver, boo-patrol, nutritionist, personal trainer,cleaner, and so much more. Time for myself is very rare. Hell even time to shave my legs is a tough thing, lol. So 4 hours was a big thing for me. Love my husband. He took the kids for a walk and ran around in a sprinkler. Not to mention I am excited to finish this tree. Okay both trees. I am currently doing so much, and organizing. I think balancing my life is a must. All of it. Plus too many weddings and vacations.
I don't know what life has in store for me but I am continuing to love the journey.I enjoy making things for my kids..that will hopefully last. It was sad though when we came bath from Cape Cod..my baby boy wanted to go back. He cried and cried. Next vacation in less than one more week!!!
Shadow Boxing!!
I am all ready to get my shadow boxing done. We went to Cape Cod and I picked up all kinds of goodies. I found on the beach some beautiful shells, crab shells, rocks, clams and lots of sand. I plan of making a shadow box for our room. Or maybe a couple shadow boxes. I hope it turns our exactly how I plan it.Just need to get me some vials for a message in a bottle.
Tips: Mix sand and elmers glue together and it will stick in the shadow box easier.
Mix clear glue and water together and use it as a glaze on shells to enhance their colors
Since this is another one of our kids collages it will be in one of their rooms. Our daughter has a collage of pictures of the zoo from when they were little. My next project is finishing their rooms and making felt ornaments for their Christmas trees. I have all the pieces and ribbon I need for that. Making boy and girl ornaments is going to be the hard part. But Toddler safe trees. Next will be garland and such. Preparing for Christmas all ready. Its is right around the corner.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I am an addict
Self Mutilation is what it is called. I think that is a vulgar term. I prefer the name Recovering Cutter. I have scars on my left arm that are very deep. Every time people see them its like "oooh cutter" I never have denied it. I will never use scar creme. These scars are me. My road map of who I am. I have maybe 20 old cutting scars on my arm. I am not ashamed. Contrary to most people I did not cut to "try " to end my life or any other ridiculous thought runs in peoples mind when they see cuts. People do not understand the motives behind it.
I haven't cut in about 3 1/2 years. I do have the occasional I want to do it. Then I remember all the reasons I cannot do it. I cannot be trusted around old razor blades...I am an addict. I cut to relive the pain. I like seeing the knife run across..open a bloody wound..and then I dumped anything into it that added to the high. Yes, that was me. I did not show people, hell my parents didnt know til I was 18. I did not publicize my bloody arm or scabs. I remember having my son with my old scars and the nurse questioning about my scars. I politely told her that is my past so let it be. I have had friends that have cut not only their arms, but thighs and stomach as well.
Most people that see "scars" or see cuts assume we want to kill ourselves and we want attention. Well most of the time you will never know a true cutter. My friends all knew what I did and never questioned it. Heck, my best friend watched me hack my arm up and she watched me clean it up bandage it and then we continued playing a video game and that was back in freshman year. I knew boys and girls in my class that did it. The bad thing is when you keep cutting your skin gets harder and so you keep going deeper. Moving from needles to knives to Razorblades. Razorblades cut skin like butter.
I haven't cut in 3 1/2 years but the addict in me is dying down and I have learned to cope with things in other ways. I just wish people would understand people who cut and not jump to conclusions. Its annoying. Even worst, I dressed emo, did my eyes and cut. Hmm...quite a mix. But remeber you are not alone. Even when people assume the worst, parents or boyfriends. There are plenty of us cutters that understand you are not trying to kill yourself. Your just like everyone else. Coping in this cruel world.
I haven't cut in about 3 1/2 years. I do have the occasional I want to do it. Then I remember all the reasons I cannot do it. I cannot be trusted around old razor blades...I am an addict. I cut to relive the pain. I like seeing the knife run across..open a bloody wound..and then I dumped anything into it that added to the high. Yes, that was me. I did not show people, hell my parents didnt know til I was 18. I did not publicize my bloody arm or scabs. I remember having my son with my old scars and the nurse questioning about my scars. I politely told her that is my past so let it be. I have had friends that have cut not only their arms, but thighs and stomach as well.
Most people that see "scars" or see cuts assume we want to kill ourselves and we want attention. Well most of the time you will never know a true cutter. My friends all knew what I did and never questioned it. Heck, my best friend watched me hack my arm up and she watched me clean it up bandage it and then we continued playing a video game and that was back in freshman year. I knew boys and girls in my class that did it. The bad thing is when you keep cutting your skin gets harder and so you keep going deeper. Moving from needles to knives to Razorblades. Razorblades cut skin like butter.
I haven't cut in 3 1/2 years but the addict in me is dying down and I have learned to cope with things in other ways. I just wish people would understand people who cut and not jump to conclusions. Its annoying. Even worst, I dressed emo, did my eyes and cut. Hmm...quite a mix. But remeber you are not alone. Even when people assume the worst, parents or boyfriends. There are plenty of us cutters that understand you are not trying to kill yourself. Your just like everyone else. Coping in this cruel world.
Cape Cod
Cape Cod was amazing. Okay, the bridge before was terrifying. I shut my eyes and tried not to think of the incredible height. I could feel my legs and feet tingling as I got light headed. Freaking out. Gotta love bridges...I defiantly love the ground. Needless to say the Hudson Bridge was just as bad. I learned of a Plant called a Rhododendrons. They were in full bloom and beautiful. Came in so many colors and were everywhere. 
These are practically everywhere and there was so many colors. White, Red, Purple, and pink and needless to say I am adding one to my garden along with rose trees. I have to rip up too little ever greens due to spider mites. I cannot save them due to they were infected before I moved here. I already have six different rose plants that all why we were gone bloomed. I was devastated. I get to prune them all down today. :(
Since I have such fascination in plants and anything gardening. I have another love with ocean, ships and anything pretty much to deal with water. We were on an island in cape cod and saw this. A full anchor that is pretty awesome.
So while the days there were 60 and cool and the ocean felt great. Bonfire was a must.
It was too hot next to the fire and too cold from the air. Funny how in Ohio it is 90 and hot and I missed it. I made David drive 14 hours to get back home from sunset to sunrise. Beautiful.
Got to see an amazing wedding.
I think I am most certainly an Ohio girl. ..yup
These are practically everywhere and there was so many colors. White, Red, Purple, and pink and needless to say I am adding one to my garden along with rose trees. I have to rip up too little ever greens due to spider mites. I cannot save them due to they were infected before I moved here. I already have six different rose plants that all why we were gone bloomed. I was devastated. I get to prune them all down today. :(
Since I have such fascination in plants and anything gardening. I have another love with ocean, ships and anything pretty much to deal with water. We were on an island in cape cod and saw this. A full anchor that is pretty awesome.
So while the days there were 60 and cool and the ocean felt great. Bonfire was a must.
It was too hot next to the fire and too cold from the air. Funny how in Ohio it is 90 and hot and I missed it. I made David drive 14 hours to get back home from sunset to sunrise. Beautiful.
Got to see an amazing wedding.
I think I am most certainly an Ohio girl. ..yup
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