Five ?

I have come to the conclusions that Zivugim(just a fancy word for soulmate), suck. Quite literally. I believe according to Israels way that there are five levels of the soul: nefesh, ruach, neshama, chaya, yechida. So you can have five soul mates. I also believe soul mates can also be Friends, guidance, and people that are just plain important. I also believe you always find these people because you are attracted to each other. I like it a lot better than what most people like to tear down other religions when I am christian and five parts of the soul make sense. I think everybody at least leave a footprint in your life whether it be wrong or right..Most memories you cannot rid. Others without a doubt forget about. Only thought of when you hear that song, or see that object, or even maybe seeing them

One of my soul mates is my husband. We were attracted to each other from day one. He told me he wanted to marry me after only two months of dating. We were love at first sight. I felt this electricity between us. Those flutters, weak at the knees, but I could talk to him about anything. We have always been like that..the bad or the good.Picking me up at 4am when having a bad night. Sleeping in a car outside the place I was sleeping so I could wake him up. Doing everything together. I love him more than words can put it. Call it love obsessed..but isn't that eternity for a marriage. We change all the time and love being around each other. Adore the same things, do the same things, and still finish each others sentence. I believe we will be married forever. No doubt about it. " We are all imperfect and the only way anyone can love unconditionally is to be perfect. I think that the closest we get to "unconditional love" is ...if you overlook my faults I will overlook yours."

My second soul mate, is my best guy friend. As he said we felt this connection and we have never lost it. He held onto me very tight when I fell, making us really close.Its nice to know I can confide in my closest friend, a man who is not my husband. He is compassionate and caring. He listens to me without judgment and gives advice as a friend. He loves me with my flaws and wouldn't change a thing about me. Hell beating myself up about my weight, he like you look great, you are amazing. I know we love each other and I have hurt him for rejecting him...But he recovered and were still close. I think that bond we have will never be broken..Caring about somebody that much is amazing. Of course, that does bring jealously between my two soul mates.. David has threatened him and very angry at me. That's the price I pay I guess. I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, our lips have met and exploded.Yes we love each other. But sometimes you just realize where you should be in life, you just hold the one you love too very close. But of course, my husband is always here with me. Cheating is not an option, nobody should ever go through that pain.

I think maybe the more I think about these things the more regret. Maybe its the different kind of love that surrounds us that is so enticing. Very invigorating.I am drawn to many loves..It just depends on the kind of mood I am in.

"I feel so lonely sometimes...I know its not your fault. I will just smash this wall down...I can do anything worth believing in." I believe everyone hits a couple walls it just depends how far you are willing to go.

Maybe this is my 103.3 temperature that today I finally stabilized to 99.6 or having a sinusitis and tonsillitis or maybe losing my voice. Who knows.

I love spending time with my family for sure though. Today was an amazing day..for us. We planted more gardens and redid our gardens!!! So goodnight. Time to achieve to get better.