Thinking is always one of those bad things. At least for me. Let me tell you the story of my little melodrama. It may get a bit blunt. Ironically the girl shares my middle name as her first. For God sakes.
In 6th grade I went to this one school for one year. Honestly, I can tell you after going to a certain school from preschool til 5th grade. I was one pissed off 6th grader. I was a pain on the bus, Flashing people, finding guys attention (never had sex), went to counselling, Broke a girls nose and gave her two black eyes. Yeah I was a tad bit anger. I did however love art and got many of my pastels into competitions and won ribbons. Btw Side note I hate pastels, I am so good at it, yet it seems to get everywhere, like Charcoal. I didn't have a lot of friends because I didn't want them. I knew we would be moving so I isolated myself. I have people I talked to. One week I couldn't go to Camp Palmer due to being so sick. So this Girl and I became friends Mostly because we shared the same name. Fawn is actually quite rare. Anywho, when I moved I didn't have any relationship with her.
So comes to this summer. This summer was insane crazy in love summer. To be hones, In all regards was completely in love with my husband but in love with my best friend. Side Story: He has been there 9 years for everything, hes the one that got me to stop cutting, he was there through every fight, he helped me through every emotion, We got really close my Junior year and then I broke his heart. Needless to say My husband has always been Jealous of this man. So as you can tell some bad ideas. I ended up this summer walking/running 6 miles a day and meeting up with my friend. Which David knew about. The story gets worst. I ended up kissing him a lot. When you are so incredibly close to someone it is bound to happen. Kissing him was like one of those exhilarating things.
Ended up pushing my husband and I away from each other. I was destroying the guy that I loved the most. With David I think there was a lot of frustration. I was feeling pretty shitty about my body. The whole two kids does mass murder to my body. He hadn't said anything about the change but I was beautiful. I just saw different. I saw why would he want to be with someone who is bigger. I don't even like this person. I see myself in a different style and cannot do that due to my weight. My friend has always made me feel my body was beautiful no matter what size I wanted or pretty. I wasn't feeling very appreciated. Even though the man did everything for me. The one phrase that always stuck with me with my friend Was me saying I am fat. Him going "We all change, you are still beautiful" 9 years of untamed love for me...sigh
*When you cheat you create a reality one where everything is perfect. It isn't really reality. You have variables but not the real ones. You never fight because well it is perfect. So not having responsibilities or kids seemed pretty nice but really not reality*
So with that knowledge I would always tell him to Find a girlfriend. He told me about Fawn a girl he knew from a friend he was talking to her. Everytime we would be together I would tell him "Get a Girlfriend and I won't get into trouble" He would always tell me that "Girls are trouble". See the trouble was right there. Anywho, I connected with Fawn on Facebook. She told me she had a son and he basically lived in a hoarder room in a doorway. I took Pity and she moved in with us.
Btw the whole friend thing, ended up with her confronting him and him treating her like shit. Me I went off on him how he attacked her and he was sweet as pie. Yeah, 9 years does that. I ultimately felt so bad. I told my husband anything. He left went with his friend Thatcher. He came back that night. We talked more than we have ever talked. He forgave me....I mean seriously, never has brung it up, never says a damn word. He understood and forgave me because he loved me. I understood a lot of his mistakes through my own. I was really beating myself up for what I had done. He said it was punishment enough at what/ and how I was treating myself. I don't even recommend cheating.I feel a lot of guilt but Had to move on. Broke my friends heart yet again. Yay, me...not. I only cared about the one person who had to give me a second chance. I even looked at him said this is what I did, If you want to leave me I am okay with that. Needless to say, it works out and being happier than ever. Mistakes as bad as they are seem to actually turn out good sometimes. Not saying everyone should cheat...I have been with this man 7 years and it turned out good. Fixed a couple cracks we had...Okay back to Fawn moving in with us.
So she moved in with her son...Basically with nothing. She started dating our friends Thatcher. But she is way too emotionally detached..Needs attention and gets jealous a lot. She even got jealous of me because he had helped me up the stair when I was wasted. Thats because we have been friends for so long! It wasn't because he secretly loved me, he was looking out for a drunk like he does everytime we are together.So there were more issues but they broke up. Then the whole Friend thing she just couldn't get over it. It was my fault she was rejected but obviously he wasn't right for her. Let me tell you she brung it up all the time...Fml. Its like yea ...I made a mistake know since your not my husband stfu.
She was a horrid mom! On her phone literally all day like it was going to run away. She would ignore her son or won't discipline him. The would want to do more for men than her own son. No..that isn't right. She was a great workout partner and she would stay up as late as I. Did her one chore of dishes. Help out more than needed. With that being said we were helping a friend and she watched our kids for 3 days. They were angels for her! She just said she wanted to kill her son. Nice. Not only that when she got cut off from her phone she was completely shut down. Started calling her son a Prick and being a lump on a log. To the point I finally had to talk about it with her. This story is about to get real bad.
Anywho,we were about to move in with his parents for a week. Gave up our trailer and waiting for the loan to close on the house. I hated it there. When I moved in when I was 18 I got treated like shit due to I was a girl. We got in a lot of fights. When I was pregnant, he ignored us for 8 months and didn't even pay attention to his grandson. Which my sister in law went off on him because of their son. Also, even attacking everything about me. Needless to say His dad and I have never got along. So much I can't even write about that situation. To even the point when Zeke had a Amocicillian Rash, he wouldnt give me a ride due to the fact I was a woman. Lol don't think so highly of yourself.
I told Fawn all of this, thinking my friend you know why not. Jim even showed his true colors ripping the cable box out of the wall while we were all watching tv. She even complained about the goat smell (goat farm) how gross it was. When we moved there she became a shitter person. Her dishes skills were failing to the point I asked her to put them away and she told me it wasn't part of dishes. Have you ever walked away from someone that you knew you were going to punch...Oh yeah. She wouldn't yell at her kid and go back on her phone. To the point where we had got a kitchen for lorilye and new parts to it. The kid was chewing on it 2 inches from her on the phone. Can I make this crap up? My dog chewed up the carpet and she found it funny. My daughter walked down the stairs with bubble wrap and her son pushed my daughter down. Then Fawn tore it in half because her son was playing with it earlier. Wow. Wow. When she babysit all the kids during the move...her son (potty trained), my friends (4 year old (potty trained) & 2 year old, and my kids. So only had 2 diapered kids and both of them had gone through ....seriously.
That night she went to my Father in Law and Adam talking about how we always bring up how she needed a job and we were forcing her to do things because she didnt have a job. *Lies actually I always said you'll get one when you get one. The one time I did she freaked out on me and I apologized because I was joking! We were paying for everything her son and her used(and her dog). The only job she actually had was to do dishes! Which all of my friends have Renamed her Backstabbing Bitch. They all saw how I treated her. Nowhere near that and even the Guy that lived with us like that is a bunch of bs. Then also told them how she wasnt allowed to go to their church...I looked straight at my mother in law and went ...NO NO if you are going to tell the TRUTH tell it right...I said I didn't feel comfortable at your church because you picked a subject that attacked David and I. She also complained how the kids didn't get along. David looked at her and Said because YOU don't know how to discipline your son and always on the phone. Shes like well its because He is a single child. Well he hadn't been for 2 months! He did just fine til we moved and she wasn't punishing him. He picked on my friends kids, my kids, and the kid I babysat. God I hate people like this. You try to help and they are shit utterly shit.
I got told by so many people not to let her move. I just saw I am being nice. Idiot. So know she lives with my Mother in law. Which as my friend Eric says "You are a mucher when you can say I live with my ex-friends Husbands parents" They can't even afford her. Her friends keep her phone on, no ged, no licence, and no car. What a life. She constantly makes me out to be a bad person...which I am about to the point to pack her up and move her ass back to her parents. My father in law apparently can also drive her places but not his own grandchild. Its probably because I was going to have sex with him...Yea right disgusting. Shes a woman yet he has no issue...maybe her ugly face...who knows. Oh, and my kids arent allowed to see their grandparents due to this situation. Because if she yells at my kid or her son picks on my daughter I will snap! It is that bad. I have made it so I can't even go over there because seeing her face may make me break it.
Why lie to people you don't even know does it make you sleep better at night.I already dealt with someone lying about me before and I am sure having somebody else play this game just pisses me off. If people really want me to be mean I can be. Its only the people that are jealous of you that create these lies. If not they wouldn't say a word. Plus the people you dislike the most, you just don't have to make this stuff up. It gently falls into your lap.Actually the people I dislike the most...have the most failing mistakes :)
I can actually say I am really glad I have great friends that always supported me in whatever decisions I have made..We are only human...We learn from our mistakes and go toward the future.
Time heals all wounds, live long enough you may believe such cliches are true, its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can accomplish the cuts it can close the imperfections it can smooth over, but in the end it comes down to the size if the wound, doesnt it, if the would is deep enough there might be no way to keep it from festering even if you have all the time in the world.
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