1 pound down

If I could write to myself When I was on top of it all, I'd say you're going overboard and when you're falling You're gonna feel so small, Someone's gonna tell you that you deserve the worst, They'll say you're never coming back And tell you that you're cursed. And when they give up, cause they always give up. Say, here I am alive.I made mistakes, I know, I know But here I am alive. So many people close to me cut me down, This is supposed to be a bad luck town I jumped, I fell, I hit the ground. But here I am alive.

Today is an amazing day. I lost another pound. :) Makes me jump with joy. My goal is 25 more pounds to go before January. SO 24 more to go this year. So yeah I wish I could express the way I feel about this. The way I get on the scale and bam! The joy is just indescribable. Just biking 7 miles a day and arms, or abs, or something else to buy through my time. Plus working :)

Truth

Sometimes in life we kind of forget about ourselves. Me I forgot what It feels like to be skinny you know. I dis my weight and try to disown it. Work out everyday to get rid of it. Its like my pregnancy curse. Then I walked into my Friend's childs room and thought wow, I look pretty damn good. They're closet doors are mirrors, Full size. My curves, my breasts and my legs were like wow. Its sad I have hated this body as I get skinnier I appreciate it more and more. Its hard to see past the "getting skinnier part" and stretch marks. But as I progress I keep getting happier and happier. All my goal getting done and it just takes some hard work but you know its all worth that feeling I had today. My pants are getting looser and you know it is all worth it. Every sore muscle, Every time I push myself. It is where I want to be in life.

Some days it is hard, other days oh so simple. I don't know what life has in store for me but I will just keep going up. Everyday until I find who I am.

7 years

September 4th 2005 is the day my entire world changed. The day I met the love of my life. Seven Long Years. It seems like such a longer time. That's life though. This person who no matter what believes in my and always makes sure I have what I want to be where I want.

I still can Reflect on pre-kids days and they are amazing. We were amazing. Then we brought back in 2008 and 2009 two amazing little children. We just got more amazing, our patience tested more and all the ups and downs. Regardless if we created them or not we got through them and thats all that matters. He let me be a stay at home mom so I didn't have to miss a single thing. We got our first car together, our first trailer, moving out, buying our first home, raising two children, marriage, fiance, and so much more. We got Married February 14th 2010 :)

I can honestly say you are my rock and my stability.You mean absolutely everything to me. The changes in our relationship in the past 6 months have made us stronger. We will always be together, and I know that deep down. I love you, David. You make me proud to be your wife. True Love is in my fairy tale.

Changes in the making

It is finally (well almost) weather is getting cooler and leaves are falling. Crops are being harvested and skies are looking grayer.

My son started Preschool last month. So that means 9am to 1130 I have time with my little lady. Which is such a new experience, just us every Tuesday and  Thursday. Thinking next year my son starts kindergarten and my daughter will go to Preschool 3 days a week.

This month I have been working out everyday. Between Insanity, Workout Trainer and biking. Its been intense. Just today I did 2 workouts plus 7 miles on the bike in 30 minutes. I just order some ifit for my bike. So we will see how much improvement that will bring. My water intake has gone up and getting over my plateau was hard. But I am a determined girl. I am playing how much weight can O lose before December 25th.

Ooh and I finally got a job. Just to get out of the house and do something. Help out and even just have my own money. I actually like my job to, just have to keep my routine so I let nothing fall through the cracks :)

Feeling me

In the past month I feel the most girliest I have since I had my son. (Who just turned 4) Crazy right. I've finally grew in my nails which is something I haven't had ever. My chewing them off was a boredom and stress habit. They had no hope.

I got my hair cut and it is blonde/red I adore it. I went out and bought 12 bras just because I could. I went out and bought all new make-up that suited me. I bought some shirts, also buying tons of stuff that protects my hair. I've went through so many phases. Tomboy,emo, girlie, scene, it just depends on the mood I am in. Which in losing 13 more pounds I am getting my right eyebrow double pierced to match my lovely spider bites.

Coming up in September is my first 5k with my "sister". I am so ready! I've been running 2 miles every night. Today I am adding Insanity into the mix. I stopped after month one. I am determined this time to continue. Make time for it.

In my life I still have over-judgemental in-laws that are religious  hypocrites. That have already started their damage on my children. Grandpa is really not a part of my childrens life even missing Zekes birthday. But my family my dad is amazing yet the kids are distanced because they are not use to that. Davids parents have time for everybody else but their own grandchildren. Makes sense right.

I think with me I am just settled with my life at the moment. One of my best friends lives with me and we are so much alike. My best guy friend moved back and I see him all the time. My other guy friend comes over and cures my addiction to Gears and Hordes. My kids are growing up, I am losing weight, and life is just getting better.

Peace :)

Just stopping for a sec..

Life is uttermost crazy at the moment. Where to start. Let's see I finally broke through my plateau for weight loss. I have signed up for a 5k and am running about 2 miles a night, 12 Burpees, 20 squats and 30 crunches.Oh and 12 endurance sprints up and down the hill. Nothing fancy and I am even thinking of doing Insanity again. I stopped at 30 days last time. I just want nothing to affect my running. Sore Calves are a Bitch. Trust me, it is unbearable at times. I have a roommate :) Who I love. She is a girl I babysit for and I love having her here . We have the most random relationship. We have so much in common, Friends, Music, same shows, sense of humor and both very insane. Keeps a friendship going that is for sure. My inlaws hate me because I have piercings. Sweet. I know have this addiction to changing the color of the balls to the color of my bra. Today is Purple so there for my balls are purple. Next month I get double eye brow piercings. Preferably on my right side. :) Gotta have double of everything lol. I'm sure my inlaws will start shitting bricks. Oh well, its like get over it, my body, my face, my life....so F off. Its kinda like the people that look at my red hair, Piercing and my personality....you learn to love it or you aren't in my life. My inlaws are harboring an idiot ex-friend. That apparently told them some of the things I did that were frowned upon. So needless to say I don't give a shit about any of them. Judge away people that is all you are good for. When you are in my mind and I don't know...Me then you can pass your judgement. I am a firm believer that when I die there is only one person that can judge me. That is all :)

Piercings and Idiots.

Meet my snake bites. The apparently make me look like the Anti-Christ. So far they have been attacked by my in-laws. They make me selfish, anti-christian, attention seeking, and pretty attacks everything else that is me.

Nobody has came up to and asked me how I feel about them. I am terrified of needles. Long story short I can deal with pain and snake bites are a little bit of extra pain on one side. Painful in the sense of the pain is all on one side and the clamps had to go on the already traumatized part of the lip. But I did got them with two of my best friends present. I loved it :) I had such a high afterward. Am I becoming addicted to the piercing world? No. Maybe getting my eyebrow pierced in the future. But for no I am happy with my beautiful snake bites.

How can someone who says they are "Non-Judgemental", Go by Christian Laws, and can sport Tattoos (Which I have nothing against)can be so against my every fiber because of my 2 little Piercings. These people that I have tried so hard to please for the last 7 years. I have not expressed my true self around because in fact it is a bit much. I love changing my hair style, spider bites, and everything about my body even the extra baggage. They are causing unwanted stress, and I hate it.

I am not an Alcholic. I am not a slut. I give my children everything. Not Selfish. Have a great home. Great Friends. Love to workout. But yet....spider bites throw me under a bus. I am bi :) I appreciate all beauty in whatever form. I treat others how I want to be treated. I am not judgemental we all have feelings. I am Agnostic Theist and one of the reasons is how religious people treat others. Hell, how family treats others. My parents are supportive of me and I wish everybodies parents were like that. Piercings aren't for everyone but they don't change people. The only person that can truly judge me is God.

I am me....Everything about me is me. This is me and God do I love me.